mzl wrote on 21 Jun 2018 15:11:

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I saw that woman that was all dressed up a couple of days ago. This time she was looking casual. She just said hi, almost trying not to be noticed. I think I told myself that she's is in love with me and she is crushed because I won't love her.

I think the problem with this is that I cannot really know for sure what she is thinking. And another problem is that even if she's in love with me I am not truly responsible for the way she feels. I'm not that powerful, I can't control people like that.

I suppose there must be lots of women who like me and are heartbroken and I don't even know ha ha

Day 14

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Big fight with my wife. I thought "I'm not staying clean for this!"

But then I noticed that I'm not really upset, just exhausted and have no patience for other crazy people. Fortunately, as my mother used to say, the day is basically over.

mzl wrote on 21 Jun 2018 20:40:

A lot or all of this is only in your head. Men often and frequently believe that a woman wants them, when all she was actually doing is being polite and saying good morning or some such. Even if she is in love with you, you are not responsible for it in any way (unless you showed interest) and you don't need to control people like that, only avoid them or if necessary tell/show them in a polite but firm way that you are not available.

Also if you are attracted to her, try use HHM's suggestion on my 90 day thread: 
"Maybe when you see her, daven that she should have a nice day. By doing so you de-objectify her. You remind yourself she has her own life - bills to pay, headaches, supper to cook. She is someone's daughter, sister, mother, friend... She is off limits to me. She is not a toy or object of fantasy. Where do i get the chutzpa to "tresspass" and "use" her even in my thoughts?! Now i will daven that she has a nice day....  Try it, it works. Let us know if it does the job for you."

Yes, I am attracted to her, you are attracted to the girls in the ice cream shop. I am attracted to a ton of women at work.

I tried davening for women years ago. It works in certain cases, depending on what you are thinking deep down. It's a good thing to do regardless, even if you are not a sex addict. It's not really my cup of tea because I'm a scientist and I like minimalistic solutions. Perfection is not when there is nothing left to add, but when there is nothing left to take away. If it were the only tool I have I would definitely use it though.

With this woman if I just run into her I usually just need to remind myself that I have a choice not to think about her when I see her. Sometimes I think I don't have a choice. Like the other day, I really liked the way her dress fit snugly around her body and the thought that she wanted to seduce me. So there I had to really prove to myself that I had a choice not to think about her.

If I see her in a meeting I usually just need to focus on the business at hand. If she's talking I work hard to focus on the merits of what she is saying (is it correct, does it make sense ...) instead of studying how she fits inside her dress. If someone else is talking I focus on what they are saying. Does it make sense to me?

Yesterday a muslim woman colleague stood in my cube at work for ten minutes to discuss something she needed from me. While she's not really my type I was attracted to her colorful dress. At first I was thinking about it while she was talking. So then I focused intensely on our technical discussion.

I think the forum is helping in a big to provide the motivation I need to stay clean.

My mother was nifter recently and every now and then in my mind I see her matzeva. I feel much happier knowing that when I am nifter people can look at my matzeva and think that I was a regular in a sex addiction forum in order to comply with the halacha day in and day out.

I think my wife will get some real satisfaction from me this month because I'm staying clean with all you holy fellows.

Recently. pointed out to my wife that she lost so much weight that I don't feel any desire unless she is wearing something. And she did on purpose, she's big on her diet and on exercising, and I think she needs all this stuff, this is how she is. She needs to be the best.

A couple of days ago I noticed a very unusual behavior though, she ate a bunch of carbs all at once, like someone who is definitely not dieting. And last night we were arguing and she indicated that she was upset that she was too thin for me.

I think I am telling myself that I'll be able to control her into being my sexual servant because she is crushed by my dissatisfaction with her. That she ties her self esteem to my sexual satisfaction. This is the thought that kicked off my sexual addiction, when I saw an erotic cartoon along those lines.

I think that I cannot know for sure that this is indeed what's going through her mind. In fact, now that I think about it I remember that I have had this thought before and in the end it turned out I was wrong.

Much better ...

My apologies, but this thread keeps reminding me of the AC/DC song.

Take care good buddy; wishing you well.

I don't know why you are apologizing but thanks for the good wishes.

I think I'm having a little anxiety because my wife is basically foaming at the mouth that she has the kids at home this summer and we can't afford camp. It's very hard for her because she's a perfectionist so she is not at liberty to set reasonable expectations for herself with the kids at home: she thinks the kids must have this, or must have that. But since she can't really be as perfect as her standard she starts blaming me for the breakdown of the perfect outcome. In other words she's perfect as long as other people get it done. She is pretty good though, so it's easy to fall into that trap.

At any rate, I think I am afraid of her raging at me and throwing me out of the house. I won't have enough money to live on.

I think I need to focus on what I am doing and make sure that I don't "bite" when she's looking for a fight.

BTW the reason I called it the 90-day highway is because the 90-day web page is jammed with people working to stay clean.

Hopefully I am not on a highway to hell like AC/DC. Actually I don't like that tune. I like the melody to Shoot to Thrill but I can't make out all the lyrics, don't understand them, and I have a feeling I'm better off leaving it that way.

I often think that a really good way to understand who Hashem is is to look at your young children 

My wife is going crazy because she's going to have the kids at home in the summer, and I just realized that I may have access to some money to put the kids in camp.

When I mentioned the possibility of the money she got pretty mellow.

I think I am telling myself that my giving her money means that I can enslave her sexually. The problem with this is that it has never really worked before. So I think it's hard to know for sure that this rosy prediction will pan out. And that makes me feel much better.

I am thinking about trying rejection practice. I would have to make eye contact with people, say hello, and try to strike up a conversation, and have a lot of people give me the cold shoulder. Sounds pretty scary actually.

I'm thinking about it because I think people don't know that I'm a nobody, so when I avoid eye contact they may think there's something wrong with them.