I understand you about the lack of a 12 steps group, I have the same problem...
I think the effects of the withdrawal are beginning to make the things more difficult. Don't panic, we all been there.
It's a good thing to talk to Hashem, continue to do it, and to let to Him the battle.

Stay away from Internet or all possibilities to see new pictures ! Because the new pictures will call the old pictures, and then you can entry in a vicious circle.
I also had a difficult day yesterday, and clearly my internet filter saved me from a fall (I configured the filter in a paranoiac mode )

A part to the work is to make the difference between the lust desire of porn, and the desire to be intimate with our wife : the first is an addict problem, the second is a mitsvoh. But, with porn, all is confused in our mind...
It's a big mental work to separate the two.

You can contact me if you want, I sent you a private message.

Fall ... And here I finally fall , earlier than expected. I felt it coming for several days from the time I started to say that I walked into the unknown , the joy of being sober is a party. And suddenly, every moment became a struggle, in which prayer was not enough . I was less strict about the "soft" images seen in the media, less strict in my thoughts. Especially I felt lost without this joy, stress, internal stress is mounted; commançait back the urge to masturbate , first very short way . I thought I could master ...
I did in the space of two days two erotic dreams , which bothered me a lot , because even if they are the fruit of my desires, I felt like I was suffering another attack . I got up , obviously I managed to find the filter code ipad, and I fell .
I am very angry against myself. And helpless because I do not know how to face it again , I may have a few days of respite , but how to find the joy constantly , which helped me in everything?
Here , I have to confess that tomorrow my wife to suggest him to change the codes. A little more in my humiliation ... Oy ..
Help, dear friends, Help ...

New day.

I go back to 0. At least yesterday I confessed to my wife for the "hacking" the code ...
I feel a difference with before, the previous day, I was nervous and irritable. It was basically not the very strong feeling that I want to, but need to lower my nervous tension by lust.
The problem is that I try to fight lust. I think he would have rather I try everything there is other life in the lust to ease my tension and be happy.

hi simon your story is amazing and your great!!!! keep on trying over and over remember that years of addiction take some time to heal this is part of it even if you fell if you keep on trying your in a better place then you ever were . so keep strong and keep on praying and gourd your eyes etc. remember avraham was 99 when he became complete.

Here I am again after a difficult weekend .
As often relapse leads to another . I take my way yesterday.
Why am I down? I struggled to understand. Maybe because I was feeling dizzy before the new , the unexpected sobriety, a fear of moving into uncharted territory . Maybe, but the answer seems incomplete , and especially does not help me at all .
So I took the 12 steps . Why is everything " Hesed " in these steps seems unnecessary or inappropriate ? Why I do not understand the interest of the " repair " to others?
And I just read a great post on the forum, which compares our " want " lust to an indicator light : when the urge comes, is that it is the witness of irritation , agitation and discontent. In retrospect , yes , obviously, I was restless and unhappy : irritating work too unhappy to have too little time for me .... etc. This is the key problem. The experience of the 12 steps, spiritual change , I 'm still not going to do it right. I try to do as I wanted . So I'm wrong.
Of course , I can see where I am . 4 months without prostitutes while I was addicted for 3 years ! Virtually no porn, periods of sobriety 14 days or more as I did not want more than 2 days. Great. But I felt that I still had the key to the true simplicity, the one that we do not expect the next period when the desire comes with anxiety. Sobriety I want is serenity, release, and how to approach the next time a desire arises. What I have to look not only sobriety, but just a new spiritual path in which I have become better. I must refuse to say I have a fault, but I'll keep it because it has no connection. All my faults are related more or less with lust. So I have, if I am aware of a defect in particular, the work and improve it.
I begin to understand why some "old" SA say it's a chance to have this addiction.

Exactly, this is THE solution.

The desire of lust is not the essential problem: it's a symptom !
We must work on ourselves to become better men, and to work on our middos : this is the path to the recovery.

You have done a big work, and you are beginning the work to achieve a truly recovery.

I am doing the same work actually : it's not easy, but it is very important. And I try to progress every day. Every little step is important.

Keep the good work, Hachem will help you a lot in this path

again a fall
too much stress… It s difficult to resist to a physical feeling.
i m surprised to feel less lust but always a physical need to masturbate when stress; WITHOUT LUST SOMETIMES.
It s strange and I don t know how to fight against that

I just wanted to say i m disappointed that, excepted David 26, I don t have many help or advises of other man in the site...
My question is : i feel less desire , but I sometimes feel a physical feeling.
If you want to read it…

a good week and a good time
I don't feel desire and I make all what I can to guard my eyes.
Paradox: I'm afraid to have intimity with my wife, because it can make the desire increase in me, and for the moment I can't make the difference between this good desire and a bad desire; that means in my precedent falls, it was after intimity, in the day the desire was bigger than before.
Ideas for me or I keep on alone ?
thanks, hanouka sameah!!

I am sorry I didn't welcome you before.
I myself was kinda laying low.
I read through your thread, but I do not understand completely.
did you tell your wife about prostitutes and bars?
how was your marriage?
how is your marriage?
have you opened up to anyone else besides your wife?
what was your wife's reaction to all of this?
if computer is a trigger, you must install filter that can't be broken.
ultimately it is up to you; not anyone else.

you can read my story here:

guardyoureyes.com/forum/17-Balei-Battims-Forum/210070-Mikvah-Night---Prelude-to-7th-Edition

b'hatzlachah to you and to us!

simontechouva wrote:
You should relativize all these stressful moments...
All come from Hachem, all is for the good : internalize this is a big part of our job to stay sober.

Keep up ! The road is long and paved with obstacles, but you will succeed and a sunny horizon is at the end

Yes, I confessed to my wife for bars and prostitutes.
Gradually, I unveiled the extent of the problem . She doubted it. She has not made ​​her angry , but put me face what I was : all that was wrong with me since the beginning of our marriage came back to me in the face. She seemed more concerned about addiction to porn sites , and my character full of anger and resentment for her, prostitutes were the conclusion of it .
After this confession , I had great difficulty I have worked hard on my character, but my yetzer Ara told me : you make an effort , so you have the right to a reward… (you understand what i mean , so I tried to fight , but sank further in porn, and prostitutes , so I hid my relapse once she found me watching a movie at noon , the absolute shame. She really yelled at me and threatened . But it did not matter . But this summer , I hit rock bottom, and was going crazy , it was after this that Hashem made ​​me discover the GYE site. So I pressed a full confession . After the holidays , I started to struggle, I was wrong, but no longer fell for prostitutes . In fact GYE since I'm not fallen for it. I put filters everywhere, my wife has all the codes. And I fall less for porn, first because I no more access, but I realized that I had hardly ever watch TV or movies, always dangerous, I pay attention to places Release. I exchange completely. I feel a miracle take place in me. I do not have the chance to have access to a group of 12 steps but try to work and integrate. I expect my emails GYE forward to every morning. I talk about it to my wife at every opportunity. We must believe in miracles ... Happy Hanukkah.

although I don't fully understand...like what is the resentment for her about?
marriage is not good?
how is intimacy?
it sounds like after everything your wife is supporting you
do you have children?

you ended off your confession in a positive note, so keep up the good work.
it still does sound that you need to open up to a real outsider, but in the meantime...hatzlachah

Welcome Simon, missed this thread somehow. sorry.

Sounds like you are trying hard to find a solution.

I can relate to what you wrote about not wanting to have intamicy because it heightens my desire. every situation is different, but just the fact that you don't trust yourself is a very good sign, that feeling is what keeps me on guard at all times to check and recheck if I am lusting or not.

KUTGW!! KOMT!!

It is difficult to define the problem . I was immature at the beginning of marriage, and elements of my childhood probably contributed to it all ...
What is certain is that the "medicine" of pornography has aggravated all my problems : it has distorted my view of sexuality , so the way I behaved in the privacy was bad for my wife. This has created a lot of pain . But there were other problems ...
However, during my long most horrible period ( prostituées. ..) , I was like cold pendnat privacy, but not asking for anything . This coldness was a kind of false peace . Of course it was not appropriate either.
It is only recently that I started after stopping all this dirt , trying to behave myself in private, like a man. It's not perfect but it's better .
In fact, I feel that something has to help me recently : follow halakha , ie have privacy in complete darkness . I do not know why, but I feel that it helped me to distinguish love bad sex.