I cant believe i fell again!! Its so depressing!! Whats wrong with me? I wonder if ill ever be able to stay clean long term...

Sasha 2 wrote:


What is there not to believe?
Yes. .. this life can be depressing.
What's wrong with you is what's wrong with all of us.
You wonder about long term?
What about today?
Your tapshik is merely another way of "holding on for dear life" (your words, not mine).

You will continue falling until you develop a plan. ....a real one.

Bhatzlachah on your decision

I used to wake up and resolve with all my heart that I wouldn't act out today. Then I'd go to a work appointment and again resolve that I wouldn't act out after the appointment. For one time, just this one time, I would just drive straight back to the office. I mean was that so hard to do? You know what, I don't think I ever made it back to the office. After hours and hours of acting out, I would say "I can't believe it. Why do I do this? What's wrong with me? Will I ever be normal?". Then one day I woke up and said to myself, "I know I'm going to act today and there is nothing I can do on my own to stop it." I was powerless. In fact the only thing I new for certain, was that I was defeated and could not control myself. You know what, I didn't act out that day and I didn't act out again for just short of 6 months and haven't acted out since, B"H. The day I did act out again, I had woken up with the confidence that I wouldn't. That wasn't the first day I woke up like that, but there was a pattern of confidence building. Today, chaver, I know for a fact that the only thing stopping from me acting out is a miracle. And I want to thank you for reminding me of that, because I've been forgetting. It isn't the morning GYE call I was on today, it isn't the program call with a chaver that I had after, it isn't the text to my sponsor, it isn't the time I'm spending here, it won't be the 12 noon call with Duvid Chaim, it won't be my 2pm therapy session, it won't be the medication, it won't be the rest of my program and family calls today, it won't be the AA meeting I chair this evening, it won't be the SA meeting I'll drive an hour to tonight, and it won't be the calls I get from my sponsees that keeps me sober today. Even with all that, I expect that without a miracle, I will act out today.

Hatzlacha my friend

Wow!! I never really thought abt it that way, Thanx for the chizzuk!

cordnoy wrote:


Thanx for that! I see ive got some thinking to do!

serenity wrote:


I can't tell you how much this way of thinking helped... so far back on track and clean i just hope it stays this way!
Thank you very much for sharing this!!

So far keeping to clean B"H!! The thoughts/lusting is a real killer, How does everyone prevent lusting on the streets etc.?

Sasha 2 wrote:


No thinkin'....actin'!

Alcoholics Anonymous Page 70

"To sum up about sex: We earnestly pray for the right ideal, for guidance in each questionable situation, for sanity, and for the strength to do the right thing. If sex is very troublesome, we throw ourselves the harder into helping others. We think of their needs and work for them. This takes us out of ourselves. It quiets the imperious urge, when to yield would mean heartache."

I've argued for years,(and at least twice on this very forum)that while therapy can be quite helpful, therapy alone may make a person self-absorbed, always psycho analyzing themselves,constantly taking their own emotional temperature and not seeing past their own noses.
A person needs to be involved with chesed as serenity displayed to us.

"This takes us out of ourselves. It quiets the imperious urge, when to yield would mean heartache." This quote explains the short term gain. The long term gain is that chesed makes us feel good about ourselves.
A feeling that we earned by legitimately doing a right and non-selfish act. When we start building up a solid self-image we then have the confidence to tackle our demons or anything else for that matter.

yiraishamaim wrote:


Anyone can be selfish .

I dont know why we would pick on those attending therapy. Adarabah, they are being advised to look past their noses.

Yes, some think only of themselves, and those people might not go to therapy either.

Bhatzlachah

I think it depends on the therapist. My major problem with "therapy", in general, is that it could come in the form of real medical science or just plain pseudoscientific, new-agey, hogwash. Both categories are considered therapy, and even licensed. And if a patient is supposed to be somewhat beholden to the advice of their therapist, how can he know the difference? Some modern secular therapy advocates a very selfish, me-centric way of living, not compatible with the selflessness we value in kosher marriage. I've experienced this first-hand with some therapists.

So I appreciate both sides of this debate.

Here Here!

Both of mine were extremely helpful.
And those who worked with other members of family were extremely productive.
B"H!

It's probably not like that for all though.

I am sure.

Most probably -Good therapists and good patients who are positive and work a good program