What fun! I'm going to answer the Dalet Kushyos also:

1) I use it as an impetus to keep working my program. Don't want to lose more time.

2) I don't. It's not my focus right now. Maybe later in life.

3) If I always felt guilty I would always act out, so I'm definitely not trying to keep that feeling with me. And I don't fight, I haven't fought in years. I surrender.

4) Nope. I fall after 9 months of sobriety for the same reason that I fall after 2 hours of sobriety. I'm an addict. But that's just me.

One thing I probably should have said, it is often the guilt itself that leads us to acting out again!  If we act out in order to avoid uncomfortable feelings, then guilt is probably one of the biggest uncomfortable feelings we avoid by .... of course acting out again.  Can you see a cycle here?

gibbor120 wrote on 06 Jan 2017 19:26:

Hi all,
Sorry haven't posted in a few days, I had a number of falls and felt too down to re-start my journey. Finally decided to restart it today. The problem always is that after a number of days lust free, the lust begins to feel like an itch needing to be scratched, and it gets worse and worse until, finally I give in. I realized that a fundamental problem for me is that "simply avoiding lust" is not a successful gameplan. I need to learn how to live without it i.e. to learn how to really live, to be able to fill the time with enjoyable activities that will take the place of porn, but  even more importantly to find activities that relieve stress, so I won't feel that I need to resort to porn to relieve stress. The disease has progressed so much that I can't even handle the slightest amount of stress, types of stress which are a part of everyday life (not major stress, just minor stress like completing the basic tasks that daily life requires). I run into these catch 22's where I don't want to use porn, but I can't go about my daily tasks (based on the stress) unless I use porn to de-stress myself. I need to learn other coping mechanisms for stress, one's that are actually effective. The problem is I don't know how to do that. I really need help, and would appreciate any advice on the matter. Thanks!

Souldoctor wrote on 16 Jan 2017 13:59:

Good realisation.

Your abstinence is basically holding your breath. Gotta breathe sometime.

Does acting out relieve stress? And 2 hours later you say you're not stressed?
Does the stress come from the fact that you're jittery because you want to act out, and there's all this junk (ie real life) in the way of that, or is it really that you have so much stress and use acting out to reduce it? And I don't understand that, all the while I did it myself.

For some, findin' other activities works.

FortI others, like me, that is useless. That is a plug gap which will burst eventually. I/we/you (maybe) need to learn how to live/cope with the stress or whatever it is. We need to learn how to live life. That does not mean findin' other activities, like bikin', runnin', postin' on GYE, listenin' to shiurim, eatin', etc.

Hi Singularity,
"Your abstinence is basically holding your breathe". Perfect mashal- I couldn't of said it better myself, you really hit the nail on the head.

For me, the process of acting out, the act of agreeing that I will give up and then slowly giving in, temporarily relieves stress (until its over and then I'm even more depressed and stressed out than before). It's extremely temporary, numbing during the process, but once the process is over, I feel far far worse. I think your question is spot on, I was incorrect,  it is really not about the stress of real life, it's the stress that I want to act out, and all the real life things are getting in the way, because I need to get them done, but if I act out I won't be able to get them done, because I'll feel to bad about myself, and therefore I get stressed. You seem to really have a profound insight into the matter. What steps do you suggest I take to combat this?

I hear you, I think I am also of the latter type, when I do other activities it makes me feel a bit better, but the "itch" is still there, the desire to act out, to go into a fantasy world and absolve myself of having to deal with the consequences of my addiction, and the boringness of real life, and live in the moment for a second. How does one learn to live real life? The question to my ears sounds incredibly stupid, but I simply don't know how. Any suggestions?

Souldoctor wrote on 16 Jan 2017 15:12:

I just have good insight because I'm the same :-)

What do I suggest?
This works for me. Don't know about you:

-SAA Meetings.
-TaPHSiC method.

Browse the site; find tools. Build up a big toolbox.

Souldoctor wrote on 16 Jan 2017 15:15:

II learned how by goin' to meetings, findin' a sponsor, workin' the steps and continuin' to work them. I'm still learnin'. I blew it this mornin'.

cordnoy wrote on 16 Jan 2017 15:38:

?????????????

Singularity wrote on 17 Jan 2017 09:05:

My homework today is several pages in white book and several in חובות הלבבות. Specifically having to do with anger, control and ego....three things I possess in abundance.

cordnoy wrote on 17 Jan 2017 14:43:

May you learn and grow with hatzlocha.

Singularity wrote on 17 Jan 2017 09:05:

II used my anger, vengeance and ego all in one bout.

cordnoy wrote on 18 Jan 2017 00:30:

Ouch. Trying to think of such a situation.

"Grr... he beat me by the skin of his teeth! I should have won! I'll get 'im!!"

I'm obviously not much better this week, for I think I would do it again.