Hi everyone, I'm following the advice of GYE. It's telling me to try the 90 day challenge and in the past if I've "listened"to my computer when it's wanted me to journey into the craziness that is the internet, why not listen to it when it tells me to do something that's actually good for me

My short story is that I work within the jewish music world. I am BH married to a wife who is WAY better than me and K"H have children who make me feel that becoming a better person will be extremely worth it in the long run.

Originally I didn't want to "officially" join GYE as a member, let alone do the 90 day challenge and post on the forum because I feel if I'm committing to it then I'm stuck with it, but I've come to the conclusion that it's a smart move at this point. Because I've BH been through all sorts of craziness in my life and have hung with many different circles which I feel have properly prepared me for how the world is. Although I try to avoid stereotyping when I can to give you an idea I grew up more modern orthodox (where having girls come over wasn't too frowned upon), then I went to a yeshivish black-hat yeshiva (yeah I'm not sure exactly how that happened either, my current rebbi is a Chossid, and I've been learning through Likutei Moharan along with other breslov seforim recently. I firmly believe that one of the things holding Klal Yisroel back (as if I'm one to speak) is the lack of people who realize that "Harbei Drachim Lamakom" is a reality and that yiddishkeit is not a "one size fits all". I'll stop the rant here

Assuming people here are actually interested in my progress throughout the 90 days I will do my best to document it here. Looking forward to hopefully seeing you all on the other side!

Another reason for being nervous to join is I have told myself that my issue with looking isn't as bad as other peoples and therefore I may not "need" something like GYE. I am doing my best to bite the bullet and be an active (or semi-active) member of the site here. I find that my biggest issue is not with looking at porn limaysa (although through the years I've definitely searched and watched more than my fair share), these days I find that a lot of my challenge is what's called soft-core porn (meaning inappropriate scenes in movies, untznius pictures etc.) as well as looking at the women in my workplace or the women at the simcha's that I play music or sing at. I decided about 2 days ago to make a conscious effort going forward to cotnrol my eyes and BH it's been going fairly well. last night my Rebbi (the Chossid) made a chasuna that I Went to and although there were mroe than enough women there who were "dressed up" for the chasuna and as a result easy picking for me to look at, I BH didn't do any gazing. Interestingly enough when I left the chasuna with my wife she mentioned that at one point when she was ready to leave she tried to get my attention fromt he side of the mechitza and she was ultimately happy that she didn't get it because that means I wasn't looking at the end of the mechitza where women watching the men dance can be seen. I was extremely thankful that I had control because I would think it would be very hard for her to catch me gazing at someone else. While she knows I am making a conscious effort, I know that she doesn't 100% understand the tayva to look at women, and therefore I think it would be taken harder by her than by someone who might have more of an understanding (like a male friend might understand)

Welcome!
We have all types here; no need to worry. The YH doesn't discriminate.

Thanks! whats YH?

Yetzer Hara. Though many here don't really subscribe to that whole theory...
Lust is lust. Let's just leave it at that.

Fair point. I do think that others may have stronger nisyonos than me, since I can't understand how tough their nisyonos are for them, and they cant understand how my nisyonos are tough for me, I can suffice it to say that we're all hurting in one way or another

Welcome and yes we are interested in hearing about your journey! Sounds like it should be an easy one for you .

Hatzlacha!

Welcome,

Lookin' forward to hear more.

b'hatzlachah

you really did a big step in the right direction
thats a major achievement

Here's today's update:

BH I work in a large company where tznius even by the non jews who work here isn't too terrible but I think we all know that while tznius-ness is nice, it's not an all out solution stopping us from looking. I do work in a cubicle so I have the advantage of being boxed in to a certain degree and while I'm working at my desk I can't see out so that definitely helps a lot.

Because of the work I do outside of my day job (media-related like music,video,etc.) I tend to have late nights and I'm finding that it's much harder to keep myself focused and looking down the majority of the time when I'm exhausted. I know that people work like that in general, whether it's dieting or just going about our days we never seem to move and smoothly when we're really tired. I'm going to try and get a handle on that to make it a bit easier for myself. All in all though I'm pretty happy with myself for staying as strong as I've been able to and not falling

In case I don't have any update tomorrow, have a great Shabbos Chevra

Welcome! I personally have a hard time at simchos. Everyone is dressed really well, and even the ones who are dressed b'tzniyus can be problematic. I wish you hatzlacha. I can certainly relate.

Not that I can in any way claim that it's harder for me than anyone else (nor would I want to) but imagine being in a position that I find myself in many times where when I'm told to set up my equipment to play music by a simcha, on the womens side

I'm imaginin'; I'm imaginin'.....

Imagine the guy with 7 years recovery that has same sex attraction and he's dancing with you at the simcha. And he got that recovery in SA meetings surrounded by guys including his sponsor.

That would be a very intense thing to be a part of

Why do you set up the music on the women's side? I think some musicians don't do that as a matter of policy.