Okay... Just a much needed emotional outburst to liven up my thread...

Thank you, HaShem, for making me a Jew! Thank you!

Great work! Remember to breathe! Relax and enjoy the world. Look at the beautiful trees and blue sky! The flowers! The water or mountains (if you have). Baruch Hashem we are live!

KOL!

I feel on Wednesday, a few hours shy of breaking my 7 day streak. Immediately afterward -- within a few hours -- I came down with a pretty nasty stomach virus. Sufficed to say, I haven't been able to walk around without the room spinning, let alone act out, so a lust relapse might thankfully be a non-issue for the moment. (I know, I know...it's always a possibility, and I'm sure my addict powers could find some latent resolve to act out!)

I did not post on the threads immediately after my fall, and not because of my illness either. I was ashamed, and in addition to falling, I broke a personal commitment to keep my brothers here privy, immediately, of my lapses. I will do my best to not let that happen again.

Anyway, I am determined to continue this journey.

PS Does anyone know if the progress calendar that used to be on the 90-day Journey part of the site is still accessible? I can't find it.

Sorry to hear about your fall, but happy to hear that you're back!!!

That's they key, just keep coming back!! No matter how many times one may fall, if he's still trying, then he's still in the game!!

What can you learn from the fall? Did you notice any physical triggers or emotional triggers? Is there anything you can do to prevent either the triggers or the outcome in the future?

KOT!!! KOMT!!!!

and KOP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thanks, Pidaini! The immediate trigger was just a thought this time, nothing specific. It was, "I have some free alone time soon, why don't I..." However, I was in a bad mood, and I am pretty sure that emotional state precipitated my vulnerability. In fact, I was a downright grouch that morning: irritable, argumentative and intolerant. I keep reading how negativity begets lustful thoughts and actions, and I haven't made the connection to it in my own life until now. I see it, though, pretty clearly. That was the mental state that led to my fall.

that's quite some insight, next question is, can you prevent such emotional states?

For me personally I don't think I can, as a human being, I get into bad moods. which leads to the next question

So what can I do about it? how do I prevent myself from acting out when I'm in a bad mood?

Everyone has to know themselves, but for me, acknowledging the fact that I'm in a bad emotional state, and that therefore my thoughts are going to be all over the place, and verbalizing that to a friend goes a looooooooooong way.

KOT!!!

Great advice, as usual, Pidaini. To my knowledge, I haven't verbalized it yet, so I'll try that. And I think involving a friend, in some way, will go a very long way in staving off another lust fit. I should line up both options now.

Yankel and I have discussed this before (Hi Yankel!!!) and I respectfully disagree. I think we can change our moods. If you want to be happy, then put a smile on your face! That's a little bit of an oversimplification but i found that we are in control and we are able to CHOOSE! We can choose to be happy, loving and we can also choose to be sad and miserable and depressed. Regardless, just pick yourself off and Keep Going! I am sure Yankel and I can both agree on that one

And then there are some people like myself. I keep reminding myself that just because I'm in a bad mood does not mean I have to act out or to lust. Just because the book says so does not mean I have follow the script blindly. Acting out and lusting are no good for me. So just like I am not ready to jump off the roof even though I feel rotten, likewise I am learning that when I'm in a bad mood I don't need to make it worse by allowing lust to take control over my life.

Works for me.

MT

AHHHHH!!!!! What a GEVALDIGGGGE place!!!! Look at how nicely everyone can share what works for them without taking anything personally!!

So that's it, WHATEVER WORKS!!!

and as dms1234 put so simply dms1234 wrote:

Thanks, guys! Eilu v'eilu, each and every one of your great suggestions make perfect sense, and I'm going to integrate them into my approach.

I'm proud to say that I'm still clean, and keeping my over-exuberance of that fact in check. One minute at a time

Still clean...4 days. Haven't had too many temptations, B"H. I'll keep posting.

Still clean...just thinking about making it another day!

congrats on the last few days.
maybe now is a good time to think about prevention.
Do you have a filter on your computer? what are you going to do when the "urge" comes again in the near future (maybe you will have siyaata dishmaya but your track record shows that it will be back soon)
maybe get someone to contact as soon as the next attack starts, so you can nip it in the bud before it is too late.
maybe prepare some other activity to do and put a little hammer and sign that says "in emergency break glass"
hatzlocho, we are all rooting for you.

Good timing, Unanumun. I did fall yesterday, and will be writing about how and why in the next few posts. Filters might have made it made more difficult to act out, but I think I would have found another way. I need to address some very specific behavioral issues, chief among them, negativity and anger/frustration management. But I totally agree about getting someone to contact.