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Scientific studies show that it takes 90 days to break an addictive pattern in the mind. Start your own Log of your journey to 90 days! Post here to update us on your status and to give each other chizuk to stay strong!

TOPIC: Repeated falls 7839 Views

Repeated falls 12 Nov 2018 22:41 #337183

  • ManWhoStumbles
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Hello all,
I have come through a series of falls recently, and after trying exercise, Torah study, and  other ways of improving my life and character, I still find myself  watching p and mzl on about a weekly basis. I thinking it part of a larger problem of not fearing G-d or feeling connected except at specific times.  Some have mentioned in the past about changing my name to ManwoStumbles, but the gye system doesn't allow that. 
Now that I have failed at it alone, I have Emunah, that I could use this system to reach 90. 

Re: Repeated falls 13 Nov 2018 00:43 #337185

  • hakolhevel
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Hi. You have come to a great place. Stick around, don't give up and I'm sure you will see hatzlacha
My Thread:The Road To Being Honest With Myself (and others:)

My other Thread: My Daily Inspiration

I'm not a slow learner, I'm just quick to forget" - Eli Nash

A bit of honesty and less over confidence might help me - Imperfection

Re: Repeated falls 13 Nov 2018 01:45 #337190

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Welcome. I started off here in a much worse place and bh am doing well. Stay connected here and iyh the chevra will help you break free.
Feel free to contact me at michelgelner@gmail.com

My threads: Lessons Learned: guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/335248-Lessons-Learned

                    My Story and G-d Bless GYE: guardyoureyes.com/forum/17-Balei-Battims-Forum/303036-My-story-and-G-d-bless-GYE

Re: Repeated falls 13 Nov 2018 03:25 #337192

Hey!!! Welcome! I can really relate to what you wrote about feeling like you’ve tried everything. I remember thinking I must be a hopeless case because I couldn’t seem to shake this problem of mine. Turns out I was totally wrong! While I haven’t totally kicked it, I’m eons away from where I was  

I think it’s great that you are going for the 90 day challenge. I would just recommend being kind to yourself during this journey. Most ppl don’t get there on the first or second try, so even if someone beats their previous record that is also awesome! Lastly, maybe it will help to post an short update each day on the forum about how the day went. That personally helped me a lot when I started the 90 day challenge. Good luck and KUTGW! 
If you are really bored, you can check out my original thread here: guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/305558-Journey-of-one-day-at-a-time 

"Think good and it will be good!"

Re: Repeated falls 14 Nov 2018 03:53 #337232

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Day 1: Went mostly smooth. I must watch where I'm looking, and try to learn more Torah. I also need to focus a bit more on fear of heaven. 

Re: Repeated falls 16 Nov 2018 00:29 #337290

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Day 3: I need some Chizuk. I just wasted 2 hours playing games, and I feel like I am slipping. I didn't do anything inappropriate B'H but I still feel guilt over so much wasted time. Can someone give me strength to continue on this journey?
Update: I got this, but I still want to do some encouragement. Will exercise and try to break free of this time wasting slip. I am in control, and I love the Ribono Shel Olam. 

Re: Repeated falls 16 Nov 2018 01:54 #337291

Yo, look at the guilt as a good thing. This means you have higher aspirations which is awesome. However, remember to be kind to yourself and not expect yourself to change overnight.

Sometimes we go from watching porn, to not only wanting to stop watching porn, but to suddenly also become an angel overnight. Then we fail, feel guilty, and turn to porn for comfort. Sometimes, we are the worst judges of ourself because we are so subjective.

So as a non biased third party, let me tell you that you are kicking bu**. You are on day 3, and you are doing great, KUTGW, and keep us posted. 
If you are really bored, you can check out my original thread here: guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/305558-Journey-of-one-day-at-a-time 

"Think good and it will be good!"

Re: Repeated falls 16 Nov 2018 09:20 #337301

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ManWhoStumbles wrote on 16 Nov 2018 00:29:
Day 3: I need some Chizuk. I just wasted 2 hours playing games, and I feel like I am slipping. I didn't do anything inappropriate B'H but I still feel guilt over so much wasted time. Can someone give me strength to continue on this journey?
Update: I got this, but I still want to do some encouragement. Will exercise and try to break free of this time wasting slip. I am in control, and I love the Ribono Shel Olam. 

In my experience guilt just makes you more likely to fold. You can refuse to feel guilty if you think guilt makes you act out.

The time might be better spent learning, unless you are one of those people who learn all day long.

Re: Repeated falls 18 Nov 2018 03:40 #337320

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Day 5: I was slightly sad Motzei Shabbos, and then I learned a bit of Parsha,  ran and felt better. I was racked by some pretty strong sexual dreams last night, so I sort of feel scared for the next couple of days. I know I can continue so I will.  I will keep you guys updated.
     On a side note, I have a problem with online games and professional football, which shows my old problem watching inappropriate things might be part of greater screen addiction.  Any thoughts?

Re: Repeated falls 18 Nov 2018 04:37 #337322

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The dreams are to be expected - just ignore them. Its subconscious withdrawal. You obviously appear focused on recovery and will iyh get there. Regarding your question - At some future time it would be worthwhile to examine the general screen addiction issue, but for right now let's deal with habits that involve issurim. I know some will disagree with me, its just my opinion.
Feel free to contact me at michelgelner@gmail.com

My threads: Lessons Learned: guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/335248-Lessons-Learned

                    My Story and G-d Bless GYE: guardyoureyes.com/forum/17-Balei-Battims-Forum/303036-My-story-and-G-d-bless-GYE

Re: Repeated falls 18 Nov 2018 06:31 #337325

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Hashem Help Me wrote on 18 Nov 2018 04:37:
The dreams are to be expected - just ignore them. Its subconscious withdrawal. You obviously appear focused on recovery and will iyh get there. Regarding your question - At some future time it would be worthwhile to examine the general screen addiction issue, but for right now let's deal with habits that involve issurim. I know some will disagree with me, its just my opinion.

You took the words right out of my mouth.

Re: Repeated falls 18 Nov 2018 16:03 #337329

I’d have to agree with what everyone has said so far. I don’t give significance to my dreams or ascribe too much meaning to them. I tend to care more about what happens when I’m awake. 

In a similar vein, people often give more credence to their thoughts than their actions, thinking that their thoughts represent who they really are more so than their actions do. This usually screws them over, just like caring too much about dreams does. 

With re to the video games: One demon at a time is the way to go for most. 

Good of luck and KUTGW!
If you are really bored, you can check out my original thread here: guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/305558-Journey-of-one-day-at-a-time 

"Think good and it will be good!"

Re: Repeated falls 19 Nov 2018 04:57 #337340

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Day 6: Thank you for helping me realize that my thoughts are not significant unless I dwell on them. The next couple of days will be stressful by I will try to express my feelings to heaven and not bury them under the false pleasure of inappropriate imagery.   

Re: Repeated falls 19 Nov 2018 22:07 #337354

  • hakolhevel
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ManWhoStumbles wrote:
     On a side note, I have a problem with online games and professional football, which shows my old problem watching inappropriate things might be part of greater screen addiction.  Any thoughts?

I know people said only to worry about the big stuff. But is there anything about those football games and online games that trigger you? Like maybe the people cheering on the sideline...

As much as you want to avoid the porn at all cost. You also really want to watch your triggers...
My Thread:The Road To Being Honest With Myself (and others:)

My other Thread: My Daily Inspiration

I'm not a slow learner, I'm just quick to forget" - Eli Nash

A bit of honesty and less over confidence might help me - Imperfection

Re: Repeated falls 21 Nov 2018 00:29 #337377

  • ManWhoStumbles
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Day 8: Those things are wastes of time from Torah, and fill up my mind with idle thoughts while also stressing me about being non-productive. After playing online games or following football, I often get triggered to watch inappropriate things.  I have Emunah that I will be able keep going strong though, especially since the deadline for the stressor got pushed back
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