Hashem Help Me Thank you...
BB0212 Thank You.....

Day #22

Today is the 22nd time Today, בכל יום ויום יהיה מחודשים בעינך, every day is a fresh day, starting from scratch, that today will be THE today, i will finish the day clean and sober...  some are easy and some are tough, but i did it now for sooo long, and in a way, its fun....... every day a new mission.... a new project.... new nisyoines and new bravery.

after all, hashem is doing with me so many good things on a minute basis, am i deserving it?? i dont know, but he is doing it for me anyway, i have a house, im healthy, i have a healthy and jewish careful helpful and lovely wife, i have healthy, jewish cute children, i have a job, i have a car, i have so many good things, i go out in the morning healthy and come home healthy, so why not give back a little bit from me, just a little, not to cheat on porn or on the street, not to act out etc....  i will do it for him, thank you hashem, הטוב כי לא כלו רחמיך והמרחם כי לא תמו חסדיך

Thank you all!!! its all because of you, your support, your posts, your messages and what not.. keep it up.

Let’s Stay Strong! Let’s Stay Clean! And let’s be positive and happy, Yes! We can and we will do it! And Together!

Day #23

Today is #23, so far so good, last few days it was easier then ever before, but i wont fool myself, its just the beginning of the trap, (and i have to get my self some triggers so i can  be on top of the it so i wont fall into the trap..... lol.... does it make sense???) and ill try not to fall for it. i had it before, it became easy, and then i fell big time, but this time, no no no, im not going to let that happen.. how? i dont know yet, i dont know what kind of trap ill get in front of me, and even if i will know, its not in my hands at all........ i must get help from higher power... only hashem can help me, and he will help me..

Thank you all!!! its all because of you, your support, your posts, your messages and what not.. keep it up.

Let’s Stay Strong! Let’s Stay Clean! And let’s be positive and happy, Yes! We can and we will do it! And Together!

Day #26

Today is #26, im so so excited, im 26 times today clean, im trying very hard to stay clean, and i hope i will, it comes soon rosh hashanah, i dont remember going in to rosh hashana in my life with such good feeling like this year, even i fell a few times, but who cares, i know atleast that i treid to stay clean, im working on myself, im trying to change myself, which never ever happaned in the past, rosh hashana was almost the same like any other day in mid of the year, but this year it has a totally different meaning to me, im so excited, and i really appreciate that, thanks to GYE......

bby the way ill copy what i sew this shabbes in Ohr Hachaim Hakudoish, which is very powerful, and as we all know that its impossible for us, by our self to over come our struggle, it can only be done with higher power, a lot of tefilah.. check this out:
Thank you all!!! its all because of you, your support, your posts, your messages and what not.. keep it up.

Let’s Stay Strong! Let’s Stay Clean! And let’s be positive and happy, Yes! We can and we will do it! And Together!

Thank you so much! for your daily posts, it's nice to be around healthy people, you poshut give me chizuk to count the bracha of being clean even only for one day, for one day really has 24 hours in it which I (the powerless i) can do so much and stay clean. 

Michael94 wrote on 13 Sep 2017 04:39:

thanks for you input, its appreciated, and im happy that people are getting some support from my posts.
Thank You!

Day #29.

Today is #29, 1st day into my 5th week, what an accomplishment, and i won’t take any credit for myself, as i remember my past very well, and i know i wouldn’t be able to do it all by myself, its only because of the support I’m getting from all of you, all the posts and chats, what a zchus..... 

i did went through some struggling moments last night, not that bad, but still not what i like, thanks Hashem that i fell asleep before anything bad could happen but it was a struggle, and i didn't solve it by myself, i won’t take the credit for myself, because happen to be that i fell asleep before anything bad happen, but i did had the desire to act out, i was thinking back and forth should i let it go further or not, should i or not, it was horrible, I knew that I will feel bad, and I knew I had to just think from something else, but that thoughts was part of the struggle, I hate it…….but by the end i got up in the morning clean, and yes, that's the outcome from 2 EASY weeks, i knew that this will come, and now i need to get some real chizuk not to fall into the trap, hopefully i won’t fall, a week before Rosh Hashanah..... so basically, how it works is, first comes some easy weeks, then comes the tough ones, sometime i fall and sometimes i don’t, and the cycle starts again, clean, easy, struggle, fall or not, and again clean, easy, struggle, fall or not, i really want to go clean clean clean, with no struggle at all, but i know that won’t happen, so i got to go on with life, that’s all about it... waaaaaaaa. 

i sew an interesting Gamara today, איוב who got cursed by Hashem, so he asked Hashem, that maybe Hashem got mixed up with his name from אויב/Enemy to איוב, and he really meant to curse אויב, his enemy, so Hashem replied to him, that every hear on a human body has their own hole from where they grow and gets their energy to live, and if it would come out 2 hear strands from the same hole, then the person would get very weak, also every thunder rumble comes out from a different route because if it would come at the same time from the same place, the entire world would get destroyed from the noise of the thunders, also, every rain droplet comes from a different space and route from the clouds, because if it would come from the very same space, all the fields would get flooded and the fruits and vegetables would get rotten, and 2 more examples how some animals are being born in their own way and Hashem is not exchanging the way it has to be, so Hashem asked איוב I’m the one who does all this things, and nothing are being exchanged for something else, and you want to tell me that i exchanged names? 
what i take out from all of this, that even it’s a very Push*ta thing, that hashem runs everything his way, but i/we don’t realize it till we see it written out, basically, yes I’m wondering sometimes, why me? why do i have to go through this struggle? so many people and woman don’t have this struggle at all, why do i have to battle with this? why can’t i be like other normal people who are always clean? but the answer is, its not a mistake!!!!! it’s the way it has to be since בריאת שמים וארץ and i was personally discussed by Hashem that this will be my mission on this earth, and I’ll try to follow his will all the way, with hashems help...

Thank you all!!! its all because of you, your support, your posts, your messages and what not.. keep it up.

Let’s Stay Strong! Let’s Stay Clean! And let’s be positive and happy, Yes! We can and we will do it! And Together!

Shivisi_Hashem wrote on 13 Sep 2017 17:33:

Don't feel bad.

250,000 frum male adults struggle with this.

So assumes the Guard.

cordnoy wrote on 13 Sep 2017 18:31:

so if we are talking from 250,000 observant jews, struggling with this sickness, then who says we are in the wrong direction? could it be that sooooo many jews are that bad???? maybe we are the ones who do the right thing and the other once are not?????? we dont see that big number within jews in the areas of רציחה גניבה etc... so maybe we are good to go? 
not to say that im doing the right thing by acting out, just to say that i dont think the number of struggler is that high...... 250000 is a huge number... or maybe im still in the box, and i just dont know whats going on out there.

אלו־הים שׁל אלו שׂונא זימה הוא
Don't get carried away, you're on the right track bez'h, just keep going further.

cordnoy wrote on 13 Sep 2017 18:31:

What does cordnoy think

Shivisi_Hashem wrote on 13 Sep 2017 19:11:

I have two answers; the first one - some might not understand.

1. I couldn't give one damn who is right and who is wrong. I needed/need to stop because I wanted to live.

2. The same Guard also assumes that there are 2.5M frum male Jewish adults in the world, so you mister are in the 10%. [Do you know that about 40% of the usa think that obama wasn't born in America, russia voted in the '16 election, cia used drones to bring down the wtc (perhaps a drop less than 40, but more than 10) and that Golda Meir was a man.]

cordnoy wrote on 13 Sep 2017 22:01:

1) i agree 100%
2) Cord, one word, you are "hilarious"
Thank you....

Day #30.

​Today is #30, and wasnt better then yesterday, i had a night struggle, but i behaved like a GYE’r, I didn’t act out, was just a mind struggle, should I or shouldn’t I, and in the end I won, no clue how I didn’t give in, I had a strong desire to go ahead, but the other side to the story was, that I didn’t want to do it just a week from Rosh Hashana, during the day, im perfectly fine, but in bed, there is my struggle, I have too much time to think, and im to relaxed….

Sew a great רש''י this week in the Parsha, רש''י says:  אתם נצבים היום: כיום הזה שהוא קיים והוא מאפיל ומאיר, כך האיר לכם וכך עתיד להאיר לכם, והקללות והיסורין מקיימין אתכם ומציבין אתכם לפניו. ואף הפרשה שלמעלה מזו פיוסין הם so I was thinking, that this רש''י was written for us in recovery, special for us, our path is just for היום Today only, the Today, the היום and the falls, the והקללות והיסורין is our builder, is מקיימין אתכם ומציבין אתכם לפניו and this struggle is just for our Brachah, it gets us only stronger,

lets be happy that we are children of hashem, he loves us, and because of that we are in for recovery, we want to live a normal life, have great relationship with OUR wife's, and children, our head should be in our house and not at the garbage or the streets, lets continue our recovery path with joy and happiness.

Thank you all!!! its all because of you, your support, your posts, your messages and what not.. keep it up.

Let’s Stay Strong! Let’s Stay Clean! And let’s be positive and happy, Yes! We can and we will do it! And Together!

So what is the plan for tonight? Being prepared what to do if the nisayon arises makes a big difference.