Day 180.Around a month ago I logged onto my online banking app, and as there often is, there was a photo on the login page. It was innocent enough, just a guy at a computer, and a girl looking over his shoulder. Since I've been practicing guarding my eyes, I should have just moved into the next page, but instead I lingered a bit too long... her top was revealing...good looking couple...must be great in bed together etc etc. I came to my senses and used the lessons I've learned here to snap out of it, but the picture took up residence in my mind for a day or two, causing plenty of issues in my sick head. Anyway, today when I logged on this particular picture was back, but this time I  away moved right along to the next page.It's funny to write this story. This is my great success? My growth? How silly. Option 1) I've seen SO much worse than this, am I trying to pretend to be a tzadik who never sees anything remotely not tznius?Option 2) I'm such a sicko that an innocent photo can send me right back to hell If I'm not careful.I'm not really sure what the point of this post is, but mazel tov! 6 months! The first time in my entire lifetime. Thank you to all gye'ers who have made this journey before me. You have lifted me on your shoulders.LH

LifneiHashem wrote on 03 Mar 2017 04:22:

MAZELTOV LH! Very inspiring! Keep moving forward!!

I think option 2 is more accurate. It's the first sip. Like Rav Twerski's famous story. I'll share:

A recovering alcoholic was at a party and was offered a drink by his friend. He refused politely, saying he was an alcoholic, but he accepted a glass of punch. At the first sip, he realised it was spiked. He went into an absolute panic and phoned the rov. He asked, "What do I do? I'm afraid I'm going to drink! How do I fix this?!?"

After a tiny sip of a low-alcohol-content diluted punch?

This, says the rov, is the true meaning of aveira goreres aveira. And addicts have the zechus to live those words. The mussar touches them more than anything.

So don't think you're insane. Well, you may be. But at least you're being sane about it ;-)

LifneiHashem wrote on 03 Mar 2017 04:22:


Choice three- Not a tzadik, not a sicko- a guy who's done amazing work for recovery and doesn't want to mess it up so may focus too much on small things like this.

Just move on and take lots of pride in where you are

Wow, Thank you workingguy!  

Very subtle, very deep. Really sheds a lot of glorious positive energy on this whole shebang!! 

Mazal tov lifneiHashem!!!! you should continue to have tremendous hazlacha especially at times when you feel you don't.

Thank you! 
Yesterday too much eye candy. Life goes on. 

Eye candy? Wow, these candy makers have gotten inventive. Were you practicing for Purim?

Shlomo24 wrote on 06 Mar 2017 00:34:

Sure hope not

Thought during leining today (I know it's not the pshat): when Moshe was coming down with the luchos  after Hashem told him about the Eigel, yehoshua said he heard sounds of battle from the camp. Moshe said no, it's sound of "Anos"- pain. He didn't say it's sound of rebellion or debauchery or prikas ol. the sound they were making during all their sinning was that of pain. 

On business trip now. Told myself I would prepare in advance in
order avoid any challenges but didn't get around to it. Any suggestions would be great. 

LifneiHashem wrote on 30 Mar 2017 17:18:

There is a thread designated for this.
i forgot the name.

You probably mean this one. 

All is well BH 
hope I passed the test/ learned from the experience/ did what was expected of me/ seized the chance 
or whatever

Niiiiiiccccceeee!!!!! You just went on business like a normal person, that's awesome! I get this feeling (of being normal) every time I do an activity which used be/is still triggering yet I don't act out my lust. Like taking a shower (used to be massively triggering B"H not so much anymore). 

BTW all the above is not to say we are normal. I know some people on this forum take offense at the idea of being normal... I'm not saying you're normal. I'm not saying I'm normal. But we can have "normal moments," small steps towards sanity (which for me anyways, is what normal means). 

KOT! 

I get what your saying about doing normal things and I've had that feeling too. This wasn't really one of those times. But overall all is well. 

Was cutting onions and eyes started to burn, a lot. Usual reaction is to jump around, go outside, wash my eyes. Today for some reason instead I decided to just stand there and feel the burn, feel the pain. 
Not sure of the relevance, but I'm sure there's some connection, or not.