I am starting this journey because my wife deserves the best husband I can be.

LovingHusband613 wrote:


I have what to comment but I don't know your issues at all...if any, so I will save it till I learn more.

B'hatzlachah

Welcome!!! I hope you have alot of hatzlocho!!
What are your issues? the more you open up the more the chevra could help.
Just one comment.. this journey has to be done for ourselves not for anyone else even our wifes.. meaning i have tp come to the conclusion that looking at porn (for example, something that i do) is destroying my very sanity and life.
Just something to think about: ask yourself this: what happens if you wake up tommorow angry at your wife, will you act out then??? I know that when im upset at my wife i am the most vulnerable, thats why this has to be about perserving my sanity..
Anyway hope you habe much success!!!

Changing wrote:


Well written.
Good stuff!
Was gonna write something like that as well, but I haven't the slightest as to what his issues are.

Welcome WH613
I remember when I first came to gye (not that long ago compared to others) I gave some vague first post, because I thought "why should anyone be interested in my problems"? But I've come to realize that everyone here is motivated, not only in improving their own lives but also in helping others improve theirs. (sometimes things can even get a little heated as people get worked up because they care so much for the other guy). Tell us what the issues are, we are all going through similar issues, and we'd love to help.
SG

Welcome!

How could people have what to comment if you don't know my issues are? It seems to me that there is tendency here to treat people as profiles. Why assume what you do not know. My relationship with my wife is excellent. I have gone to bed with negative feelings toward her perhaps twice in our eight years together.

Now I am aware that many people will read codependency or some other such dysfunction into what I write. Nevertheless, I will write what I feel to be true.

The topic has two parts: 1-My wife is my life 2-she deserves this.

I think the second part goes without saying. It is first part that may have been overlooked or misinterpreted.

In the words of Hillel: Im ain li mi li, I ani latzmi, mah ani?

A life whose primary focus is on my own well being is not a life I choose to live. It feels empty, dull, unworthy, and most of all, wrong. (No I do not mean to say that I feel that I am empty, dull, unworthy, or wrong.)

It seems to me that marriage is about two people being there for each other and delighting in each others joys and triumphs and being supportive though difficult turns.

We love each other and both of us make an active effort to understand each other, learn from each other, and go beyond ourselves for each other.

To live is to thrive not just survive. We thrive when we are a we. Thus I feel that my wife is my life.

This is not, as some may have assumed, a favor for my wife. It is for us. She reflects back to me the better part of myself and together we raise each other up.

This problem has been something I've struggled with with various degrees of successes since I was 8 (or maybe younger).

I have improved tremendously and yet there are setbacks.

My biggest difficulty is when I have unstructured time and my wife is not around. No, not because I need her to fulfill my needs, but rather because I slip into old frames of mind. When I lose sight of my true self, her husband, my children's father, I fall into old forgotten patterns. Just focusing on her is enough to pull me out before I sink too deep. But I want to move this to the next level, from being reactionary to proactive.

Anyway, just a personal thought, it might be a helpful to ask a person what he means rather than jump to conclusions.

LovingHusband613 wrote:


It also might be helpful to thank the people who welcomed you and also said that they don't know your issues.

Regardin' your explanation, of which i hardly understand a thin' (probably my fault), we are now to understand your words, "my wife is my life" to mean that "my wife is my marriage and my marriage is my life"!? Whatever. If you ever decide to open up on the forum and tell us what your issues here, there will be many helpful people eager to assist you.

b'hatzlachah

How do you understand the pasuk, To love G-d, your G-d, because He is your life?

And you are right, thank y'all for welcoming me.