Hey all,

I'm on the path to 90. It's been tough to keep the right mindset recently, I hit a pretty big low after a good run.

My issue is convincing myself for a long period of time that life has become impossible and I can't continue this way. I have no problem seeing and believing this after I fall, with all the hopelessness and regret and pleading for forgiveness that follows. But I know I have to get back up and continue fighting and so this idea of life being impossible slowly slips away and I'm back to believing that accting out is an option. When I'm about to act out my YH convinces me that life hasn't become impossible and I should act out this once and everything will be fine- when on the inside I know it won't be if I do.

How do I keep the right mindset all the time and commit to believing that my life is in fact impossible when I act out?

Get in trouble with the police or your wife . Even that may not do it. Unfortunately, it sometimes takes hitting rock bottom. GYE tries to get people to "hit bottom while still on top", but I can't say if it works or not. For me, it took my wife catching me.

Perhaps reading stories of how other people hit bottom can help you see the direction you may be heading into if you don't change.

Sorry, I don't have a better answer.

Gibbor is always spot on!

I, however, don't fully understand your question.
If you are tryin' to convince yourself that life is impossible, then it's probably not.
It is not the actin' out itself that makes it unmanageable; it is all the lead-ups to it, and possibly the after effects.
I have some other questions on what you wrote, but please explain this:
Why do you wanna stop?
What is unacceptable to you?

As an aside, it might be worth it to think of today, not tomorrow.

b'hatzlachah

Even the title of this thread!??

I just can't bring myself to get caught. I know I have to but I just can't bear the thought of getting caught.
I know I have to do something otherwise I'm just doing the same thing and expecting different results.

I don't know exactly why I want to stop, and I think that may be part of my problem.
I know that viewing inappropriate things and acting out is wrong but beyond the moral aspect I don't know if I'm sure why it's wrong. Maybe I need an answer to convince me that it actually does make life impossible.

Let me then change my question to this, why does acting out make life impossible and why should I strive to stop myself?

Let's start with this question. How does acting out affect your life?

Again agree with Gibbor.

Sir, you should not be askin' us the question; you should be askin' it to yourself.

If it doesn't effect your life, then drink, eat and be merry.

Party on!

It affects my relationship with G-d. I feel disconnected from him when I act out, embarrassed to ask things of him and ashamed of myself in front of him.

This wears off, I get back up and fight and then reestablish a connection with G-d, but the consequence of losing that connection has so far not been enough to hold me back from acting out. It seems that I only realize how important it is after I act out.

Is that really the only affect it has on you? If not for feeling embarrased, it has no affect at all?

I guess you're right. Watching P wastes time, makes me less productive. Also if it leads to acting out the shame that follows anchors me down undoubtedly and doesn't let me think of work like I should.

It also detriments my emunah. When I'm able to stay strong and maintain a connection with Hkbh I feel more confident about life and the future.

I guess these were all things I didn't think of, but then again how can I make sure I'm thinking of these things when I have an urge and not always thinking straight.

By the way, something else that it is doing to you but we try not to talk about it is setting you up for a nice visit to gehennom. That might not be an incentive to stop and it definitely won't be a tool to stop, but once you are taking inventory of what the problems it is causing you are, you probably shouldn't forget this one.
The embarrassment there will be a lot more than any embarrassment you can experience by being caught here.

How about making a list? Do you ignore people or responsibilities? Does it affect your relationships, your work? Does it make you feel out of control? Is it getting worse (meaning you need it more frequently or a higher "dosage" to make you feel better)?

Just some points to ponder and maybe write down.

Check out skep's tips: guardyoureyes.com/forum/1-Break-Free/219536-Welcome-New-Members!#219543 on Positive Programming. Its number 3. You are currently doing negative programming.

I think making a list is a great idea. Thank you, there are so many things you don't think of right away, but sitting down and thinking really brings them to the surface.