WannabeFree wrote on 06 Jun 2018 04:51:

Check out tfeister's thread called Sholom's something... He did a whole long mindfulness program. Very detailed.
I think it means being aware of the underlying emotions.

guardyoureyes.com/forum/2-What-Works-for-Me/327296-Sholoms-Mindfulness-Recovery-Path

Mindfulness in short means noticing and paying attention to what is going on in the present moment, without passing judgment on it.

Here is a great app (from the department of veterans affairs) to teach you step by step what is mindfulness and how to apply it to your life. If done properly it could be very beneficial in learning to accept and be ok with uncomfortable feelings. Hope this helps!

play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=gov.va.mobilehealth.ncptsd.mindfulnesscoach


 Love Yankel

Day 35

I haven't had time to post, but I have been emailing a partner and I have come to check out other posts here and there. I have b"h managed to keep focused. I may need to cut back on computer communication time, as I don't have time for anything else... However it is very good for me to be back here and it calms me down to know that I can write about all my struggles and people here understand what I'm talking about.

I've had a whole lot of difficulty with walking around, just doing the errands that I need to do on a daily basis. Every time I see a woman that is attractive, it instantly triggers me. I think I am improving in being able to control my lustful thoughts a little more than before. What I mostly try to do is distract myself, but that doesn't always work well, so I'm beginning to try being Mindful as well. (Thanks iampowerless, I actually noticed afterwards that tiefster had posted a link in my Intro post about it.)

One more thing that I've been working on is keeping my eyes down as much as possible. This is a great prevention of being triggered. (I know it's a groisse chiddush, but that's what I'm trying now.) 

I hope everyone had a good Shabbos
WBF

Day 37

Started out strong this morning. Had a few slips later on. I have come a long way though. When I started the 90 days, I viewed the slips as almost an optional part; so long as I don't fall I don't need to start again type of thing. I still get that mind set occasionally if I'm not focused, but it's much less than before. Also when I'm focused I find that I don't get triggered so easily, even by the particular women that I see regularly.

From today I am b"n going to try stop watching tv shows in the morning hours when I'm alone at home. This is a big deal for me. Admittedly the catalyst for this is my wife breathing down my neck that it's about time I got a job. Hopefully this will help. Problem is I think I'm addicted to the internet/procrastinating/wasting time - even with kosher methods, but I guess it's better to spend my time on this forum, my email and the news (Arutz 7) than most other sites.

What kind of work are you looking for?

Is this your first time looking for a job?

For me, the slips chip away at me. As I slip more and more I lose more and more control, I think.

Computer programming. I worked in programming previously for eight years then got layed off and have not gotten another proper job for over five years. I struggle to sit in front of the computer and study for exams that i need to complete to update my skills when I get easily distracted as I mentioned. If I would have a job to do I would be able to get in to it and work, though in my previous job I wasted a lot of time on the internet, which may ultimately be the reason I was layed off, though not the direct reason.

Regarding slips you are 100% right; the more I slip, the more likely it is that I will fall. However I was just pointing out that is how I started off, not wanting to give it all up, which I still struggle with but am working and hopefully improving on.

Maybe you need a career change then. Did you get into that career because you like to write code or for some other reason?

By the way there are lots of open source projects out there that will keep you busy if you volunteer. When people report issues try to figure out the answer for them for free. If you get good at it you might then be able to get hired to support that project.

Or, solar power and energy storage industry is booming. You could install solar panels, or get to know them and be a sales associate.

I do enjoy coding once I get in to it, though I originally went for it as the most viable among my options, even if it was only third or forth on the list. My problem now is that I've had over five years break with nothing to show for it on my CV aside from a couple of courses, which should have been completed with in less that a year and I should have gone to work straight after that. At this point I've forgotten much of what I learnt in the courses and I still haven't even completed all the exams. I need a generous soul to hire me on the basis that I will be able to get into things quite quickly, which isn't really viable since people want to hire someone that already knows their stuff. 

I tried searching for the volunteering for open source that you suggested and couldn't really find anything - do you have a site name?

I don't think I can contemplate a career change now, I don't have the patience to start from scratch. Also I like the "invisible" type of jobs like programming. I'm not exactly a people person. I don't even like making business related phone calls because I always worry that I won't be able to get the outcome I want - I have quite a low self esteem. The less I need to deal with people face to face, the happier I am.

Day 39

I feel like I have been boring people and need to find something more interesting to write on my daily update. However I have to disappoint for the most part, as my day is quite boring on the whole and each day is very repetitive of the last.

The struggles are the same struggles, though at least I haven't watched porn or masturbated for almost 40 days (which doesn't mean I don't want to). I mostly struggle with the lust triggered by what I see in the street when I go out. I live in a religious neighborhood, but there are plenty of women who are not dressed tzniusly and to be fair even the ones who are can still trigger me if I'm not in control. B"H I have mostly managed to stay focused and not get caught up even after slipping and I am trying to stop my reflex of having my head on a swivel. Regular contact with and constant support from people going through similar issues here is a big help.

This shows the top 10 most active projects on github:

https://github.com/trending/java

I don't think you should try to get hired by anyone that adventurous. You could start doing some open source work for free and let your brain get into it. I don't think you need to take formal classes.

WannabeFree wrote on 14 Jun 2018 09:41:

You're not boring! Keep it coming daily!

lionking wrote on 14 Jun 2018 12:30:

The reason why you post, and i post is not to entertain anyone. It's to help us stay clean (if as a side once in a while people find you entertaining that's great.)  But brother please concentrate on yourself you staying clean  that to me is the best entertainment

iampowerless wrote on 14 Jun 2018 16:23:

One - you are not boring, you are inspiring

Two - you are keeping yourself focused and clean by posting

Three - you are giving me chizuk so don't you dare stop!

Day 41

Firstly thank you for all your responses. I know that I am posting for myself more than anyone else, however it helps me (my ego?) to know that other people are sharing my story.  It is very exciting to have passed the 40 day mark without falling!

Day 42

Still struggling when meeting a certain woman that I work with occasionally, but at least once she's out of site I usually manage to distract myself reasonably quickly.