I just want to tell what happened to me when I was going to my 8th day clean and then i fell... One day before i fell i was supporting a hard struggle, then in the next day i could not support the struggle anymore and i acted out. So again came the feelings of guilt and other things that we already know, but suddenly i got surprised by a different feeling i was in peace and happy! I was confused at the beginning because i never had this feelings before in my 11 years of struggle i never was so calm after acted out and then i tought (after 8 days clean and reading a lot of the handbook and other articles of GYE) it is just it! All these two days that i was getting "crazy" following my thoughts and fantasizing that act out is a sensation beyond the normal and then when i do it, its just it? I mean, why i couldnt stop for longer and I felt that now i can really stop forever and not just it also i felt that i coult stop without struggling every time (i do know if this is possible) i felt that Something really changed inside me, this time that i acted out was not like the others and now i know 3 things:
1- the GYE can really help me and in the short time that i know the GYE i can recognize not just internally but externally his positive effects
2- I need to try harder and maintain myself focused in the tools and prayers.
3- Admit powerlessness and know that Hashem is helping us on this struggle.

I hope that this feelings will prolong for a really long time!

I believe that this 3 things will help me with my struggle, may Hashem bless and protect us in our journey.

Thanks for sharing. I can relate to your words and like your positive attitude. It's great that you feel "now i can really stop forever" and maybe you also mean that now you realize that you don't need to act out. Once we realize and continue to realize that sex is indeed optional and that we don't need to act out, we were able to remain free of the obsession and the struggle.

Welcome to GYE!!

I can totally relate to what you wrote!

In a discussion with a friend the other day, we were discussing how amazing it is how since our seeing for ourselves that there is a way, even when we are in a rut we do not lose ourselves like we used to.

I didn't realize at the time that that is also a responsibility, as you write, because now I don't have the excuse of "I'm doomed".

But I don't like responsibility, so let's not get too much into that

As for the feelings lasting a long time........

I think that almost everyone here will tell not to rely on it. Feelings don't just stay, we need to work hard to internalize them. Posting about it is a good start though!!

KOP!! KOMT!!!

Welcome Chazak!!!!

and CHAZAK indeed!!!!

Great post and keep up the positive attitude and keep on posting!!!!

Well I reached my first day clean again and I had a tought today regarding the "day by day" that makes me reflect deeper in the principle, it is a sentence that I heard a few months ago (in a cartoon that I was watching with my son): "The past is history, the future is mystery but the present is a gift, that's why it's called present".

So I could understand that the real choice that we have is in the present just for today and I just need to choose the right thing once at a time without thinking what tomorrow will be and what I did in the past and this last one (remember the past) will probably take me to choose the wrong side as thinking in the future that is something that maybe I can't reach. So if I think simple, like "just for now I need to do the right thing" the struggle will be easier than thinking in a long term. This way you just leaves the problem in the hands of Hashem and your struggle will be less compulsive. Of course we have to be strong for a few seconds (with His help, just say "Hashem help me in this struggle) and reject the wrong thing.

Thank you for giving me support I appreciate a lot!

Kol tuv!

I way behind everyone in my struggles and sill need help. But one thing I will say I don't see why people get so sad when they fall after 8 clean days. I mean hey I barley have one clean day. Do you know what 8 clean days are to hashem.
One more pointer, I won't minimize the severity of this avira nor can i Chas vshalom play g-d. But if I can find a zechus on my averios I will say this. Unlike many other sins such as Lashon hara this avera stems form such a great urge. its almost like a feeling that I must go the bathroom. The itch drives me so nuts that the only way out is to sin and relieve myself. Compare that to lashon hara. There is no itch. All you have to do is keep your mouth shut and move on to the next converstaion. Unlike the sin of M"Z, its not like you can't sleep at night till you let out that piece of loshon hara. Believe me I have plenty to work on in the area of kedushas hapeh as well. But kedushas anim and M"Z is far harder. And I am not giving myself a heter to sin either. I am just outlinning the struggle.

My main point is why do we feel so rotten about commitng a sin thats "almost" out of out control? Yet when we commit sins that are in our control we don't think twice about it.

waydown wrote:


Because I don't care about the sin; i care about my life, and this makes my life unmanageable!

why does this make your life unmangible? Its a struggle like everything else in life?

Yes you do have a point falling as much as I do perhaps does become unmanagable since its almost an addiction and surley an obssesion. But falling once in 8 days is far from unmanagable. It shouldn't be any worse than one who is on a diet. Often he is obssesed with food but as long as falls only now & then (cheats by a kiddush in shul etc..) its "managable". I am not suggesting that its OK to fall but like you said if you take the sin aspect out of the discussion then its no reason to be down.

I respectfully disagree with many posters who say they are depressed or saddened because they fell. And I think Rabbi Abraham J will agree not to get depressed over it.

Maybe it doesn't make your life unmanageable. My life was totally unmanageable and that's why I'm in 12 step recovery.

Add the book says, I will not convince you about your life, but mine is unmanageable. Why? When i am not speaking lashing hara, I do not go around searching for my next fix. When I miss tefillah, I do not anxiously await the next time for davaning. Lust is different. It effects my daily life, my wife, my family, my work, my emotions. If you do not feel this way, lucky you.

Bhatzlachah

Of course my life the way it is, is umangable. But the question is would it be unmanageable if every once in 8 days, two weeks or a month you acted out? I agree change on my life style must be made. And I admire and respect the fact that who you wook the intitative to grab that 12 step recovery intiative. And those beginers who are saddened or depressed because life is unbearable in the current state should be disturbed about it. But when I hear that you have taken the intail step. You have actually been clean for over a week or longer. (Something I have not done for the past 18 yrs). And perhaps you have tried a few times and fell. Well guess what, at that point, while you are not entirely free of your addiction yet, you have already made life manageable. Only acting out on occasions is normal. You have reached the unmangeable stage to normal stage.Of course your job is not done yet. But why the depression?

waydown wrote:

This part should be in bold, not parentheses. The people advising you HAVE gone several months clean and still feel that their lives are unmanageable. Perhaps they know what they're talking about.

Cordnoy,

You are 1000% correct. And I do have the exact problem that you pointed out.

All my point is, once you took the intiative and are clean for a week. At that point you are no longer 24/7 obsessed with that lust. You are now at the point where an occasional ruach shtus or lust overcomes you. But its no longer a 24/7 issue.

My own limited experience tells me otherwise, but everyone is different. Perhaps your life will indeed be manageable after a week of sobriety. Only one way to find out...

Bigmoish wrote:


Wrong!
I may be clean, but the disease is with me.
It comes back and haunts me in all different ways.
Once again, if you don't feel this way, kol hakavod!