Day 13.

Doing Pretty ok today. Though the waves feel pretty numb today and I hate that feeling, It's funny but sometimes I'd rather feel bad emotions than Numbness could anyone else relate?

As such there is a little voice in my mind that says "Yankel go act out""That way you will feel the high and get rid of the numbness" But I've listened to that voice in the past so many times and "every single time I ended up feeling way more terrible after so i won't be fooled today by that stupid voice 

I guess i'll go get my high from posting on GYE, Chatting with people, Gym, some mindfulness exsersizes to calm me down Etc, Those ways actually work!

 Love you all Yankele!

RidingTheWaves wrote on 23 Aug 2018 14:15:

Learning gemara might clear it up.

Unfortunately I once again had a slip, again it happened on the extra computer I have by work. while looking something up that lead to a link on Facebook and me clicking on that same exact profile as last time. Now my yetzer hara want's me so badly to go back. I just can't afford that! I guess I should call people!


 Love Yankel

RidingTheWaves wrote on 23 Aug 2018 20:49:

Do you have people to call?

mzl wrote on 23 Aug 2018 22:09:

Yes, but sadly I didn't call them 

Unfortunately I had a terrible fall yesterday, once I fell a little I was pretty much unstoppable. I really hit rock bottom yesterday I had one fall followed by countless others even though I was so dizzy and with no strength left I still kept falling, so much so that this morning I actually fainted because of how dizzy and out of strength I was feeling I was totally crazy. And I think I really was able to understood step one "that our lives had become unmanageable." I guess as terrible as I feel right now, I'm extremely grateful to hashem for once again really helping me understand that doesn't matter what it will take I am sick and I can't continue living this way. And it's about time I take recovery for real. I can't do the 1/2 recovery programs I've been doing so far, I have to go all the way, whatever it takes even If I have to take some bold steps!

As such I agree to the following for the next 15 days (after 15 days I will extend it)

-If I go on any unfiltered computer within the next 15 days (besides for my main work computer which unfortunately I have to go on) I will have to give $100 to GYE regardless of what I do on those computers
-If I fall within the next 15 Days I will also have to give $100 to GYE

RidingTheWaves wrote on 24 Aug 2018 15:37:

Why not save $200 and go to a free face-to-face meeting?

mzl wrote on 24 Aug 2018 18:47:

I started going to live PA meetings every monday!

Day 14 B'h!

ODAAT Through working the program and keeping in touch with the chevra  I hope to become a sober person! I will continue my commitment for another 15 days until day 30

-If I go on any unfiltered computer within the next 15 days (besides for my main work computer which unfortunately I have to go on) I will have to give $100 to GYE regardless of what I do on those computers. Unless someone is with me in the room AND looking at my screen.
-If I fall within the next 15 Days I will also have to give $100 to GYE

 Wishing all my GYE buddies a sweet, and sober new year!

 Regards Your friend Yankel!

Hello my dear buddies. 

It's been a while since I last posted B'h today i am 141 days clean, I will hopefully describe in a future post what has helped me get to this point!

Anyways lately I have been having some real rough temptations and while I b'h didn't pass my red line and acted out I did have some slips lately. So I decided it's time to get more involved in my recovery, posting on the forum and hopefully helping out others on their journey.

Anyways wishing all my GYE buddies a great and sober shabbos!

 Love you all your friend Yankel!

Welcome back!