Hi all. So I fell today after 3 weeks clean. I feel down, but I've read enough to know that I have to keep my head up, because there is another day tomorrow, and because the Y"H feeds off of remorse and pity.

I try to learn a little bit everyday, and I slacked off this weak. I wasn't giving my best to connect with Hashem, and I put myself in some bad situations.

I've been trying to keep clean for a long time. I'm pushing forward and making strides. So far I haven't been able to hold back for extended periods/completely. We all know Albert Einstein's definition of insanity, and so after I fell today I thought it was time to start something new. I've never posted, I've been pushing it off too long.

The first thing I did after I fell was go straight to the Mishna I'm learning and just sit and learn. The second is this post.

I don't know how it will go. Just wanted to get my thoughts out there.

Thanks and Hatzlocha.

Welcome

that is a start.

yes; gettin' down serves nobody's best interest.

Lookin' forward to hear your issues, struggles, victories and progress.

This site is a swell place to be.

b'hatzlachah

Shalom aleichem, and welcome, Test!
What a jump start.
'Y"h feeds off remorse and pity". The way you're going, you'll starve the y"h to death!
Keep posting!
Hatzlacha!

WELCOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yes, you are correct. Being down is not good. It won't help us recover. We should try to learn what we can from the fall and then move on.

SOOOO....What can you learn from the fall?

Also, check out: Skep's tips

Welcome Thetest!!!!

great move in the right direction keep up the good work!!

looking forward to hearing from you!!!

Welcome TT!

I delayed responding to your post, because I, too, just fell after 3 weeks clean, and it took me some time to get out of the dumps. After some encouraging chats with others, my spirits are lifted again, and I really believe we can do this!

Looking forward to hearing more from you.

Moish

WELCOME! Keep reading and posting. Many of us have been through the cycle (falling, getting up, falling, getting up....) more times than we can count.

I was in the cycle for many years until I came here. There's lots to learn here. Many have been helped, you can too!

Almost made it through the. The Yh attacked me a few times through the day but I fought it off. Until the night. I didn't think, I fell for it, telling myself I'd hold back from the fall, but I plunged before I knew it. I feel sick to the bone. But the YH is too good at tricking me into thinking it's ok. I was almost too embarrassed not to post this. But I did. I don't know what else to write. I need to make some changes, and I will. Starting with looking into filters.

Filters are a good start....accordin' to some.
Others would say that you gotta change your mindset.
what is it that's triggerin' you?
Have you read the handbook?
DMS1234567890987654321 has another good idea; ask him about it.
Real change and action comes from within; you can do it!

b'hatzlachah

Have you read the handbook? What have you tried?

No I have not, but thank you, I will make sure to download it and read it.

and don't forget to ask the Yid headin' to E"Y for Skep's tips before he embarks.

Welcome TT!!

It is really great that you've opened up, as I'm sure you feel that already.

Interesting that gibbor didn't point this out, but it seems that you (like many or most of us here) have some perfectionist symptoms. I write that from reading what you wrote

thetest wrote:


By me, that was a sure trigger to go lust. Being a slight, almost perfect, perfectionist, if I didn't do "the best" or I missed something, it would aggravate me to no end!!

Being aggravated is not comfortable, so I had a quick way of ending that discomfort......escape!! I run to my favorite fantasy land!!

Being on this site, learning how to accept myself as I am one day at a time, each day is a new acceptance of myself. I am human, I have assets and defects, I have made mistakes and I have done well, accepting all that isn't easy, but it's REAL LIFE and it's much better than the best fantasy land I've ever been to!!

KOT brother!! KOMT!!

Pidaini wrote:
Oy vey, I'm not perfect .

I will just add that I have a link to Dr Sorotzkin in my signature. His stuff is GREAT!

I recently had a great strong run. I was taking it day by day and focusing on what's important. I really wanted to be sober, I wanted to stay away from the things I knew would make me fall. It felt so good, doing this and being in control. I fell today, after being isolated and exploiting a hole in my filter. I still feel that I want to stop. I want to keep pushing and I feel that I've really matured to the point that I realize that I don't want this addiction, that it hurts me, those around me and my future. Everyday I'm clean feels like gan eden and so I'm starting today.
Here are the things I want to do:

1.) Post on this forum with status updates hopefully on a daily basis.
2.) Patch my filter holes!! I really really hope I can find a way to avoid falling by this.
3.) Remember to give my lust over to HKBH everytime it hits. This is very important.
4.) Continue taking it DAY BY DAY.
5.) Cherish all the good feeling from being sober.
6.) Read the handbook in a more organized fashion.
7.) Tell myself that whatever the challenge, I'm not alone and I can overcome it.

I've learned that I must avoid getting to the point of falling as it is much easier to avoid the feeling and make sure you never get there than to fight it head on.