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Scientific studies show that it takes 90 days to break an addictive pattern in the mind. Start your own Log of your journey to 90 days! Post here to update us on your status and to give each other chizuk to stay strong!

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TOPIC: First day 3425 Views

First day 19 Aug 2016 20:50 #294153

Connor
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I have been an addict for twenty years, and I have always known in my heart that this was the worst vice for me. Self love and schmutz separate me from my family and God, and compel me to live a double life.

I have filters being installed on my phone on Monday, but my computer is running linux right now, and I haven't figured out the right way to filter it.

I am grateful to this community and the wisdom that it keeps.

Re: First day 21 Aug 2016 04:50 #294179

inastruggle
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the picture is shimshon hagibor. not st. mary....
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Welcome to gye,

There are a ton of tools here that you may find helpful. The strongest one is very likely the support you'll surely find here.

It's great that you took the steps of admitting that there's a problem and posting here. Installing a filter is a good move as well. Bear in mind that filters almost never solve the problem. Since the problem is usually us, not the situation we're in they tend not to help too much. The flip side is that once you're clean because you foxed yourself then you won't be relying on filters and worrying that the second you get access to unfiltered internet you'll fall.

Keep on posting, ask any questions you have, and Stay strong!

Re: First day 21 Aug 2016 15:35 #294184

serenity
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"ONE DAY AT A TIME"
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Honesty is the first step to recovery for many people. Sounds like you are off to a good start. Thanks for being here.

Much Hatzlacha!

My Threads:
Glad to be here
Don't slip it hurts
Lions & Tigers & Internet, Oh My!

--"ולא המדרש עיקר, אלא המעשה"
--"To promise not to do a thing is the surest way in the world to make a body want to go and do that very thing." Mark Twain
--"If, when you honestly want to, you find you cannot quit entirely, or if when drinking (or lusting), you have little control over the amount you take, you are probably alcoholic (or sexaholic)." AA Big Book P. 45. Parenthesis added.
--You hit rock bottom when you decide to stop digging.

Re: First day 22 Aug 2016 02:22 #294198

360gye Current streak: 760 days OFFLINE Gold Boarder Posts: 237 Karma: 13	Welcome Connor, You are off to a good start by posting your story on the forum and installing filters. Look around the website as there are numerous tools and i'm sure there are some that will stand-out to you. Please keep posting and good luck on your journey, 360gye(360gye#gmail.com)

Re: First day 25 Aug 2016 23:44 #294385

Josephsbrother
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today is your first day, I made the first day choice now for over 254 days, one day at a time, let your Maker reveal to you who you have chosen to be, and choose, make each day about doing better than the day before. Let all desire be in our desire fulfiller, and may the fulfillment be only for your good, and your abundance. Do not quit, Success by help from others like you who are on the journey, I love to glean a little where ever I am, just a little to refresh my will, my MO, and then my Motive, and strength is for my success in life, to live the abundant life, no if, my MO is solid, no other chance choices shall be my major choice and action, I determine my mental life, I alter the altar of sacrifice, you may too, go for it, and others will help in their way too, as Jacob of Israel, overcame, we can overcome. Go for it, and have a destiny as a Overcomer, as a champion, as a man, have positive Dna, and... succeed.

Warning: Spoiler!

Re: First day 26 Aug 2016 01:20 #294392

shlomo24 Current streak: 1 day OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 2213 Karma: 135	Beautiful, Joseph. Absolutely beautiful.
	If you're an LGBTQ or LGBTQ-questioning person and looking for someone who can understand you, feel free to reach out. I promise no judgement and to try and listen the best I can. Email: iam24zman@gmail.com

Re: First day 26 Aug 2016 23:53 #294429

Connor
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I got the filter put onto my phone on Tuesday, I used the Venishmartem service and it helps enormously. I can just be browsing around on the internet, behaving myself, and not even realized that I've turned into a seedy side of town. VCF sets the fence far back from obvious pornography, and it helps prevent me from just casually looking at images. It's a helpful reminder between attacks, and so far I have been clean! 3 days!

Yesterday I was listening to a discussion of talmud on podcast. The speaker told a story of a guy who was reciting Hebrew and he had lost his notes, and didn't have everything quite memorized. The speaker said that if you don't have the key to His house, but you're desperate and wailing, Hashem will let you in. I started crying because I knew I needed His love and that I couldn't defeat this thing without Him.

Last Edit: 26 Aug 2016 23:55 by Connor.

Re: First day 29 Aug 2016 16:07 #294479

Connor
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I'm still on track, just checking in. I have other vices, of course, but this is the one that I know I must stop first. I am beginning to realize that when we yearn for physical gratification, it is really about being afraid of a true yearning, a real emotion that is waiting just around the bend. The call in show and the vennishmarten filter are definately the keys to my success so far. I can not imagine going back, but if I slip or lapse into lust at least I know He wills I should draw closer and cleave to Him for help.

Re: First day 29 Aug 2016 16:52 #294483

shlomo24 Current streak: 1 day OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 2213 Karma: 135	Can you explain what you mean about being afraid of an emotion? I know that I had a lot of romantic fantasy up until I was actually in a relationship and then the fantasies slowed down considerably. Is that what you mean?
	If you're an LGBTQ or LGBTQ-questioning person and looking for someone who can understand you, feel free to reach out. I promise no judgement and to try and listen the best I can. Email: iam24zman@gmail.com

Re: First day 29 Aug 2016 21:27 #294497

Josephsbrother
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Shlomo24 wrote on 26 Aug 2016 01:20:

Beautiful, Joseph. Absolutely beautiful.

My statement is my experience, it is living, and daily, for life of if in tomorrow is bent by today decisions, I bend to tomorrows roads by todays choice. Life of if is of family, that is the small unit of true center, of true worth, the beginning of loving self. The beginning of having an image of the Invisible One, who made two to be one in the One, a threefold cord not easily broken, that why it hurt to allow lust of a stranger to come between the one single unit of covenant relationship, where the commitment is so solid, that as if we were dependence on the universe, to give a love to one other who can share in making children, and move those of am of f(AM)ily toward the ultimate small image of eternal love, and as community to support the two of covenant so they can to their children be 4 generations solid as the 4 sea~sons of the year, to hear with ear, the days, the years of salvation in One.

Warning: Spoiler!

Re: First day 30 Aug 2016 04:37 #294516

shlomo24 Current streak: 1 day OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 2213 Karma: 135	You should sell your poetry, JB.
	If you're an LGBTQ or LGBTQ-questioning person and looking for someone who can understand you, feel free to reach out. I promise no judgement and to try and listen the best I can. Email: iam24zman@gmail.com

Re: First day 01 Sep 2016 15:30 #294626

Josephsbrother
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Shlomo24 wrote on 30 Aug 2016 04:37:

You should sell your poetry, JB.

You can buy it now, without money, without price, for it was earned in life, with blood, sweat, and tears. Yet if it is yours to gain, then hear with ear, and go to the Almighty and experience the Tree of Life, where only abundance grows for such a follower of the One. This does not mean that we will not feel, and taste the Tree of Evil and Good, the two realms are as close together today as when they were here at the beginning, and In the One, as we enter the One in whom the Bet of Torah is the House of our universe, and live out of the One~ uni~verse.

Warning: Spoiler!

Re: First day 07 Dec 2016 19:11 #299374

tealhill
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Connor wrote on 19 Aug 2016 20:50:

I have filters being installed on my phone on Monday, but my computer is running linux right now, and I haven't figured out the right way to filter it.

Welcome!

I know this is a late reply, but you did mention Linux so I want to respond.

Suggestions

I have three sets of suggestions for you. They are about support-group meetings, opening window blinds, and the specific Linux filtering/monitoring software that I suggest you use. For details, please see the material I have posted elsewhere on this forum.

A question

Why use Linux? Which distribution?

Conclusion

Thoughts?

All the best!
--Jason

Last Edit: 07 Dec 2016 19:54 by tealhill. Reason: moved most of the material in this post to the thread that the post links to

Re: First day 07 Dec 2016 19:15 #299377

cordnoy
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Good material.

II do like the part of opening your blinds and face the neighbors window.

My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads: Mikvah Night - Page 1, Page 2, Page 3, Last Page

https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/1-Break-Free/210029-Tryin

Warning: Spoiler!

My job: Punchin' bag of GYE - "NeshamaInCharge"
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