Markz wrote on 11 May 2017 17:38:

I don't think people are so special for sharing their real name. For the record, I've actually done so already. 

ברוך משנה.........
your new name should bring you a new Mazel, and only good stuff your entire life, Mazel Tov........

Your new name is great and is very fitting for you. By the way you also GIVE strength to the rest of us. Continued hatzlocha.

Gevura Shebyesod wrote on 11 May 2017 17:26:

HP was in the news this week for bundling a keylogger with their audio driver. Lesson learned: The Higher Power logs every stroke you make.

Glad to see you figured it out

Random note: An individual's calls were helpful to me in many ways. However, ultimately it was disempowering to hear that without the 12 steps I would be doomed to a life of lust. Not that it's anyone's fault of course. People just believe in what worked for them. 

Pity we're all so different. 

Ihavestrength wrote on 16 May 2017 03:01:

Part of the beauty of GYE is that there are so many different tools available. Each person should use what resonates for him. There are no copyrights on success. Different people formulate different plans and find different mentors who they feel understand them. If the person you spoke to is not a shidduch, keep looking. Someone out there can guide you in a way you will succeed in. Hatzlocha.

Ihavestrength wrote on 16 May 2017 03:01:

II am no expert, but I will say this brief thought: there are those of us here (myself included) that will/would not change thru chopsticks, exercise, music or countin' triggers, victories, days or whatever and more. Behavior change would happen only with life changin' tendencies and attitudes. The 12 steps can accomplish that. Certain mussar seforim can/could be effective. Therapy also works. They all lead to similar conclusion/result.

B'hatzlachah

Ihavestrength wrote on 16 May 2017 03:01:

You got to know yourself and be honest - with yourself -  about what you feel works for you, there's no one size fits all and there's no copy-write.... 

Ihavestrength, Hatzlacha Rabba!! You are an inspiration for me and I'm rootin for yah all the way.



I'm with coords by the way. Fixing this is about change. Major-one-step-at-a-time change. It's about shifting the paradigm into one of living in recovery and having a simchas hachaim by being present at each moment, appreciating all the good the Hashem gives us, and Doing the NEXT right thing. It's not about avoiding acting out.* That would be like walking carefully on a patch of ice on the side walk. No matter how cautious a person is there is a big chance of falling. But if you melt the ice or take a different path then its so much safer. (not saying a person won't fall down in clear conditions, just that it is a lot safer). Fighting the fight is important but the goal is real change and that takes time, but the goal is to hopefully fill ourselves out so that we don't feel the need to fill our void with this. (this might not apply to you, but I think that's what cordnoy is saying and I agree wholeheartedly with it. IT took me a while to understand this idea, but it gives me a lot of hope) I hope you find it helpful as well.

Best,

KOT!!!!



*though that is a natural prerequisite and the first step towards recovery; to not act out

Oops fell again. Sorta sucks. Scratch that, it definitely sucks. So I went ahead and totally restricted my phone. I can't trust myself. Being alone for so many hours without a real purpose/even slightly having my life figured out is too much for me to handle. I have covenant eyes but I still managed to find what I wanted. I'm very resourceful when I want to be, I guess. But it's ok, for truthfully building up your sense of self from being clean will never work. I don't need to wait any amount of days to start feeling good. Not acting out means to not engage is negative and destructive behavior. It is not a positive goal in itself. I'm going to find a way to make my life so positive that I won't need to act out. I'm going to get my sense of self from positivity, not a lack of negativity. 

From the way you write, maybe this was a real nefila l'tzorech Aliya. May Hashem give you the ability to fulfill your wish of developing a truly healthy sense of self and true recovery.

Ihavestrength wrote on 18 May 2017 01:28:

I hear ya. Maybe a strong leaning to the positive. A true meaningful healthy positive outlook that you strive to engage in daily.
But practically speaking both are valuable. There is a reason we say Tsur may'ra va'asay Tov.

Ihavestrength wrote on 18 May 2017 01:28:

You fell? Where? On the ice patch?

Kudos on the name change. May it instil something within.

Sorry to hear that you fell. Feel free to hop back in the truck. Your seats still warm.