I took the challange to reach 90 days but I have had lots and lots of mental lust thought - does this count as a slip.

After hours of mental thought/obsessions as to how I get a female medical colleage to give me sexual pleasure (thoughts I could not stop) I had an inappropriate conversation with her -- to get a thrill -I got a high off her embarassement does this count as a fall.?



My previous issues were masturbation/porn/physical sexual encouters outside of marriage.

Now I have a dilema
I feel like what I did above was NOT RIGHT and maybe should recount from the begining - but am scared that I will lose the great encouragement of reaching 70 days

or are the above episodes a breach of the 90 days and continuing to count would be sheker?


Thank you

Charlie1

Do whatever you want; whatever will be more beneficial for you.
Of course the thoughts and actions were detrimental to your recovery.

Additionally, please be careful as to what you post; sometimes you are too graphic and it can be triggerin' for others.

b'hatzlachah

I agree with cordnoy.

Obsessing about the count is "count"erproductive.

I don't disagree with cordnoy and gibbor, but just to help you from your point of view.
When you decided that you are starting 90 days, you probably had in your mind an image of what that meant. You probably had an idea of what is it that you wanted to stop doing and accomplish by the ninety day challenge.
does what you did now contradict that picture, or is it a new issue that you didn't think about when you signed up on the chart?
The answer to that question might help you decide if you are still on the way to ninety days, or if you are starting from scratch.

unanumun wrote:


Nice thoughts (they really are), but I disagree. who cares what you thought the image should look like? just get up, try not to slip that way, and move forward. Perhaps step up the actions a bit!

b'hatzlachah

I agree with Gibbor, cordnoy and unanumun.

If you are keeping your own count, you can decide what you consider a slip or a fall, and the main thing is that you should keep your spirits up and keep on keeping on.

However, if you're using GYE's 90 Day System, I would think that you should go by their rules. In this case, you intentionally started an inappropriate conversation with a woman in order to feed your lust, and I think that would be considered a fall according to GYE's rules.

If you're really afraid that restarting the count for something that came out of left field would put you down in the dumps, and make it harder for you to continue progressing, at least make a condition that if you were to indulge in such a situation again in the future it would be considered a fall.

At the end of the day, it's really not about the count. It's about improving. The count may go back to zero, but the days you were clean do not go to waste. It's a great accomplishment and now it's time to get up and accomplish more.

I hear Skep's point.
It is their rules.
On the other hand, they are meant for us.
It's a good question.

In any event, I would like to petition the rules committee to make the followin' change: Although we are strict regardin' what constitutes a fall; you are the ultimate decider, and if it's beneficial for you to stay on the chart, you may do so (as long as you did not 'really' fall).

Just sayin'....

thank you for all the replies very helpful - I am now on day 88 such a shame to start over I personally believe that from the outset I would also have wanted to avoid "obsessive thoughts" but I would never have got to day one. I decided to go on and appreciate the refocus that the goal is not just to reach 90 but to change!

The slip was very small compared to what I did in the past. At the moment I have made a mjor shift and start focusing on Assay tov rather that zur me ra.

I have been introduced to Dr Yitzhok Silver of the Mir - this has been a life changing event

thank you ago to you all

Dovid