ManWhoStumbles wrote on 21 Nov 2018 00:29:

I have the same problem. Ironically after wasting lots of time, im actually triggered to act out.

In general I think there are two things that need to be done. 1. What do you do if you are already triggered, how will you stop yourself. 2. Identity and try to reduce triggers.

In fact if you have learned how to do number 1 will then number 2 becomes imperative otherwise you can go meshuga from always being triggered but not acting out!

Either way I think my point is i don't think it's neccecarily a bad thing to work on your triggers even if they are not averos.

Either way as usual ymmv

Hakolhevel wrote on 21 Nov 2018 01:45:

Maybe also

3. work on being motivated to do 1 and 2, which can require a big commitment

Day 10: I feel weak, since I'm a bit stressed over a five page paper I have to complete this weekend. I need Hashem to help me, use the internet properly, so I can write the paper without Bittul Torah or anything. I have Emunah that I will choose correctly, and be able to do it. I am responsible for my actions, so whatever happens is only on me. 

ManWhoStumbles wrote on 23 Nov 2018 02:18:

Maybe you can work on this in a library?

mzl wrote on 23 Nov 2018 03:59:

Reminds me of the hundreds of times I have accessed inappropriate material in a library...

Emunah doesn't help a person to choose correctly. הכל בידי שמים חוץ מיראת שמים.
I'm speaking for myself here. The key is to de-stress in a healthy manner. Day 10 is normal to feel like this. We have emunah in you that you can be successful.

Hatzlocha Rabba on the paper and on the time spent on it!

Sorry to disappoint you, but I just fell by watching p and mzl. I realize I was following football before I fell, so I have to avoid that. Additionally, I was stressed out over how to incorporate a reference, which lead to a distraction cycle. I realize how petty this us, and I will avoid it in the future. Additionally, I watched a movie with a sex scene in it, and that could have been a possible trigger. Falls happened in similar situations, and I must try to come up with a way to a) stop b)do Teshuvah.

ManWhoStumbles wrote on 23 Nov 2018 05:14:

10 days is a good break, a very good first step. If you ever go to the doctor, they ask are you a smoker, do you drink - often, sometimes, never. I try to drink more often now but once I said to a doctor truthfully - well I have a little wine for kiddush once a week - does that count. He said no. That is not considered an occasional drinker, that's considered medically as nothing.
Here's what I hope will be received as chizuk (Sorry for the length):
Of course, an aveira is bad and is not to be easily dismissed. It should be something you take seriously by, let me think, joining a website designed to help and posting, and working on yourself thru tremendous nisayonos. Have you tried that? That would be a good start. O you have - haven't you...
You have to put porn and the acts associated in perspective despite the yetzer's misleading schemes (which means real positive thinking) and not letting an infrequent occurrence become more common.
I am gym member, got a deal, whatever little while back. I went to that gym like 10 days ago literally (maybe I will go after getting off GYE), I have thought about going daily, is on my to do list, I got these headphones that block out the sound from Amazon- they are really nice to listen to a podcast or shiur or some music. I often sit at home saying wouldn't it be great to go? I just get busy and from the fact I don't do it that often - it makes feel I don't take it that seriously.
Let me ask you: would anyone classify me as a gym rat? That'd be a no. I did go, I might go tonight, I do like the feeling I get after working out. I sometimes long for being fit and having a great stomach. I still am just a guy who is not in shape who occasionally goes to the gym. You at worse now a guy who occasionally looks at inappropriate stuff. No offense, you are not that bad. Not to mention, you are doing teshuva already.
You are doing what you have to do, don't let the yetzer hara fool you. You are running a successful business that's profits are in the most valuable market there is. Now, no one intelligent running a successful business doesn't look to make changes. Improve the bottom line. But no one rips apart the business because there is a bad day. They also don't fix every problem in every department every day. They look - what is the biggest issues in the market, the biggest obstacles to our future growth. They focus on those. 
Be strong - chat, watch a chizuk inducing shiur, take on something small like a good next tefila, put on some good music and have a tantz. I know you feel really down - and guess what even if I go to the gym a few times this week, that doesn't take away all the eating. So to you still have good even if you fall and fall again, you still have valuable assets - don't abandon the business.

ManWhoStumbles wrote on 23 Nov 2018 05:14:

Hi. I reviewed your older posts to try to make relevant comments. It looks like you have been here about ten months and you are very determined, and you use your compulsive behavior about every 10 days just like you said in your own introduction. You love football but you feel bad about watching it and you make a good point that watching football sometimes leads to other things. And you have some challenges with filters.

I was reminded of the fact that you once wrote some day-to-day reasons why p is bad for you. That's really good because it can help your motivation. However it's a relative thing: can you write down the reasons why you love p, too? So not just the reasons why you hate it but also why you love it. Then you'll be able to see whether the downside of using p every ten days actually outweighs the upside. Again, it's relative. It doesn't stop you to know that you'll feel like a hypocrite when you daven for the amud if the "advantages" of p once in ten days are a life-saver. I hope I said that clearly.

Once you have realistic and objective pros and cons of doing p every ten days you'll know if you are really motivated enough. Once you know you can change your life so the cons of p outweigh the pros, if they don't already. That's my first point.

Secondly I want to say that I don't see in your posts references to urge control. Stopping a compulsive behavior presupposes a solid, lasting motivation, but once that is in place you need a technique to control your urges. Now I'm sure that by now a lot of people have tried to help you in private messages with one technique or another. Do you have any experiences with any behaviors to control urges day to day, such as nedarim, surrender, or my own procedure (link below) ?

If you'd like to discuss anything in more detail I can give you a phone number. Markz has strict limits on how much I'm allowed to write here.

Sorr for not being able to respond, but I have a large project due Monday which I have to work on. I will elaborate more later and create a cost benefit analysis. Yesterday was a hard night with porn but no mzl, so I don't consider it a fall. I am going to try Hitbolludut, and reveal me feelings to G-d. The benefits of watching porn/mzl every 10 days are pleasure, and temporary calm. Mzl also relieves certain anxiety about not ejaculating, but I realize that that this worry is baseless.  The costs are guilt (obviously not a strong enough factor), waste of time, violates the religious principles I want to have. Also the risk of getting caught is anxiety causing. I will get a sense of accomplishment from avoiding porn. 
​I may elaborate more this week, and will try to look at MZL's tips. 

ManWhoStumbles wrote on 16 Nov 2018 00:29:

Hi Man. It sounds like you are really motivated to keep going and growing.

I've been on gye for a few years and most of that time I spent falling flat - getting up and falling. I first began to gain a little when I realized that my 'falls' weren't what I needed to stop.   When I would play games for 2 hours wasting my time (something that I did a lot) it would often lead to a fall. Eventually I realized that I shouldn't be working on not falling after playing, I should work on not playing.  When i focused on not falling i was constantly being faced with challenges which i usually plunged right into down down, but when my focus was healthy living and avoiding my slips, lust life settled down somewhat and challenges weren't as frequent.  In a sense i considered my slides as if they were falls.

I used to look at my slipping like I was falling but I got so depressed that I had so many sips.

mirror wrote on 25 Nov 2018 18:09:

Sorry, I didn't mean that we should get down about slips as if they were falls. Of course, slips are not as bad as falls. What i meant was that when we are battling our lust, before we fall we have to consider the slips to be just as bad. Maybe think of it like a car on an icy road. Slipping on the pavement isn't nearly as bad as crashing, but we have to try our hardest to avoid skidding in the first place.

I just fell again with p and mzl. It wasn't masturbation though so it was sort of an accident.  I think I need a total restart. No computers except for school work and torah. I have reached a pretty low point, even though I am getting a lot of feedback. This is pretty bad. 

Don't give up, and use the pain you are feeling now to help propell you to really work on living a sane life.

I too used to not consider porn a fall, but 95 percent of the time, porn leads to more porn and mzl in the next 5 days... That is why I believe gye is so strict on porn, aside from the sin of looking itself. Taking the sin out of the equation, looking at porn will most likely lead you to mzl. 

In regards to the constant falls. Just curious as today is a sunday. Did today's fall happen after watching alot of football?

The fall did occur after following football. B'ezras shamiyim, I will be able to use Mzl's approach to stop following football and games, and thus remove the triggers for greater sins.