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Restarting the journey
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Scientific studies show that it takes 90 days to break an addictive pattern in the mind. Start your own Log of your journey to 90 days! Post here to update us on your status and to give each other chizuk to stay strong!

TOPIC: Restarting the journey 1777 Views

Restarting the journey 04 Nov 2019 19:13 #344905

  • Snowflake
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Hey guys, I had been clean for a year before marrying (using GYE), and during my 5 year marriage (still married B"H) had 3-5 relapses total. I had everything pretty much under control. Basically I'd have a fall once a year or less.
A recent tidal wave swept my life, where almost my faith and marriage went down the sink with it. Loads of personal problems. Thank G-d they seem to be under control now B"H. Needless to say I'd been stuck in shmutz for quite a few months. In the past month my wife came to know of my struggle, and I was very happy with the fact she supported me, instead of judging me. This "allowed" me to be back here and start the 90-day journey again and make full use of the tools here. I guess we are always in day 1 right? 
Just wanted to share an interesting machshave that I read somewhere, regarding addictions: if we want to make teshuva, we need to completely change who we are. A new man, with new habits. The old man is always going to make the same mistakes. The new one has a completely different life, in regards to habits, behaviour, etc.
Prior to the struggle I'd been neglecting praying with a minyan and studying Gemore as I used to. Now I think it's high time I take back control of my jewish life. Hopefully this should help me get back on track. Today is literally day 1. 
אם יהיו חטאיכם כשנים, כשלג ילבינו

Re: Restarting the journey 04 Nov 2019 20:08 #344906

  • 360gye
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Hi Snowflake,
It's great to hear you had such a clean streak, which itself shows that you are able to conquer this.
I am truly sorry to hear about your "tidal wave" which, from what it sounds, turned your life upside down. It sounds like that really changed everything, and it is hard to bounce back from something like that. 
It is an inspiration that you have come here to try and get back on track.

If you want someone to talk to/help you 1-on--1, I am available, either by PMing me, or email-360gye@gmail.com
Last Edit: 14 Feb 2020 13:51 by 360gye.

Re: Restarting the journey 04 Nov 2019 20:29 #344907

  • Dave M
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Welcome back to the chevra.  Keep us posted on your progress.  G-d willing, everything should work out with your situation.

Re: Restarting the journey 05 Nov 2019 12:59 #344918

  • Snowflake
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Thanks for the support guys. Indeed it was a very great test from Hashem. But "Ein HaKodosh Boruch Hu bo be tarunia im a bryos". G-d is not unfair to us. He knows exactly how much we can handle.
It's very good to be back. I want to live a guilt-free, happy life. Bez"H I will get there.
Day 1 has gone by, everything beseder B"H.
Living in South America in the summer can be quite a challenge. But shemiras eyinaim is the cornerstone of this avoda. I find it helps to think that G-d is offering me mountains of rewards when I turn away from one improper sight. I try to think of it like a game where I earn points for turning the eyes the other way. Kind of silly but it helps
אם יהיו חטאיכם כשנים, כשלג ילבינו

Re: Restarting the journey 05 Nov 2019 15:52 #344920

  • Dave M
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Snowflake wrote on 05 Nov 2019 12:59:

 I try to think of it like a game where I earn points for turning the eyes the other way. Kind of silly but it helps

I like that idea   Help get the competitive juice going.  Wonder if GYE can develop that....

Re: Restarting the journey 05 Nov 2019 16:15 #344921

  • Need a yeshua
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good luck!

we are all cheering you on!

yes we can all do it.

Re: Restarting the journey 07 Nov 2019 14:47 #344972

  • Snowflake
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Thanks guys,
I'm on day 3 now. B"H I'm clean. Living a guilt-free life is heaven on earth...I Hope to maintain that.
B"H the urge seems dormant. I think mainly because I'm always anxious about the women at work. They are immodestly dressed and come by the hallway back and forth, kind of like right in front of me. I'm actually making a point of preemptively turning the other way when one approaches.
I'm adopting a zero tolerance for lust. That's quite of an exercise but on the other hand, it does make the urge much weaker.
I'm also making a point of coming here to GYE everyday, at least for the 90 days.
אם יהיו חטאיכם כשנים, כשלג ילבינו

Re: Restarting the journey 12 Nov 2019 14:06 #345078

  • Snowflake
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Hey guys, B"H on day 8 now.
The urge seems to be quite dormant B"H.
I'd say the problem is more on a conceptual level.
Whenever I get too much stressed, a debate comes into my mind, with the YH trying to justify acting out, like I have the right to do that, since I'm going through some unique stressing events. Although it's true I doubt anyone is going through what I am, it is all but a fallacy, everyone has different challenges and stressors. In the end, it's all about how to deal with failure, frustration and stress. Acting out can't be an option. There must be healthy outlets to negative emotions.
I'm glad I've convinced myself of that during those 8 days. I hope to keep it up. I keep telling myself, acting out will only make things worse, and there has to be a healthy way to deal with these emotions when they come.
אם יהיו חטאיכם כשנים, כשלג ילבינו

Re: Restarting the journey 12 Nov 2019 22:09 #345089

  • ColinColin
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Same for me Snowflake.
The YH tries to convince me I deserve to act out as a reward for my struggles.

But there is no logic in that!

Because acting out makes me feel worse.

Best to reward oneself with things that are nourishing.

Re: Restarting the journey 13 Nov 2019 15:45 #345112

  • sleepy
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ColinColin wrote on 12 Nov 2019 22:09:
Same for me Snowflake.
The YH tries to convince me I deserve to act out as a reward for my struggles.

But there is no logic in that!

Because acting out makes me feel worse.

Best to reward oneself with things that are nourishing.

i saw this moshal  on rewarding ones self with lust because he had a good streak in refraining from lust
A guy who was struggling with his drinking walks into a bar and orders a drink. he looks at the glass and holds himself back for one minute, ten minutes ,and then a whole hour! wow he says to himself, i kicked the habit, you know what , this calls for a drink! and down the hatch it went...
For an explanation on my choice of username and avatar see my first post
Feel free to email me at
wakesleepyup@mail.com

Re: Restarting the journey 14 Nov 2019 13:02 #345135

  • Snowflake
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Unfortunately I had a fall yesterday. 
I think the main issue was not calling for help. The YH was very clever. I was in the midst of that debate and didn't even have an urge, but then the YH convinced me it was ok, even though I didn't really have an urge. At that time, I should've logged in here and talked to someone. Not calling for help is something I really need to work on. I feel a lot like a self sufficient guy, which can be detrimental sometimes.
Still, I'm not depressed. I'll keep on trying. Day 1 again.
אם יהיו חטאיכם כשנים, כשלג ילבינו

Re: Restarting the journey 14 Nov 2019 15:54 #345137

  • Gevura Shebyesod
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Just don't become a blizzard...
!אנא עבדא דקודשא בריך הוא

וּבְיָדְךָ כֹּחַ וּגְבוּרָה וּבְיָדְךָ לְגַדֵּל וּלְחַזֵּק לַכֹּל

And every day that you want to waste, that you want to waste, you can
And every day that you want to wake up, that you want to wake, you can
And every day that you want to change, that you want to change, yeah
I'll help you see it through...





My story: guardyoureyes.com/forum/19-Introduce-Yourself/111583-hello-my-friends

Re: Restarting the journey 14 Nov 2019 20:23 #345151

  • ColinColin
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Snowflake

what made you fall?

I know you blame the YH, but was there a trigger?

Were you stressed or tired or lonely?

Re: Restarting the journey 13 Feb 2020 16:51 #347321

  • Snowflake
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Hey guys...
Sorry for reviving my old thread, but since then I was just back and forth, clean for some days, then fall. I had almost called quits.
Now I decided to try again full force.
I didn't really have a filter in the phone, in response to Colin, that was the deal-breaker I think. Also, I was kinda depressive, with defeatist thoughts like what's the point, etc. But as of recently I came to realise how much my behaviour was affecting me and the others around me. I was destroying my life. I wouldn't sleep, work well, etc. So I decided I can't go on like that anymore.
I have also noticed exactly how I was falling, always in the exact same pattern, time and place. So the simplest idea came about, let's try changing my routine so I don't get into the same circumstances. Like, going in the bathroom in the living room at midnight with an unfiltered phone is a terrible idea. If I feel like going to the bathroom, I can just use the one in my room, where my wife is nearby. Also, the phone stays outside. Instead, I have a book, if it's going to take long. The phone is filtered now, and I'm thinking of ideas if an urge comes through. Like log here, or study something. Like buy some time.
Today is day #3 and B"H I'm trying my best to avoid improper thoughts and sights. My short term goal is to make it to 90 days.
Thanks for reading and supporting me.
אם יהיו חטאיכם כשנים, כשלג ילבינו

Re: Restarting the journey 14 Feb 2020 12:35 #347331

  • Hashem Help Me
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All of your ideas of avoidance are wise. Stopping yourself from getting into a matzav of nisayon in the first place works b'ezras Hashem.  
Feel free to contact me at michelgelner@gmail.com

My threads: Lessons Learned: guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/335248-Lessons-Learned

                    My Story and G-d Bless GYE: guardyoureyes.com/forum/17-Balei-Battims-Forum/303036-My-story-and-G-d-bless-GYE
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