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Really Need Help- and pretty soon.
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Scientific studies show that it takes 90 days to break an addictive pattern in the mind. Start your own Log of your journey to 90 days! Post here to update us on your status and to give each other chizuk to stay strong!
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TOPIC: Really Need Help- and pretty soon. 245 Views

Really Need Help- and pretty soon. 06 Oct 2019 22:49 #344058

  • AStrugglingJew
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Hi, 
I have b''h reached 104 days, something that I am extremely proud of. For some reason however my tayva to fall again has increased so much in the past two weeks. I do not know what to do. I have filter on my phone, but on my laptop I have KBA- a knas system, where if it catches me fall- then will charge like $200- but now even that charge is not such a deterrent,  and in addition I am on Taphsic, but I just still have this yetzer hara to fall- that is how strong the tayva has been getting. Hirhurim are too much. The only thing that is stopping me is remembering how painful it was last time I had such a long streak and how long it took to get back, and that I want to start dating soon and want to be clean when going through that process. As I type these reasons and think about them, my temptations lessen, but then after a little they come right back up. I honesty  am not enjoying this crazy amount of temptation that I am forcing down. I often say that if I just get over this little rough patch then all will be good but I keep getting back into this bad zone. I am in this horrible pattern of  major hirhurim and tayva, satisfying it a little- whether by letting the thought continue or looking at some immodest pictures (not R-Rated, just not tznius at all- b''h haven't really fallen with any x rated stuff) and then forcing myself to stop a little bit before I am led to fall because I know how much pain it will cause. I feel like this is a dangerous path. If anyone has any helpful suggestions that would be much appreciated. 

Re: Really Need Help- and pretty soon. 06 Oct 2019 22:52 #344060

  • AStrugglingJew
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It is crazy that I am even considering falling because I know that it will cause much pain in my life, but the yetzer hara is so devious and comes up with crazy arguments that if not battled intensely- can easily persuade me to do what I intellectually know is worse for me. I am really scared that the battle is going to become too much for me. 

Re: Really Need Help- and pretty soon. 06 Oct 2019 23:07 #344061

  • i-man
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Hello my friend sounds like a tough situation that I know to well..
you write how you struggle with the strong desires , but what is triggering it ? is it stress ,anxiety, low self esteem, tiredness, etc. if we understand what problem we are using lusting to solve than we could deal with it in a healthy way.
Hatzlachah

Re: Really Need Help- and pretty soon. 06 Oct 2019 23:12 #344062

AStrugglingJew wrote on 06 Oct 2019 22:52:
It is crazy that I am even considering falling because I know that it will cause much pain in my life, but the yetzer hara is so devious and comes up with crazy arguments that if not battled intensely- can easily persuade me to do what I intellectually know is worse for me. I am really scared that the battle is going to become too much for me. 

Do you have people who you keep in touch with regarding your addiction? At times when you're head is going insane there is nothing like a phone call to a smart person who has achieved a big streak of sobriety. To calm you down. Because you are fine it is all in your head...........and when you try fighting against your head you are bound to lose. You need to call someone to calm you down and truly get you back into stable thinking.

 Love Yankel, feel free to reach out buddy.
Important quote from Cordnoy
"The need is a perceived one. There has not been one reported case on these pages of a death occurrin' on account of not fulfillin' that need

“I avoid looking forward or backward, and try to keep looking upward.” 

"My recovery must come first so that everything I love in life doesn’t have to come last."

My Story
                       

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Re: Really Need Help- and pretty soon. 07 Oct 2019 03:12 #344066

  • Hashem Help Me
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Welcome. It should be with hatzlocha. Many guys here including me went through this. You can b'ezras Hashem get past it. Accept the offers for help. A good GYE chaver is one of the best strategies to stay clean. It's what saved me.
Feel free to contact me at michelgelner@gmail.com

My threads: Lessons Learned: guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/335248-Lessons-Learned

                    My Story and G-d Bless GYE: guardyoureyes.com/forum/17-Balei-Battims-Forum/303036-My-story-and-G-d-bless-GYE

Re: Really Need Help- and pretty soon. 07 Oct 2019 03:30 #344067

  • Tzvi5
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The key is that you are greater than the temptation. Allow yourself to associate with something else. 
Email aronieberger@gmail.com to find out how an ex sa member found serenity through Torah Study.

link to my story guardyoureyes.com/forum/19-Introduce-Yourself/339218-My-journey-to-sanity

Re: Really Need Help- and pretty soon. 07 Oct 2019 04:37 #344070

  • sleepy
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Iampowerless wrote on 06 Oct 2019 23:12:

AStrugglingJew wrote on 06 Oct 2019 22:52:
It is crazy that I am even considering falling because I know that it will cause much pain in my life, but the yetzer hara is so devious and comes up with crazy arguments that if not battled intensely- can easily persuade me to do what I intellectually know is worse for me. I am really scared that the battle is going to become too much for me. 

Do you have people who you keep in touch with regarding your addiction? At times when you're head is going insane there is nothing like a phone call to a smart person who has achieved a big streak of sobriety. To calm you down. Because you are fine it is all in your head...........and when you try fighting against your head you are bound to lose. You need to call someone to calm you down and truly get you back into stable thinking.

 Love Yankel, feel free to reach out buddy.

Nice post,but I don’t think anyone is bound to lose ,but I agree with the rest...
For an explanation on my choice of username and avatar see my first post

Re: Really Need Help- and pretty soon. 08 Oct 2019 01:01 #344106

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104 days is great! But saying it that way sells it far short of the accomplishment it is. Say it like this: Thousands of times you have said no to the yetzer hora, each one a priceless accomplishment! It's way more than a streak of not messing up: It's literally thousands of incredible merits!

Keep up the great work!
In the place where ba’alei teshuva stand, even pure tzaddikim who never sinned cannot stand. (Rabbi Avohu, Brachos 34b)

Best way to break free: https://guardyoureyes.com/ebooks/item/the-battle-of-the-generation. Try it and see!

Re: Really Need Help- and pretty soon. 08 Oct 2019 14:25 #344119

  • ColinColin
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Re: Really Need Help- and pretty soon. 10 Oct 2019 18:26 #344144

  • AStrugglingJew
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Thought this was really good advice. Thanks
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