Hi, everybody.

Here is my question: could it be useful to make two different 90 days periods, 1) to break the habit of viewing dirty things and then 2) to break the masturbation habit, since it seems to me too hard to break them at once?

Well it does not work for me I have tried just makes me want to make up for lost time .Not for me I don't think

יהודי חזק wrote:


Whatever works for you

speak to Shivisi I think; he has multiple charts and is a master at that. Perhaps it was someone else, but I think it was him.

b'hatzlachah

In my opinion, its not a good idea. Its all lust. It comes from the same place. So if we stop lusting in one form we will lust in another way. We have to completely cut free from all lust. Its hard but we don't have to give it up for eternity. Just for today, even just for now. Baby steps, baby steps.

Welcome Strong Jew!!

Don't be a stranger here, we're all in the same boat!! Tell us a bit about yourself and your struggles.

You say that you can't seem to quit both, what have you tried that didn't work?

Don't shy away, this could change your life!!

Thanks for your response. I tried many times to stop viewing dirty things and masturbation, but failed... I tried to do it one day at a time (as I think), but it didn't work.
Please help
I'm tired

Ok; so let's forget the two list thingy.

Tell us what you have tried in the past.
Tell us what has worked somewhat and what hasn't.
How long have you struggled?
what are your particular issues or struggles?
We would like to wake your tired soul up.

Thanks

b'hatzlachah

Reading stuff without pictures, writing stuff without pictures, imagining stuff in your head, looking at fully clothed stuff on the street, or looking at fully undressed stuff on the computer - it's all the same stuff. So if you stop one without the other, thinking that this one is less bad than that one, in reality you are still feeding the desire and it will inevitably lead to masturbation.

From my experience, the only way to stop is to give it all up completely.


One day at a time doesn't mean to anticipate tomorrow when you will be able to indulge all you want. One day at a time means to give it all up completely for today. Whenever a thought or desire comes to mind, we shut it down immediately by focusing on, or doing, something else. What will be tomorrow? It's not even a thought, we'll work on tomorrow when we get there.

There are lots of tips here.

Hatzlacha!

I tried being in contact with a partner, it didn't work, the partner disappeared.
I installed k9 filter, which is good, I've to admit. but there is no k9 for iphone, so...
I tried to distract myself by listening to music, watching series.
This all started in winter 2012.

The knowledge that I cause great damage to myself and even to upper worlds makes the situation worse. I try to do tikkunim (Tikkun haKlali, mikvah sometimes, tzedakah). But you know what? I fall after doing a tikkun...
My problem started (pornography, masturbation) after entering university. I had a problem with masturbation earlier, but it get worse with pornography... Actually, having analysed these things, I came to conclusion that my laziness led me to temptation, then the temptation turned into addiction. Each fall (and the addiction itself, the fact that I can't overcome it) leads me to depression and low spirit, and that doesn't let me to study well, to overcome my laziness, which is the root of my problems. This is a vicious circle. I always think about my problem. I know that this is not right, but how can I just forget about my big faults, that I did smth that contradicts with everything that Hashem Blessed Be He wants from me? I know that to be shomer haBrit is extremely important, if you do not do that, your other spiritual work weigh almost nothing. My self-esteem is low now.
How to tear this vicious circle?

Thank you
There are filters for phones; you have to want them.
It takes research or calling Tag or something like that.
The shomer habris stuff, tikkun klali, mikvah immersin'....I'm the wrong guy for that.
I will let others chime in.

I would suggest followin' some of the tips on this site.
The handbook.
A mentor/sponsor
An SA group
A specialist
openin' up in real time to others on this site.

In other words takin' action...gettin' out of your comfort zone a bit.
Somethin' like that.

Let us know

Thanks

b'hatzlachah

Thanks
Shabbat Shalom

Its actually really easy to filter your Iphone and it works really well: venishmartem.com/new/devices/mobiles/ios/item/apple-ios7-filtering

I've only recently started the journey myself, so not much successful experience to speak of, but I can offer you my experience in failing.
Don't dwell on staying clean. Think happy things. You are a great person, so when you do slip, keep holding your head high.
It sounds like you are worrying about the spiritual consequences a lot. I think it's counterproductive.
I personally tried to stop masturbating many times unsuccessfully. I guess I didn't really put that much effort in, but from reading the forums I realized how important it is to purify your mind from lustful thoughts. Otherwise, trying to stop can get very frustrating, because the stuff is still clogging up all your brain cells. Every bathroom is a potential masturbation site when your mind is a virtual porn mag, so, I don't really see the wisdom in dividing it up. Just my unskilled opinion.
If you do try 2 different programs, please keep us updated so we can see how you do.

And whatever you do, remember that we're all in this together, so don't get down on yourself. Hashem sees that you're trying and that makes Him proud. Forget about all the kabbalah and other stuff. It's clearly not helping you.

Good Shabbos

WELCOME! You are in the right place! I learned so much here, and if you are willing, you will too.

A quote from the white book comes to mind (maybe from the big book) - "half measures availed us nothing".

I tried all sorts of "half measures". It doesn't work. As long as I was lusting, even "muttar" lust for my wife, I could not break free. I had to commit to let go of lust in any form. That does not mean that I never lust anymore. Just that I recognize it for what it is, and stay away from it as much as I can. I still struggle at times, but less frequently and with less intensity.

Don't worry about the upper worlds right now. Most (perhaps all) of us have found that is just causes guilt which in turn causes us to act out. We need to do our job. Let G-d keep score.

I wonder if you consider yourself a perfectionist. It can be caused by low self-esteem, and laziness is a symptom of perfectionism. I highly recommend Dr. Sorotzkin's website (you can click the link in my signature).

Acting out is often a result of emotional triggers. Feeling low, bored, lonely etc. Working on healthy ways to live will alleviate many of these triggers.

Learning to appreciate that everything is from Hashem can help reduce stress. He knows what is best for us at all times. He is in control, so why worry.

These are some of the thoughts that helped me. I hope they help you too.

Shalom, יהודי חזק!!

Wishing you much success on your quest to become clean.

Being clean is not all or nothing. Every moment that we are able to avert our mind/ heart/ eyes is precious to Hashem! So why don't I feel that way when I DO control myself? Well, because the same yetzer hara that wants us to feel down when we fall, doesn't want us to feel accomplished when we control ourselves!

Teshuva/ tikkunim: If I'm stuck swimming in the sewer, I don't take a bar of soap to clean myself- cuz it ain't gonna help. As a matter of fact, I'll stink for a longer period, since I'm investing my energies on the wrong things during this time. The only productive thing I can do to stop smelling like I do, is to GET OUT OF THE SEWER!
There's a time for everything. Now's the time to try my best to get clean. One day, G-d willing, it will be time for Teshuva. But at this point in my life (I haven't fallen in about a month) I'm still getting out of the dirt.

One moment at a time, bro!