lets focus on TODAY
העבר אין
העתיד עדיין
וההוה כהרף אין
its anyway not in our hand at all

i was thinking a nice thought
that no 1 can imagine what we are going thru in our life and struggle just hashem knows
אמת כי אתה הוא יוצרם ואתה יודע יצרם just he knows
no 1 in the world no1 knows what we are suffering and struggling and fighting
but we believe כי לא לחפוץ במות המת כי אם בשובו מדרכו וחיה
i was thinking
we say in the ani maamins שהבורא יתברך שמו יודע כל מעשי בני אדם וכל מחשבותם
שנאמר היוצר יחד לבם המבין אל כל מעשיהם
המבין means he understand, so the pusuk is not about knowing
its about understadning
HE UNDERSTAND US
so this pusik is more to calm us

It's a difficult balance. On the one hand, you can't let your guard down, which can happen even to people who have been sober for a long time. On the other hand, obsessing about not obsessing is a recipe for obsessing , which leads to acting out .

I hear you on the confusing thoughts. I'd say, just focus on taking it one moment at a time. Don't worry about tomorrow, just worry about now.

great!
stay here, hashem will help you all the way
about your shabbos question
i think that its like a nidoh, because we know she will be o.k. after a specific time, so we can refrain easier, same with shabbos, because we know its only for one day we can refrain easier
maybe thats a good example of "Ona day at a time" idea

I think Shmeichels answer makes sense in regards to the Shabbos issue. I was maybe thinking of two other possibilities. One is that we aren't really CONVINCED that this is so bad. The second is that even if we are it already became like heter since we already got used to doing it. Knowledge of these two things might help us defend against the Yetzer Hara better...
Anyway I've been clean for over a week now and it does feel good (random urges still come and go obviously, not enough to convince me to give in).
I am trying to retrace my steps for my past falls. One of the most common ways (especially after being sober for a while) goes something like this:
Surfing the net with no intention to fall. Looking at news, wikipedia, reading random stories, etc. everything is "pareve". Eventually things shift from "clean" to slightly immodest pictures here and there. Eventually ending up on YouTube at some point. At first "ignoring" the pritzus, but at some point subconsciously making "parve" searches hoping that some sort of pritzus comes up, but if it does, after all you are only a shogeg since you didn't intentionally search for it. After a while somthing "really good" comes up and we finally really look at it. From here on it's downhill fast because now we actively search for more things as the same category as this. However at this point by goyish standards it's still not considered pornography. Eventually some sort of "real" nudity comes up and then we think "once we already saw this, let me just look at one more thing" and by then it is all over and no holds barred...
Wow It probably sounds weird but I was started shaking while I was writing that.
The obvious solution is to not use the Internet EVER for anything superfluous. Much harder then it sounds...

to make your life a hell of a lot easier! why dont you install a good proper foolproof filter, for heavens sake

Haha. I know I already have a filter with a monitor on my computer. These things don't work for me. I always figure out how to bypass them. I am sure if just installing a filter was the end solution, a lot of people wouldn't be here right now.
Anyway the funny thing is that not to long after I posted yesterday I almost fell into the exact same trap. I really think that this might be my main Yetzer Hara, just to stam surf the net and read random information. Besides for this being one of the main reasons I fall, there are many other drawbacks. Bitul Torah is probably the top of the list. Going to sleep late, which ruins the next day. Getting all of this bad goyish hashkafa into my head (even if I might not accept it, it still has an effect on a person). I think I am going to take this 90 days thing to the next level and make a set time limit which after that I can't use the Internet for ANYTHING (not even guard your eyes ). For me this is very difficult, but I think I must learn how to do this. This might be the thing keeping me from falling after the 90 days is up...

Sounds like a solid idea. Try it out for a week, and let us know how things go.

Hi, it's been a while since I last posted. Happy Chanukkah everyone. Baruch Hashem I am at 17 days so far. Things have definitely changed since the first week. Now I actually am getting those "urges" as they say. I am starting to forget how bad that "disgusting feeling" that I had when I was in the mud feels. A few things I have found to be giving chizuk not to give in. The first is the chart, I really wanna get higher up in the rankings. Not sure why this is a motivator but it is. The second is that I keep telling myself that I don't want to be doing this for the rest of my life. And a big yesod that I have learnt when I joined the GYE community; "A thousand times is never enough". A big trap of the Yetzer Hara for me is "curiosity", such as getting something in my head and then saying to myself "let me just see how this looks like". But as GYE taught me "ITS NEVER ENOUGH" and in my case "you curiosity will never be satisfied". The third is the time limit that I set for myself which at this point been a big help. Also of course, davening to be saved from the yetzer hara.
As I mentioned before, I am very disappointed to see on the chart how many people have been clean for such a long time (sometimes over a thousand days!) and then fall right back in. Why does this happen? How can we be prepared to quit forever and never go back?

No one said to quit forever just quit for this moment just for today

Yesterday was
Tomorrow will be
The only thing I can do is change the moment I see

As the handbook says: "The past is gone, and the future is not in our hands." (pg 7) We only need to concentrate on today. In fact you should only concentrate on what you are doing at the current moment. Recovery take baby steps. Our problems won't go away in an instant. But we can't recover without any "one day at a times" So focusing on just the day is the key to all those long days, at least for me and a lot of others!

BTW: deep breath!

Breakingout wrote:


While it's true that we are never safe, and I studied this exact question before, and I asked pointedly to people that it happened to, I have not noticed on the chart that which you elude to...certainly not many over a thousand who have fallen; do you have different info that I have?

whatever the case is, concentrate on the moment before you.

b'hatzlachah

which of the two is a better choice?
1) falling regularly daily/weekly?
2) falling once in 3 years?

keep it up, one day at a time
thats thee only way

Thanks everybody for the responses. I understand that we have to go one day at a time, but at the end of the day "hachacham roeh es hanolad". I am just trying to figure out what can make someone fall back in after bring out of it for so long so we can take certain precautions in the future. Also how the pattern has been with me is even if I have been clean for a few months, whenever I would fall it would be like for the whole week until I would be able to pick myself up again. I don't know... I guess I am just scared.
I have never realized how much "giving in" is so much more tempting when someone is under stress. I have had a very stressful passed few days for several reasons, just certain things haven't been working out the way I would have liked them to. And the desire for "escape" becomes so much stronger! I really never realized to what extant I have been using this as a "soother". Crazy.
Wishing everyone Hatzlacha!

(In my previous post I didn't mean that there were a lot of people over the 1000 mark, but there were a few. But there are a lot over the 90 day mark.)

My sentiment remains the same.

keep in mind as well that not every lustful thought needs to be taken to the next level.

My therapist reminds me: to lust is to be human.

b'hatzlachah