hey guys.im finishing day 1 on my new count.i was thinking that if i dont stop now then when im 20 im still going to be dealing with it.im doing better emotionaly had a nice conversation with my mother about some problems i was having which is s/t i couldnt do b/4. anyway i had a farbrengan tonight and the speaker was saying that the times when ur motivated thats not realy you but the times you have to break yourself those are the times where you realy grow.so chevreh break yourselves. im going to try to call my sponcer tomm.kol tuv in alle inyanim.keep climbing and growing .in baby steps.slowly but surely.

hey e/o.im going to try gye again.i didot do it for the past month.what should my steps be

hey there welcome back I would say
1) guard your eyes like no tomorrow
2) guard your thoughts; with these two things the fights already 50% easier, although granted its not easy to be able to do this but after a week or maybe two ull get used to it and it'll be easier to oust thoughts and/or look away from things that get u aroused.
3) realize that ur a human being and that to have taiva is normal so don't beat urself up for being attracted to someone or having an arousing thought what u should beat urself up about is allowing urslef to lust over those things that's a no no. Period.
4) if u can I know I couldn't maybe only count days for the first few and then stop, I mean u don't have to erase ur account on gye but don't obsessively update it or even post here, sometimes its good to just get this whole parsha out of ur head, of course if u need chisuk then post away but don't stamp post.
Hatzlacha!

Make sure to see the 12 suggestions on the First Time Here page.

Also, check out your Personal Home-page. It will guide you through each tool/task that we suggest, one by one, and help you track your progress in recovery.

Number 4 is kinds tricky, heres what I think...
we always hear that its not about the days, but as struggles we know that the days really can give us chizuk when they add up. inversely when we fall they can be a big block from letting us get back up again, because we just say "eh I messed up today anyway lemme just do it again another few times" and then the next day we say well its only my first day back on the count big deal if I mess up now its not like its breaking a 2 or 3 week streak or anything, and this can go on for ....MONTHS!... so what I meant was, yes a count is good, but only up until a certain point then it becomes an obsession and it diverts us from the real fight, so the way I would do it would be to count for the first while but then after a certain point STOP, and put this whole thing behind us, sometimes we have it in out heads so much that "we are addicts" "we are addicts" that its no surprise we fall, it became our whole lives! We define ourselves as strugglers we don't define ourselves by what we enjoy or our hobbies or our personalities rather we became a "porn problem person" that is now us! Finished.
So when I say put it out of our heads I mean don't become that person that on day 1687 is still counting and obsessing about this whole pasha rather keep the tools you need in mind to battle lust attacks when they come and know that you can't put urself in some situations like watching unclean movies or wtvr and finished. that should be the extent of us thinking about our problem.

A very good point, mr.clean, yet a very thin line, and very difficult to explain.

I, for one, have countless "situations" each day where I need to use tools. Most of which are situations that I cannot avoid, like walking in the street and noticing a skirt. So it may seem that I am obsessing with the problem, but am I really?

As I wrote with my "burn" mashal. If I work in a kitchen and keep on telling my coworker "I can't do this, I can't do that" to protect my burn, am I obsessing over it? No, I'm just being responsible!!

The question is, do I accept it? I can be depressed about it and every time it comes up I will get a little more aggravated....happy life. Or I can accept it, and just live life on my burn's terms!!

makes any sense? did I miss your point?

The burn mashal is that I already have a burn, and I'm trying to make sure that it doesn't get worse i.e. infected, please have a look at the link. I would love to hear what you have to say there as not to highjack IBZ's thread!!

mr.clean wrote:


And I would (humbly) say that without these 2 things we have zero chance of succeeding, and with these 2 things we have 100% chance of succeeding. There is no way you can act out if you're guarding your eyes and your thoughts. And there's no way you can avoid acting out if you don't guard your eyes and your thoughts (see Ohr Hachaim Parshas Acharei).

So B"H we know clearly what we need to do and what we need to avoid.

Hatzlacha

MT

Hi i still cant get back in.Now im a little embarresed to write this but one of my reasons that i want to stop is because because of my very frequent mast. I got wrinkles on my penis.nd every time i want to go to mikva im embarresed that s/o will see it.

Hello!!!!

It's been a while! How's it going? What have you been up too? Anyway you can describe this issue you are dealing with?

Yeah!!

Long time no see!!

What's been cracking?

As long as it's one of the reasons and not the main one, don't think about it too much. We all have some external reasons that we want to stop, the important thing is that the main reason is solid.......

What is the main reason that you want to stop?

Right now that is the main reason.My situation is that i mast. a couple of times a day.I feel like my tavos nashim is very strong.Every time i get an urge i cant control myself

So you want control? You lack the control to stop yourself and that bothers you?

Welcome to the club!!! We all want control but i think we have to realize that we cant control, we aren't in control. This helped me accept my addiction realize i cant do it alone

i honestly dont kno

What are you ready to do about it?

For me to be clean, I have to continuously give up things, rights of mine. I have to give up my right to walk in the street and know everything that's happening around me. I have to give up my rights to mope and be upset about things that didn't/aren't going my way. I have to give up my right to try and think my way out of everything, instead I have to discuss it with others. And many more....

What are you ready to do?