i realy dont understand you.i dont want to act on it bec.its an aveira and for other reasons.why r u teling me to act on it if im not losing anything and keep g d out

what are the other reasons?

and if you don't wanna act out, then don't!

Is the aveirah stoppin' you?

I am askin' these questions to get you to clarify in your mind where you are holdin'.

Is what youre doin' like lashon hara - a bad aveirah true, but is it makin' you miserable?

have a good shabbos

If I may be so bold, I would like to translate cordnoy for you. Cordnoy, if I got anything wrong please correct me.

IBZ, you asked, what is wrong with lusting. Cordnoy is pointing out that if you are still asking the question of what is so bad with lusting then you need to do some more soul searching. If the only reason you think lusting is bad is because it is an aveira, then maybe you missing something. The question cordnoy then asked is, is the aveiros associated with lust on par for you with the aveira of lashon hara? Both are rather serious aveiros that include many lavim. Both are things that are fun to do. However, I would wager that if you decided to stop speaking lashon hara for a period of a week, you could do it, sure you may do it out of habit, but I would also wager, that if you started talking it and then realized your mistake, you would just stop. Now let me ask you doyou think at this point that you can go a week without lust? Do you think even more so, that if you started acting out in that week, you would just be able to stop as soon as you saw your error?
The point in all this is that simply saying that lusting is an aveira is not enough. There are a whole host of problems associated with lust that has nothing to do with the sin and G-d aspect. You have to think hard about what is it that bothers you about lusting other than the aveira, since the aveira is not enough to stop us, then you have to decide that you want to stop.

im geting it.im going to figure out why i dont want to do it in the next few days.thanks for the translation

MBJ: Thank you

Sorry that Im cryptic at times.

IBZ: Good thinkin'....let us know what you come up with.

b'hatzlachah

MBJ wrote:

Lemme just add. If I take upon myself not to speak lashon hara for a week and I slip up. I'm not affected emotionally.

MBJ wrote:



TehillimZugger wrote:



Shivisi responds:
(not disagreeing with the point of your post, as matter of fact I fully agree as I have posted on this exact point quite a number of times in other threads, just making a note to your comparison with Lashon Hora),


More strength unto you MBJ if you feel that you have no problem going for a full week without speaking any Lashon hora.
What I know is, that "shmiras Haloshon" is one of the most challenging jobs there is.
and this brings me to the second note: Again kudos to you if you feel that it can be taken for granted "that if you started talking it and then realized your mistake, you would just stop".
I know, that especially with loshon hara, the Yetzer Hora is always coming up with reasons why "it's not really LH", or "in this case "your allowed (or even obligated) to say it".
Suddenly we're all poskim and "bekiim" in all the heterim of speaking LH.
And this is if we're reminded of the aveira BEFORE we begin saying it, how much more so if we're already into relating the "juicy sccop story", and we "realized [y]our mistake", how much strength it would take us to just stop cold turkey.

TehillimZugger wrote:


And to you TZ I say: I understand if you say to yourself "I shouldn't let it depress me that I didn't make it to the end of my kabala on the first try, and a slip doesn't mean I can't go on, etc. etc. and all the encouraging positive thoughts which you/we all try to give to those who slip here,
But your statement insinuates that your thoughts would be more like "So what??!! Big deal!! Who doesn't speak LH here and there, as matter of fact I'm better than most, at least I made a kabola to try to stop".
Unfortunately the aveira of LH has become so rampant these days that we (yes, I speak of myself too)have become so "complacent" about it that, like you said, "we won't be affected emotionally".
Agreed, this may be an unfortunate consequence of our circumstances, but I still think that we should care about this fact, that we should feel bad for this exact reason, that we won't be affected emotionally, after a slip up of one of the most chomur Aveiros that there is.

fell again.what happened was i got a smal urge but wasnt going to act on it.then i was going to come late to clas.bec.of my social anxiety i was too nervous to walk into class.so i mas.for an hour.now im in bed scared of what my clasmates wil say.

my life really sucks.ive got no friends no confidence and a very low self esteem and a ton of social and emotional issues.now im not trying to vent over here,all i want realy is advice.also where should i start from.i have so many problems i dont know which ones should be dealt with and which ones i should ignore.im going to mention one: sometimes in a conversation il fake myself a certain way and not be myself because im scared the other guy will think that im to quiet.i dont even know my own personality.please post your advice.thanks ibz.

IBZ....I think I wrote this once before.....we are not equipped to offer advice on these issues....that is what professional help is for.

We can tell you: One day at a time.
We can say: KOT!
We can inspire you with brilliant words of Torah (all the talmidei chachamim on this site.
We can dazzle you with graphs and statistics.
We can advise you on which filters to use.
We can prod you to go to an SA meetin'.
We can word da 12 steps with you.

It should be b'hatzlachah

i understand thats what profesional help is for,but maybe someone here had a similer experiance and can give me advice.also if these problems are taken care of.then gye becomes alot easier.also some things i would write here and would not in a milion years acualy tell someone face to fac

ive got to tell you cordnoy that youve opened up my mind to something.im going to have to be open with someone real.u told me my problems needf profecianal hekp whibh im getting.but im not being fully open with him.i relized im going to have to tell my parents realy whats going on and its going to be real hard but its vitaly nececery.

Go for it!!!

Do it!! You can do it with a full heart, knowing that it's the right thing to do, no two ways about it!!

Hashem should help us all see that He is always holding our hands!!

i just learnt s/t very interesting.in this generation the yetzer harah is not the problem ,its us.were lazy.if we would put in our all and take the proper steps the yetzer harah wouldnt iave a chance. yagati umatzasi,tamin.(i worked and i found beleive him)

So true, but what do you do to overcome this lazyness?????

Jung found lazyness one of the mayor problems of neurotics and so on. Anyhow for me the book by Scott Peck The road less traveled (also found on YouTube - audio by the author himself - if you don't have a problem going to YouTube) is what helped me a bit.

It is an interessting topic.

P.S. Have to go and put it into practice...