Hi,
i am thirty years of age, i have a wonderful life beautiful wife and children, i am a marbitz torah but i live a double life..
i am struggling with masturbation since i was 13 and inappropriate stuff for a few years i promised myself so many times that i will stop it can go for 40-50 days then i am back.
i use vcf but certain sites if i reload 15 times it will open.
i am lost sitting and crying i feel like a piece of garbage i am starting today the 90 day journey again. someone please give me chizuk and ideas so this time it should be for real.

What helps some people is this. Don't live in isolation. Post here often and tell how you are getting along. If you have a slip report it here before it develops into a fall. describe what is going on and how you are dealing with it. read the responses you get.

This puts you into a different frame of mind. It helps for some people.

First off, Welcome! So glad you are here. You sound like a very sincere and erliche person. Personally, I don't see you as being a piece of garbage at all. Just the opposite, you are a person as imperfect and as frail as the next person, who makes mistakes. You also do teshuvah and correct those mistakes! The fact that they happen again is due to your humanity not your unworthiness, in my view.

Mevkesh,
We love you here and understand you. I wish that I was 30. You are so smart for realizing at your age that you have to do something and didn't wait until your late 40's like me. Just know that the RBS"O loves you and gave you this nisayon but will help you overcome it. I am in no position to give advice but since I am clean for 3 weeks, in this short time span, I feel my whole life turning over. I am turbo charged at work, at home and in intimacy. LIFE IS GREAT even though I am still experiencing the constant nagging. I feel HKB"H with me as I literally talk to him every second that I have privacy and beg him to stay with me and keep me safe. There are so many people on here that help me so much on a regular basis so stick around and you will be in a moishav tzaddikim and as Chazal say, Toiv L'tzadik, Toiv L'shcheino!

WELCOME! You are definitely in the right place. Start with the handbook, and reading the forum. We know how you feel. You have already started taking steps in the right direction. I acted out for over 20 years. I'm now 5.5 years sober B"H.

Welcome,
Nice share.
You have joined a good place.
Don't be a stranger.
And it's only the Rosh chodesh shower guys that smell like garbage around here.

b'hatzlachah

Welcome.
And keep us posted on how its going, and what works for you "sharing is caring".

thank you thank you! i am starting to feel at home over here for years i couldn't talk to anyone about my struggles now i have a loving community, b"h i made through the first day was hard, but 24 hours passed. i will update iy"h on my journey tnx for joining me!

I hear you loud and clear. I also have lived this "double-life" style for years. Most guys here have in one way or another felt similarly. We understand each other in a way that makes us so very helpful.
The fact you have started posting is massive.

Welcome Friend!
One day at a time- One step at a time

Welcome Mevakesh!!!!

Ditto to all of the above posts.

Looking forward to hearing and seeing you around. KUTGW!!!

Welcome. Good to hear your first 24 hours went well. Halevai Vaiter.

Thank you all for the chizuk i had a very hard day. i committed that i will post whatever happens helped me deal with the struggles tnx again friends!!!!!!!!!!!!!

mevkesh1 wrote:

"For real". Freudian slip going on me thinks. Why do you think that if you fell it wasn't for real? You will have done the best where you are. And you will keep doing better. For me, "for real" is a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. It's very nice to occasionally muse about it but I know that what is for real for me is the challenges and tools I have at present. Listen to Reb fishel shachter on torahAnyTime. This is his recurring theme.
Hatzlacha rabba. Shlomo

Cherish every clean day! You worked hard for them!

quick update BH still going