Hi All,

I was well on my way to 90-days around 80-days.

And I had a slip borderline fall. I decided to treat as a fall. Which I think was a mistake because this caused me to fall even harder since I though to myself hey I need to start over any way.

Any thoughts?

A fall starts well before the actual act of falling. What you call a slip may have been the beginning of the fall, and calling it whatever you want would not have helped by that point, the fall was already inevitable.

Possibly. I don't know for sure.

KOT and stick around, introduce yourself. We don't bite.

can relate.
you should be commended for your honesty.
i think your dissappontment is normal.
brush yourself off and start again.

Welcome,

Perhaps tell us more - if you want - so we can talk more intelligently.

b'hatzlachah

שבע יפול צדיק - וקם

Welocme!

Stick around the guys here are very helpful and non-judgmental, KOT day by day.

Be'Hatzlach

Guys tend to be hard on themselves regarding "calling something a fall". I think being meikil bemakom safek is smarter for the reason you illustrated so well. (and perhaps not even counting to 90 at all)

Pick yourself up and KOT! Don't worrry about 90. Just work on recovery one day at a time.

WELCOME!!!!!!!!!

Check out the GYE Handbook and Skep's tips

My introduction

I have been stuck in the mud for the past 6 years (I am married for about 9)

I have tried to stop and I have had successful stretches of 6 months at a time every now and than.I have read info on GYE but never became a member until recently.

about three months ago in middle of Elul I though I hit rock bottom I deiced to join the 90 day journey (I committed $90 if I fail) I made to day 82 and than I fell last week Thursday.
And now last night I fell probably harder than ever.

I think my problem is that I don't really want to stop.(obviously I do that's why I am here)
When I stop for a 6 weeks or more I start feeling like I am missing something I am deprived
of something I should and could have. and of course I tell myself about how bad it makes me feel but that feeling of I am missing something eventually wins me over.

When I stop I feel I just need to get this under control but I still need a little of it..

I will try to write more and explain when time allows me.


If someone can please advise of what further steps I can further take like joining an accountability group etc. or recommended reading please advise.

Got go for now .

Shalom aleichem, Reb Elezer! !

Hatzlacha on your journey.

2 things are guaranteed along the way:
1. It ain't easy
2. It's well worth it!

Welcome,

I am married for over 20 and stuck in the mud for over 30.
actually, the mud part is the same as the marriage part.
Actually, I have been unstuckin' for some time now.

We lookin' forward to hear about your recovery process.

b'hatzlachah

If your stuck in the mud for six years I will tell you what I wish someone would have told me. I wish someone would hAve reached out to me and with love begged me to get real help to admit that there was a problem and go get help. I myself have been stuck in the mud for more than six years and I am desperately trying to get out but I now know that I can't do it on my own because it's a disease called adiction. It's not just a tavah and if I learn more Mussar and try harder it will go away. If it's been there for six years you need to reach out for help. Participate on this forum read articles on this website and maybe join a phone conference maybe the more experienced members can advise which phone conference you should join.

Yes I realize I need help.

I am looking for Guidance.

I ready to join whatever I need to.

Check out the home page.
Check out Skep's tips.
Chat with the oilam.
It will need to come from you - the initiative that is.
Comin' here is a great first step.
I will be a bit harsher than the previous poster.
Nobody will reach out to you and pull you out of the mud, but if your hand is raised (like in the openin' pic), you will feel many hands grabbing at and pullin' you outta there.
Grasp 'em!

b'hatzlachah

Reb Elezer wrote:


hi there,
about the feeling of being deprived.
i think it may be that you feel resentful about something in your life, so in return you are seeking comfort somewhere else.
good luck and keep on posting.

WELCOME Reb Elezer! It's nice to have you with us. It's difficult, but as long as you "wish" you could have it, it's going to be very rough. Recovery is (partially) aobut realizing/trusting that Hashem gives us everything we need, and we need to let go of our fantasies and how WE want things to be. This may not make sense to you right now. Stick around. Read the forum. check out the dov quotes link in my signature.

Keep posting!