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90 days for the heavy addict...
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A recent scientific study shows that it takes 90 days to break an addictive pattern in the mind. Start your own Log of your journey to 90 days! Post here to update us on your status and to give each other chizuk to stay strong! See www.guardyoureyes.com/tools/90-day-chart.

TOPIC: 90 days for the heavy addict... 2746 Views

Re: 90 days for the heavy addict... 22 Feb 2019 13:58 #339163

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EscapeArtist wrote on 22 Feb 2019 05:08:
What a day...
Most of the day I felt on top of the world...
Satisfied with my family...
Satisfied with my job...
Mostly, satisfied with my growth in the area of lust!
I felt like I've somewhat come to terms with my addiction, accepted the fact that I'm gonna get triggered slightly here & there, but that's just me, & I'm asking the אייבישטער to deal with it for me. Felt like I knew that these triggers wouldn't be enough to send me to act out ח"ו, just that they're annoying feelings to contend with...
...
...then I stepped out my front door to go to Maariv, & it hit me that there may be a rare opportunity for a small chance at a specific תאוה I used to "enjoy"...

...in an instant, all those proud feelings were gone. All I could think of was "the h-ck with everything, w/ my sobriety, w/ my streak, w/ my freedom... I NEEEEEEEED this!!!!!!!!!!!!" Nevermind that the chances of actually finding what I was looking for were slim, & the chances that this wasn't really as golden an opportunity as I thought were quite high. Nevermind I can get in trouble... lose that job & that family...
...tried rapidly praying in my head for Hashem to magically make this urge disappear, as I took a few steps towards גיהנום...didn't work... I didn't really want it to...
 Finally my brain kicked in somewhat, & said "Hey you [censored], there's no way you can deal with this on your own, call for help NOW!" Tried calling my הייליגער sponsor, he didn't pick up. I desperately called another friend from SA (hey צדיק I know you're reading this), who picked up & heard me out. He didn't judge me, didn't make fun of my insane urges, he just thanked me for sharing my struggle at this crucial moment. He reminded me that I have this higher power who understands exactly how hard this is for me, & that he's right here to take it from me if I want. We prayed a bit together (-even more awkward than sharing the details of the struggle...) & hung up.
It didn't take the urge away, but I felt for the moment able to withstand it.
I went back home & said a tear-filled מזמור שיר חנוכת הבית (- I feel like that kappitel was tailor-made for 12-steppers...), trying to envision myself at the כותל just a few weeks ago saying the same kappitel. I went to a later Maariv, davened a fairly decent  שמונה עשרה, & asked Hashem, with a little more sincerity this time, to help me thru this. When I got back in the car, the insane urge was gone, at least for the moment.
...and here I am, alive to tell the story!
ואני אמרתי בשלוי בל אמוט לעולם - I thought things were fine, I'm doing great, I'm done with this lust business...
ה' ברצונך העמדת להררי עוז - nope. It's only by Hashem's grace that I manage to stay sober... (עיין Praise, my soul - R' Avigdor Miller זצ"ל)

...one day at a time...

Besides mentioning my name in vain, this is a truly super post. Those feelings of readiness to throw the whole damn thing away are so palatable. Like, who the f*ck cares anymore? No logic tells us otherwise. The ability to call someone at that time is almost super-human, maybe even miraculous. I only experienced that several times in my life. All the others, it was down the double barrel rabbit holes. Kol hakavod to you and all the others. Maybe it will help me now, but I highly doubt it will be thru a call.
I'm all about that (substantial) bass, no trouble ....

Re: 90 days for the heavy addict... 22 Feb 2019 15:55 #339167

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I think it would be helpful to Change how one feels and thinks, which would solve 2 issues: A. One wouldn't be uncomfortable in life B. One wouldn't get overly triggered.

A good method to use is to build one's abilities of comprehension. Try it for real, and see where one is holding after a few weeks.
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Re: 90 days for the heavy addict... 22 Feb 2019 17:31 #339179

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Tzvi5 wrote on 22 Feb 2019 15:55:
I think it would be helpful to Change how one feels and thinks, which would solve 2 issues: A. One wouldn't be uncomfortable in life B. One wouldn't get overly triggered.

A good method to use is to build one's abilities of comprehension. Try it for real, and see where one is holding after a few weeks.

Mr tzvi, you seem to like preaching and it seems to be the same sermon as well; that's fine, perhaps there is merit in your lecture. I'm not sure how much you know or don't know about addicts, or people similar to them, but several things I have learned in my stay here:  these type of people (of which I am one) don't like being talked down to, they don't like to be told what to do, and most of all, they like to feel attached with the other person before accepting suggestions. There must be a bond of sorts. You can keep spewing and it might be productive; I doubt it though. Just my troubling words. You can ignore if you'd like; that's what many should do after seeing posts that don't resonate with them.

Take care
I'm all about that (substantial) bass, no trouble ....

Re: 90 days for the heavy addict... 22 Feb 2019 18:07 #339181

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Trouble wrote on 22 Feb 2019 17:31:

Tzvi5 wrote on 22 Feb 2019 15:55:
I think it would be helpful to Change how one feels and thinks, which would solve 2 issues: A. One wouldn't be uncomfortable in life B. One wouldn't get overly triggered.

A good method to use is to build one's abilities of comprehension. Try it for real, and see where one is holding after a few weeks.

Mr tzvi, you seem to like preaching and it seems to be the same sermon as well; that's fine, perhaps there is merit in your lecture. I'm not sure how much you know or don't know about addicts, or people similar to them, but several things I have learned in my stay here:  these type of people (of which I am one) don't like being talked down to, they don't like to be told what to do, and most of all, they like to feel attached with the other person before accepting suggestions. There must be a bond of sorts. You can keep spewing and it might be productive; I doubt it though. Just my troubling words. You can ignore if you'd like; that's what many should do after seeing posts that don't resonate with them.

Take care

Well written.

Humility is a nice trait to learn as well. Sadly, I am still learnin'.
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Re: 90 days for the heavy addict... 24 Feb 2019 21:37 #339201

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This is the best post I've read on GYE. So relatable and inspiring. Thank you

Re: 90 days for the heavy addict... 25 Feb 2019 07:02 #339204

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cordnoy wrote on 22 Feb 2019 18:07:

Trouble wrote on 22 Feb 2019 17:31:

Tzvi5 wrote on 22 Feb 2019 15:55:
I think it would be helpful to Change how one feels and thinks, which would solve 2 issues: A. One wouldn't be uncomfortable in life B. One wouldn't get overly triggered.

A good method to use is to build one's abilities of comprehension. Try it for real, and see where one is holding after a few weeks.

Mr tzvi, you seem to like preaching and it seems to be the same sermon as well; that's fine, perhaps there is merit in your lecture. I'm not sure how much you know or don't know about addicts, or people similar to them, but several things I have learned in my stay here:  these type of people (of which I am one) don't like being talked down to, they don't like to be told what to do, and most of all, they like to feel attached with the other person before accepting suggestions. There must be a bond of sorts. You can keep spewing and it might be productive; I doubt it though. Just my troubling words. You can ignore if you'd like; that's what many should do after seeing posts that don't resonate with them.

Take care

Well written.

Humility is a nice trait to learn as well. Sadly, I am still learnin'.

Yes - Trouble does have a way of putting things doesn't he?

Re: 90 days for the heavy addict... 25 Feb 2019 16:57 #339212

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A piece of advice isn't preaching. One who gets offended when he is given advice and feels he's preached at is mistaken. If one is sick and someone gives advice (ex. One likes to bang his head into the wall) that's not called preaching.
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link to my story guardyoureyes.com/forum/19-Introduce-Yourself/339218-My-journey-to-sanity

Re: 90 days for the heavy addict... 25 Feb 2019 17:01 #339213

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Regarding your question about how much I know addicts, in response, I have been to sa for 18 months and know a few people quite well. 
Knas money can go to paypal.me/196leadersoftomorrow?locale.x=en_US
Help Jewish public school students receive Jewish education once a week.
may that be a zchus you'll decide to change your life around.
Email aronieberger@gmail.com to find out how an ex sa member found serenity through Torah Study.

link to my story guardyoureyes.com/forum/19-Introduce-Yourself/339218-My-journey-to-sanity

Re: 90 days for the heavy addict... 25 Feb 2019 17:12 #339214

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Tzvi5 wrote on 25 Feb 2019 16:57:
A piece of advice isn't preaching. One who gets offended when he is given advice and feels he's preached at is mistaken. If one is sick and someone gives advice (ex. One likes to bang his head into the wall) that's not called preaching.

Perhaps it's not. Nonetheless, I think a valid point has been made that people want to feel an attachment (or at least acceptance) from the speaker before accepting the advice. You sound like a very nice person with experience and success. Why not say hello to people (on the forum), share a little about yourself, and find out about others. Once people feel connected to you, I'm sure your own experiences can be very helpful to others.
Perhaps your thread that you started last week would be  a good place to do that.

Hope to read it soon.
sg
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Re: 90 days for the heavy addict... 26 Feb 2019 00:01 #339230

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One need not always live up to their name.
Ahem
:pinch: Warning: Spoiler!
BIG SHOT!
Free Choice?!
Yirai's Memories
STORY TIME :)

Dr. Seuss - You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself in any direction you choose. You're on your own, and you know what you know. And you are the guy who'll decide where to go.

FSKOT! (Fell Shmell--Keep on Trucking) (The Rebba R' Bards)
Last Edit: 26 Feb 2019 00:03 by stillgoing.

Re: 90 days for the heavy addict... 26 Feb 2019 03:25 #339236

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Ok Chevra no fighting please...

Thanks Tzvi for clarifying in your new thread what you mean by "comprehension"; as to some of us troubled individuals it just sounded like you may have been hinting at us to follow our brains instead of our whatever...
I assumed you couldn't have meant that, but you were a drop vague... I've already mentioned in a different thread how sensitive we all need to be with the struggling individuals on this site. This ain't the YWN Coffee Room.
Anyways I appreciate Tzvi's idea of taking the time to make sure we can repeat in our own words what we are reading, both in learning & in recovery literature. (I personally need to read some sentences in the white book & big book numerous times till I get an inkling of what I just read, it's like those books were written by drug-addicts or something!)

Everyone should continue to be זוכה to be מחזק & מתחזק on this wonderful site!

Re: 90 days for the heavy addict... 28 Feb 2019 05:13 #339299

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yaaaaaawn...sorry
My adorable anxiety-ridden daughter burst into my room at about 5am, freaking out uncontrollably about she-has-no-idea-what. A real anxiety attack. My wife tried patiently to calm her down, telling her she has to take a deep breath & stop shouting. Nothin' doin'. My wife left the room & I took over.  I have a drop more training in this area (Kudos to TU) & realize anxiety's a real illness, & not the poor kid's fault. I just hugged her & told her i know how hard this is for her & that she can't control it. She was calm in seconds.
After that round of applause I'll add that I still had to lay with her till it was just about time to get up for שחרית, as she has a knack for restarting the outbursts at the slightest annoyance. But it gave me plenty of time for reflection...
This 7 year old kid nebach has a real issue, but until it's acknowledged as a genuine problem, & not her "fault", we expect her to solve it, & of course, she can't. But as soon as I told her that I get it, & that she can't control it, she was cured, albeit for the moment. (We all know people who unfortunately refuse to acknowledge this as a real issue, & continue to live in suffering, ה' ירחם, but that's another shmuess...)
Kinda sounds similar to my issues. As long as I think I'm a normal guy who just enjoys acting out, I'm doomed. I gotta acknowledge that there's a real problem here, beyond my control.
Well, with the help of my wonderful sponsor (חצי שבחו בפניו), I finished my first-step inventory today. After reading all that, I can easily say, yeah, I got a problem. I'm outta control, & I've got my dear Chevra in SA to give me that hug & tell me they understand how hard this is for me, & they fully believe that it's not my fault. Now I'm ready to hand it over to Hashem to get me through this...

Thanks for letting me share.

(yes dear sponsor I know we've got a bunch more steps to work on... let me get some sleep first will ya'?)

Re: 90 days for the heavy addict... 07 Mar 2019 19:24 #339465

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Hello again Chevra,
So I like to fool myself & think that I'm actually on the road to being normal, as BH I find myself in situations that would have previously sent me running away to "never-never land", & now I don't feel any chemical reactions whatsoever... kinda nice this feeling of freedom...
Well today I had unfortunately a family levaya... trying very hard to be all somber & reflect on the life of the נפטרת & how she lived a life full of שמחה & she had such a לב טוב & she was always WHOA CHECK OUT THAT PRETTY RELATIVE did she get a new sheitel? She looks great! Oh wow look at THAT one...! I wish my wife would... ... ... oh right I'm at a funeral for crying out loud... At least at the cemetery I was able to control my addict-brain right? duh. I'm shoveling dirt into the grave & all I can think is how manly do I look in front of all these women watching... רחמנא ליצלן.
Does this business ever get better???

Re: 90 days for the heavy addict... 08 Mar 2019 15:41 #339482

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Today I'm cranky.
Cranky at me for being cranky at her for being cranky at me for acting cranky to her when I meant it as a joke blah blah blah...
Sounds confusing? I'm trying to "surrender" my resentments so I don't feel like the only sensible way out of this is to escape to lustland,  while she wants me to voice it out so we can "agree to disagree"... I'm trying to get less enthusiastic about intimacy while her (& her therapist) are expecting me to get more enthusiastic...
I'm confused. And cranky. No idea what I'm supposed to be doing. I only know what I feel like doing... I left work early today, bec every trigger is being magnified 10X & their filters are a lot weaker than mine, I already had to resist the urge to whet my appetite once today.
Have a great Shabbos everyone!

Re: 90 days for the heavy addict... 08 Mar 2019 16:26 #339483

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EscapeArtist wrote on 08 Mar 2019 15:41:
Today I'm cranky.
Cranky at me for being cranky at her for being cranky at me for acting cranky to her when I meant it as a joke blah blah blah...
Sounds confusing? I'm trying to "surrender" my resentments so I don't feel like the only sensible way out of this is to escape to lustland,  while she wants me to voice it out so we can "agree to disagree"... I'm trying to get less enthusiastic about intimacy while her (& her therapist) are expecting me to get more enthusiastic...
I'm confused. And cranky. No idea what I'm supposed to be doing. I only know what I feel like doing... I left work early today, bec every trigger is being magnified 10X & their filters are a lot weaker than mine, I already had to resist the urge to whet my appetite once today.
Have a great Shabbos everyone!

Picking yourself up from the triggering environment you describe, is impressive and inspiring. I wish you continued success. 
Aka -  Mischadeish075
 
 
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