So...basically the only thing I used on this site was the Chart, and it's worked wonders! I used to be uncontrollable coming home and luring myself to the computer... The chart gave me an actual, seeable goal, so to speak, and whenever temptation came up I just reminded myself what I was part of now, and with that came all the more serious inspirations relating to my status as a Yid. Many times I very successfully brushed off the Yetzer Hara.

But some two months later, I'm on my iPhone (or iPhooey as I've heard some call it) and I'm in the middle of a very difficult period; lack of motivation, depressed here and there, and this lasts about a month or so. At some point I turn to desperate means of satisfying myself, namely fantasy stories and the like, which is far from ideal but I have to admit that it helped me eventually get back on track...except that I remained addicted to this one website...and it is replete with inappropriate pictures. I'm not even sure if some of the time I was more into the pictures or the stories, but I did seem to know without a doubt that it would lead to a Keri Laila the days that I would persist looking at the website.

I wasn't sure if I should call it a fall or not: I was terribly worried that resetting the count would cause me to lose my motivation, especially since one of my greatest sources of inspiration was remembering how far I'd gone so far and how couldn't let mysf reset the count!

Well I kept the count and recently left the website alone, kept up a very successful schedule of Torah which is relatively every good for my situation...and tonight caught myself on some other random website, not bad in and of itself but containing plenty of red lights that *should* have sent me running away. Well I didn't, and my fairly conscious motivation was obvious. A short nap a little bit later took care of the inevitable.

So now my fears are back. The thought of resetting is absolutely horrible to even consider...so proud was I to have gone for this long!!!! What do I do???

Almost... where?

What is the destination that you are seeking?

How about seeking to live each day in the best possible way? Whenever a situation presents itself in which you need to make a choice, how about focusing on making the right one. Then when you're in bed and you review how your day went, you can smile and be happy that you got there, that day.

New day, new journey.

PS. Stories, pictures, movies, chatting, talking, touching/not touching, etc. - it's all the same. Don't fall into the trap of making levels of. "not so bad." As long as you hold onto it in any form, you are feeding it and it will most likely eventually grow.

hi !
i learned in the past thar giving in a little bit can lead to big falls so keep on trucking the harder part your doing already so it shouldnt be hard to keep away from the small triggers keep up the good work.

The chart has limitations.

I hope it works. I rely much more on medicine -- psychologists did not help me with depression over two decades. Effexor did wonders in reducing depression. I am taking licorice root to reduce lust. Maybe I should try the chart.

Welcome Optimistic!!

It's great that you joined the forum!! The chart can be helpful, there are many of us here who have found it to be no where near enough.

From what you describe it sounds like you are white-knuckling, having an urging temptation and fighting with it, and it's great that you are fighting with it, but it seems that you have also realized that it won't last very long.

You have mentioned some mind sets that you were in when you had the urges, "depressed" "lack of motivation", those sound very similar, and I have found that I can minimize those thereby minimizing the strong urge!

What brougt you into that state of depression and lack of motivation, maybe there is something there that you can fix, and then you've fixed the root, making the rest much easier.

Stick around, you're in an understanding community, among friends who are struggling just as you are!!

Keep on Posting, and most of all KEEP ON TRUCKIN!!!

Hey guys...thanks so much for the support. Sorry for the delay in responding, but I only just now found out how I can get back to this post, but I saw every one of your responses and it helped. I went through a very difficult period, on and off, until eventually I realized that I really do have to cut off all the other things, which my yetzer hara was using as tools of getting me around to the back door of lust, through other taavot (fantasy stories to get my "empty-headed," enough to go a bit further, or video games, etc...).

I think the chart was the best thing that I've used so far (each person according to what works for him of course); it gave me something to look forward to, to overcome. But after I reached 90 I fell at some point (extremely surprised me), which is when I wrote this post...My Yetzer hara found a back door =/. So what I need to do now I guess is install filters....so that I won't have the option of even getting to that backdoor, and I can keep distracted and force myself to keep up a daily Torah schedule (I've done it in the past...B"H it's a realistic thing by me).

Thanks for the update!!

Put up those filters, do what you need to do!! BTW, I have found he filters to be a little tricky as well, because they tempt me to find a way around them, even for "clean" things, or just for the kick of it.

What it boils down to is getting into life, starting to enjoy life, to appreciate life, to live in the moment for whatever that moment may be!

Brush off and KOT!!! No reason to get discouraged, life happens, all we need to do is learn from it!!!

Optimistic wrote:



Shivisi responds:
I would like to suggest an idea, which might be a little contrary to what most people might think, but based on your qualms, and on my feelings about the 90 chart,[or more so about day 91! (see link to my my post below * )
It might work for you.
So here goes: Every time you have even slip, you should reset your chart! then you will constantly be "in the game"! you will always have the "thrill of the challenge" to finally finally reach the 90 day goal completely without a mishap!

*(see my post here:
https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/1-Break-Free/231650-OK-90-DAYS--BIG-DEAL!!--SO-WHAT!!!!

I know it's sounds counter productive but its a different angle to your original sucess with the 90 day chart!
who knows, It might even prove to be a success!

[ok guys - please take it easy on me - try not to bash me too hard with your responses]

It's a thought, but I would probably disagree.

Bit too harsh, but somethin' should be done.

thanks

b'hatzlachah to all.

thanks Cordnoy for cutting me some slack there.

[quote="shivisi" post=231697]...
I would like to suggest an idea, which might be a little contrary to what most people might think, but based on your qualms, and on my feelings about the 90 chart,[or more so about day 91! (see link to my my post below * )
It might work for you.
So here goes: Every time you have even slip, you should reset your chart! then you will constantly be "in the game"! you will always have the "thrill of the challenge" to finally finally reach the 90 day goal completely without a mishap!
...[/quote]

I think that's a great idea. Why? Because, after many years of trial and error, I have found that the easiest way to stay clean is to stay totally clean. Slips have a nasty habit of leading to falls. If we avoid slips, we will automatically be protected from falls. If, on the other hand, we decide to tolerate slips, well - where do we draw the line? ("...just a little bit more before I stop...oops! went too far. better luck next time...")

Hatzlacha

MT

Thanx for the vote of confidence MT!
at least one person doesn't think my idea is ridiculous!
(just kidding - I really love all u guys out there!)