Hashem Help Me wrote on 08 May 2017 23:40:

I'm finally realizing the truth of this, at least for me. I used to think that telling myself, "you did great, it's ok, you'll do even better next time", was a method in minimizing self hatred. A convenient lie to maintain one's sanity. 

(This belief was reinforced by listening to a certain individual's calls. He seems to be of the opinion that any lapse in sobriety means you will never succeed on your own, without divulging your secret to another. Also, any fall is indicative of a backwards step only.

Obviously, he didn't say these exact words, and he did clarify that this may not hold true for all situations. I am not blaming, but merely relating the unhelpful notions I absorbed from listening to these calls. I would also be remiss if I didn't mention the tremendous amount that I've gained from his calls as well. I am very thankful for that.) 

I now don't believe that's true. I never made it to 85 days before! That is a massive accomplishment for me! Prior to this stretch, I was only doing about a month at a time. 

I was "eating healthy" for almost 3 months and then I ate cake. Does it erase everything? Going forward, am I in the same place as I was when I started? 

I don't think so. It's just illogical. To assume that change and growth must be super-fast is the pinnacle of naivete. 

Oh, but just ask a 12 stepper, they'll tell you, "if nothing changes, nothing changes", no wonder you fell. Must be, (insert swinging gemara-like thumb movement here) you were just "holding your breath" and didn't really do anything. 

I call BS. No, I didn't change and become G-d himself overnight.

Gradual change doesn't always need to equal no change. 

Peace

Even​people in the 12 steps program are falling!!

Listen, the point here is not that sombody should be telling you is you fell that you are doing Hing wrong and that you did not gain anything, that's bull!

The point is that you are being honest with yourself and others and doing whatever it takes on your part to lick this problem, yes maybe someday you wil look back and say to yourself"you know that guy on the call he was right"  but right now you are obviously not there not because you are not doing anything only becouse it's a process of recovery!!

do I make sense? 

It sounds like you are frustrated, everybody means well, we are all in this together to get better, the point is are we doing everything we can??

tiger wrote on 09 May 2017 01:57:

Not frustrated, empowered actually. 

yiraishamaim wrote on 09 May 2017 00:55:

They say "the longest record of sobriety is 24 hours"

YidFromMonsey wrote on 09 May 2017 14:17:

wow! well said!!

I've also heard "The one with the longest sobriety is the one who woke up earliest today."

Day 1: I am back on the road thank G-d. Truck crashed. But I've had the proper repairs done and it's as good as new. Actually, better, for I've upgraded some parts. It's never been driving better. 

I recall something @Mayanhamisgaber wrote way in the beginning of my thread. He said, you can beat yourself up after a fall, but you shouldn't beat yourself down. Use the fall as a springboard for growth, not as a slide into despair. 

I see alot of good in the "one day at a time" approach/emphasis, but I think "al harov" (for the most part) Hashem gives people more than one day to live. Of course there is huge value in living well today and being sober today. Thing is, I think it's good for me to believe that one day, it'll be more than just one day. 

Ihavenostrength wrote on 09 May 2017 21:26:

remember, hashem says היום אם בקולו תשמעו,

Ihavenostrength wrote on 09 May 2017 21:26:

I used to think One Day At a Time means i have to get through today and ill be OK.. Just live the pain , dont feed the addiction, white knuckle your way till tomorrow and you will have made another day sober.
I dont think thats what it really means.
I think it means that today is where the serenity is, today is where the clarity of living life is, today is where the beauty of the moment is, today is where we can do the right thing, say the right thing, think the right thing. We have today to live.

Ihavenostrength wrote on 09 May 2017 21:26:

You ever see guys learning mesillas yesharim till the end of the sefer? I mean who do they think they are? Are they really holding by that lofty level? 
The truth is that it is very beneficial to view the model of greatness one can become. It's a great motivator. Yet, in real terms of improvement they need to go back to the beginning and take it "one step at a time"
Ihavenostrength. lets shoot for the gold -hundreds, NO thousands of consistent days of sobriety. One day we will have an enormous bank full of glorious sweet pure days of sobriety. That's a time to truly look forward to.
But right here and now, let's take it one day at a time and savor it's daily taste.

"One Day At A Time" to me means living in the NOW, living in the present, doing the next right thing - the thing that's right for NOW. ODAAT to me means don't think about the long term or about the past, because that won't help the NOW in any which way. My goal should be to be sober NOW and not to slip NOW, my goal should not be that at my funeral someone should mention in a eulogy that I had 55 years of sobriety. My triggers and my temptations are in the present - in the NOW, same needs to be with my not giving in and my not slipping, I won't give in NOW and I won't slip NOW. Tomorrow and/or 20 years down the road are not the NOW, so at the present moment - NOW - I cannot deal with that.

Hope this makes some sense

sure does. 
and all the power to you.

To me that's by far my focus. Having a secondary goal of long term for me is helpful. It doesn't shter. The ra-aya to that is the fact I am so very patient to get there.
At the same time -
It's hard for me to believe that those that have hundreds of days of sobriety don't ever think about their record or that it is not in some way a constant motivation - not to break the great chain of success.
I don't believe anyone who says otherwise - just like I don't believe the athlete who says my personal records are never important to me whatsoever it's only the success of the team.
There is a main focus. There is a secondary one - and of course the secondary goal should bow to the main if there is ever a conflict.

Just sent a text to my group: I really wanna use.

And yes, amongst the thoughts of why I won't is because it would feel like BAD WORD REMOVED (which I'm anyway feelin' today) startin' again.

So there!

yiraishamaim wrote on 10 May 2017 16:03:

A friend of mine who slipped after 10 months told me that he realized that he can no longer afford to carry the burden of sobriety length on his shoulders because it interfered with his ODAAT. He claimed that keeping track of sobriety made him think ahead when he'll have 25 years under his belt, that lead to "OMG I'm never gonna make it so far" which led to a slip.

​Everyone's journey is different, but at least for me ODAAT is a very important point in recovery.