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MZL on the 90-day highway
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Scientific studies show that it takes 90 days to break an addictive pattern in the mind. Start your own Log of your journey to 90 days! Post here to update us on your status and to give each other chizuk to stay strong!

TOPIC: MZL on the 90-day highway 80734 Views

Re: MZL on the 90-day highway 20 Sep 2018 09:06 #335652

  • mzl
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Day 104

Re: MZL on the 90-day highway 23 Sep 2018 05:19 #335737

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Day 107

Re: MZL on the 90-day highway 26 Sep 2018 02:35 #335773

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Day 110

Re: MZL on the 90-day highway 27 Sep 2018 23:58 #335816

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Day 111

Re: MZL on the 90-day highway 30 Sep 2018 03:44 #335863

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Re: MZL on the 90-day highway 30 Sep 2018 19:38 #335874

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My wife has been expecting. The data over the last couple of years shows that when I act out she has a miscarriage. I hate to watch her go through a miscarriage. I've been bothering her for tashmish a couple of times a week. I was about to do it again but I feel horrible. She doesn't like to be a release valve even when she's not expecting, and now it's worse because she's expecting. But the fact that she is theoretically available makes it more difficult.

I feel ridiculous when I think that I should aim for no s*x at all. The rational expectation from this woman is to expect zero, for reasons I really can't divulge. But I feel like I'm showing off if I really aim for zero.

I'm tired of using her. I feel like I'm imposing. But if I screw up I put her through the terrible ordeal of a miscarriage.

Re: MZL on the 90-day highway 01 Oct 2018 18:48 #335887

  • KoachCheshvan
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Of course, I don't know the whole story but the OU has a link for the halachos regarding marital relations:

 www.ou.org/torah/halacha/hashoneh-halachos/1045-marital-relations/

Re: MZL on the 90-day highway 03 Oct 2018 03:27 #335898

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Day 117

Re: MZL on the 90-day highway 03 Oct 2018 07:26 #335906

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I think I need to define being clean as not asking my wife for s*x when she's not in the mood.

For this reason I reset my count to zero tonight.

It's weird but I'm not trying to do it to show off. It's just a reflection of how she views s*x. I know her and I know she has to view it that way. Can't go into details.

I'm really sad for setting my count to zero but I'm hoping it will help me to stop bothering her.

Re: MZL on the 90-day highway 03 Oct 2018 07:26 #335907

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Day 0

Re: MZL on the 90-day highway 03 Oct 2018 14:04 #335919

  • KoachCheshvan
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I have to say, MZL, that you inspire me with the love that you obviously have for your wife.  

Re: MZL on the 90-day highway 03 Oct 2018 14:49 #335921

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KoachCheshvan wrote on 03 Oct 2018 14:04:
I have to say, MZL, that you inspire me with the love that you obviously have for your wife.  

You got me on a good day

Re: MZL on the 90-day highway 04 Oct 2018 02:38 #335939

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Day 1

Re: MZL on the 90-day highway 04 Oct 2018 02:51 #335941

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I believe you would stand to benefit a lot from a fully open relationship with a person who is clean a few years, married, and has no alterior motive or curiosity factor.

You obviously have many very good ideas that could be a lot more effective for you with a bit of help from someone other than yourself, just as I and many others do.
"Off the 18-wheeler and fine on this tricycle!", "I do not particularly care exactly which "lav" suicide is. I'm not interested in it for other reasons...and you are probably the same."

Re: MZL on the 90-day highway 04 Oct 2018 03:18 #335943

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WOW WOW WOW!!!!

I think this is the most inspiring couple of posts I have seen on the forum....

What comes to mind is "Sheva Yipol Tzadik V'kam"
I used to think it was "Shema" that maybe you will fall.
It says SHEVA. i.e. you WILL fall not once, not twice, but SEVEN times (or more).
The reason (one of many facets) for this is that in climbing to a new level you have to reach a new level in facing your challenges. It's only when we taste success and then fail do we come to a new realization of what a higher level of success is. 


If I am understanding your recent journey correctly and the way you said you fell....
You had tremendous success being clean for over a whopping 100 days!
That is a truly incredible feat and I am sure you are happy with that accomplishment. However, now you are looking to go to the next level. Now you want your clean days to be more wholesome. It's like sometimes a doctor breaks a broken arm to reset in the correct position. So in order to be in a position where without a female in your life you can also be clean, you have to start again. With the experience from the past 90-day highway drive, now you can go on to the next 90-day highway experience and reach an even higher level in the 90 days.

Im rooting for you!!!

(Also I am on my journey through 90 and Its a good reminder that nothing changes at 90 and every day is a new challenge in growing and becoming better people. #PositiveThinking #90days #GYE #ShmirasHabris)
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