You may be able to endure suffering for that long. The "trick" is to have a life that doesn't feel like suffering, so... no need for the "pain killer" (and neshama killer ). Recovery is about learning how to live. How to accept YOUR life as Hashem gave it to you. To trust Him, and live with Him.

so true day seven is also for me a big turn!

the only problem is that often its also the day in which i think im over it and i fall again:(

one day at a time!!!

I've gotten to 7 days many times, seemingly without much effort. It's when I get to 7 that I know the work has only just begun. B"H I'm not in a situation where I feel like my life is one of suffering. I've been down that road. Depression is a punk!

Today is another good day. I haven't even had any urges today! B"H. Here's to another good day!

its the best how to look at it!

the more i spend time in here the more i realize how all of our struggles are similar...

So, yesterday seemed to be fairly easy. I had a wonderful conversation with someone from GYE. I'm hopeful that this will help me overcome my inclinations today and in the future.

But then something weird happened. I had a dream where I was browsing YouTube or some other website and the next thing I know, I'm on porn and acting out (only in the dream, B"H, not in real life). In the dream, I knew that I was doing something inappropriate and I wanted to stop, but my YH was too strong. He convinced me that I was already too far gone and had already fallen, so why not keep going? I awoke with a terrible start.

Has this sort of thing happened to others here? I'd really like to continue with my day thinking that this was a hiccup and only a dream. Worse, is this the type of dream which might require a fast? I haven't told my Rov about my addiction, so I really don't want to have to ask this shailah if I don't have to.

Hi mattlanta,
Welcome to this wonderful world of GYE. I am noone to offer advice but I get much strength and help from everyone around here.
We are so happy to welcome you to our group!

Don't harp on it. Move on. Thinking about it won't lead to anything good.

A dream is just a dream, and you can ignore it.

That being said, I remember asking my rav if I should fast after a particular disturbing dream. (Not sexual, but emotionally very jarring and draining.)

Basically, he said that if I felt the dream was disturbing enough, and if I'm able to fast well enough and it would not affect my performance at work, I certainly could fast. But I don't have to, and it's really up to me to decide how disturbing it was.

There is one time you should worry about dreams. ....

Thank you all so much for your chizuk yesterday. Unfortunately, I was in a pretty bad place yesterday. My depression flared so hard, I was afraid I needed inpatient treatment. B"H I was able to get through the day without requiring hospitalization, but I didn't get through the day clean

I made it 9+ great clean days and I'm grateful for each one. Each one brought me closer to my wife and closer to HKB"H! Even though I've fallen, I know that both of them still love me and want me to succeed. So I'm restarting my count. I'm going to do my best not to dwell or live in the past. I'm not going to be perfect, but with His help, I'll do better this time.

I'm again humbled and thankful for everyone's advice. Please keep them coming!

Get back in the saddle and KOT!

lets stick to whats going to be in the future:)

Honesty is a big thing and it takes a brave man to be honest and admit a fall and restart the count.

I really want to be a hero and have a trillion written on the Wall of Honor right next to my name. But that doesn't work, so I am honest, that works.

9 days is great. But I guess one day at a time seems to much for me, I feel that 15 minutes at a time is even greater. Perhaps 5 minutes at a time.