Dear friends
I discovered the site in July . I live in Europe, I am 35 years old and live in a place where there is no 12-step group . Let me tell you my story.
For a long time I realized that I was addicted . However, I could not find a way to get out , and frankly , I think I do not want to. Probably because I felt that without my addiction , I will no longer support or assistance when I lived a difficult situation.
I am addict since childhood. I do not come from a religious background , and during adolescence did not feel not the problem of masturbation as a fault, at most, a weakness. I got married young , at age 22 , and tried to do teshuva . I thought marriage would fix everything . Big mistake . While so far, my addiction would just masturbation and media files, the time of my marriage, the birth of the Internet, was a catastrophe on this point.
After three weeks of marriage I returned to my addiction with tremendous guilt and more . It got worse as you go. My wife doubted more or less, and our relationship was not happy . To make matters worse , we had a lot of family problems and not always nice people around us so many reasons for me to bury myself in the addiction. I continued my studies, the difficulty still offered me an opportunity to justify my addiction.
I crossed several steps addiction daily , sometimes more , internet, film. Then bad bars. Then prostitutes. Nightmare.
I confessed everything to my wife, without arriving at stop. I looked shrinks . It was a weird time. I could make a change in attitude , become a better husband. But I sank more and more into addiction . Again, the provision so hard to have a better character with my wife offered my addiction the opportunity to take over .

Hi simon,

Here is a great place to start. Check out all the resources and use them. The phone conferences are also helpful.
Best of luck!

I continue my story.
IN the early summer, I was on the verge of schizophrenia: my deep desire was to make teshuva, but I was more addicted.
The day of fasting, or the next great religious events, I chutais as I had never dropped. I hit the bottom. That's when I found GYE site.
I have read, and especially read the stories of all of you. I wanted to start. A new start.
The summer holidays were the occasion. They were very difficult, but I kept for 3 weeks. I had at the time not including the 12 steps, so I was struggling, but this success gave me hope.
Yet I felt again after the holidays.
But I made a promise, and my wife, who had shown great patience: no more prostitute, and a real fight against all pornographic materials.
So I started to install filters everywhere. They were not perfect. But at least in my work, I was more tempted. I also took the decision much less watch TV. Control the movies I went to see. Especially to make a real effort to keep my eyes and then my thoughts.
I worked the 12 steps, but alone, with no group to me and do not speak English. But I think I understood at least the first two, letting go, and the importance of prayer.
I could have periods of abstinence a week. Not huge, yes, but that seemed correct to me compared to my old addiction.
I recently noticed that it was four months I did not see any prostitutes, which had not happened since the moment I unfortunately fell the first time. And this effect therefore speaks GYE of 90 days, I felt and feel: the desire seems to have disappeared.
So I redoubalis vigilance for everything to control my view, in the street, at work , always decrease the TV. Do not show pornography. Having seen the effect of 90 days on a part of my addiction , I began to believe in their effect on the other party so I start my real last week starting 90 days without masturbation or any pornographic media.
I pray several times a day Hashem to help me. I realize that I am become a man , a human being. My wife has been amazing and my love for her has never been greater. I fear , however , especially in the intimacy that awakens desires of lust. I still do not know the difference when I took these desires in intimacy. I count on your experiences .
But I will succeed bezrat hashem , and would keep you informed , if possible regularly.
Any full week just happened to me, no masturbation, no temptation. It seems a miracle. I ask Hashem to succeed. I know that being alone and not having the possibility of the 12 steps in a group, it will be difficult . But having no choice , I must do so. I count at least on the forum and your help to understand what I can not understand with group of 12 steps. Thank you for your support, dear warriors of Israel.

wow wow wow
amazing story
gives us all a push to follow u
lets not forget
הבא לטהר מסייעין לו

Hi SimonTechouva!

Wow i am new here and after only 16 days clean posting for the first time because
I like you was not raised religious and only saw this addiction as a popular weakness
With no lasting long term effects like alcohol or drugs. Well i think we both know
That the effects are indeed lasting and highly destructive. I just felt
Proud of you for some reason after reading your post so i
Wanted to write. I am only 16 days clean but BH my gates
Of protection will only grow stronger. You (and I) are lucky that
Our wives still want us to be the men they expected when they stood under
The Chupa. I am happy to hear about some of the rewards you are already
Starting to see in this world, nevertheless in the World to Come.
May we merit complete tshuva from this nisayon and may our children be raised
With purity, torah, and maasim tovim.

what i discover every day, it's how much we are happy without luxury and lust. How much all my days with my wife and my children, how much my work, how much my prayers and my study are different, so good and so better than before.
Lust and luxury are a death.
Guar our eyes are Life.

WELCOME simontechouva and derechofpurity613!

Hatzlacha on your journeys.

Keep us posted!

simontechouva wrote:

Hi Simon and welcome,

it is wonderful to see your progress. May HaShem grant you sobriety, one day at a time.

I just wanted to point out that the desire NEVER disappears. At times it is more active than others, but it never goes away.

I am not saying this to dishearten you. I am telling you this because for me as long as I remember this, I have a chance of remaining sober; I admit I am powerless on my own and ask HaShem to grant me sobriety and sanity, one day at a time.

The day I (choose to) forget this and think that the desire has left me or that i have overcome it, is the day i will fall; as has been the case so many times in the past.

May HaShem grant us a sober and sane day.

it's true, i feel that on this morning. I'm afraid because the sensation was gone tip 8 days.
Ok, no problem. I ask help to Hashem, I speak with my wife and I write here.
The bad feeling will go.
To be continue

Welcome to GYE, simontechouva !

Your story touched me a lot ! It has given much 'hizuk to me... (I am also married with children)
Your story is so amazing, Hachem loves you a lot, and He see all the efforts and the progress you have done in the last months : it's so unvaluable!

The life is so different without lust, all has a different taste...

Hachem will help you to continue, and to stay clean.
Behatslacha !

Summary of the day:
The lift was difficult , with the first several days of bad thoughts and desires , far from depressing , I immediately asked for help to Hashem , in the morning , several times a day , I felt that I need this morning to stay close to my family and pray that only "pretend" to go and pray with the tsibbour . I felt the calming : I must try to be a man before a good Jew , one has no meaning without the other.
The work day went well , one or two bad thoughts quickly expelled , and finally at the end of the day the happiness of having completed one more day without lust.
Maybe cravings never disappear , but the feeling that there is a greater source of joy in life these horrors of pornography, that I assure you , it disappears when you struggle. That's when I had noticed in the past that only lust was pleasant to me , I realized how much I had fallen down, down a man . But , and it should be a source of hope to force accorcher me to fight and seek the help of Hashem , constantly , every moment that I realized that this feeling disappears : now I know my only source of happiness is the absence of lust. It is a feeling Wonderland.
I read at the end of the parsha Vayera that Abraham received the command of the Millah, 99 years is not that amazing? Should he wait so long to introduce him to the mitzvah of the highest importance? Rashi tells us that Abraham had taken 99 years to become a perfect man, once achieved this goal, he could become a perfect Jewish ... it reminds me a lot towards the 12 steps: be of good above all men, and for this humility, with Hashem and abandonment of lust.
See you tomorrow dear friends warriors!

Another day of sobriety
Today I went to the movies. The last time that I had dropped because obviously there was a very explicit scene . This time, we have carefully chosen the film. No bad scene . Finally nevertheless there is always something. But while the last time I did not turned my gaze, this time, even during the film, I looked away and talked to my wife every time that seemed a trap.
You tell me, so do not go to the movies . Yes . But go too fast in the teshuva is a good argument for the yetzer Ara to fall. I prefer to choose better , behave better , protect my eyes , even out of the film if it is too bad.
I 'm really happy with this progress . Envy is less strong, but this , but I call Hashem with every moment . 10 days of sobriety during intensive work and stress, it never happened. Hashem helps you all . A tomorrow expensive fighters.

Very impressing

I am agree with you that the principal work is to become a man, and to accept the reality.
When we accept the reality, when we realize that all the things in life come from Hachem and all the things He sends to us are always for the good, when we succeed to stand, then we have achieved a great goal in our mission...

I understand you about the movies. Be very careful about the movies, because this can lead fast to a fall, especially if it's a bit romantic or with a very sympathic girl, without explicit scenes... I talk by experience.

Hashem loves you much for all your efforts : 10 days of sobriety, and you managed to say no the Yetser Hara all this time ! Imagine what is the value of one "no" to the Yetser hara !

Keep the good work, courage my friend...

Difficult day yesterday ...
In the morning, I was bombarded with evil thoughts of the old images are projected in front of me. I prayed hard, very hard, "Hashem, fight for me." I was a little confused by the influx of images put my thoughts before my eyes. At the same time I expected, because I go into unknown lands of sobriety. I asked many, many times a day. When I see what kind of day the lack of not having a group of 12 steps, because I would have loved called friends or otherwise. Prayer is my only refuge. But it is effective. I also cling to a sense of the joy of being sober, very powerful, I know how it would make me sad to adopt a bad attitude.
Difficult but informative day
See you tomorrow friends.

it's not going very well there.
Not a real relapse, but not far . Even with a filter on the internet, you can search for images not porn but not good either .
To be honest, I feel that when my brain reminds me of my old images of lust , is that I want to lust image search is the result .
So I feel like , yeah, been there yesterday, as the desire had been dead for 10 days, I feel , yet I'm afraid in those moments to approach my wife , because I do not want more confuse lust and love in the couple. When I took it for a sense of love, I feel the difference. That's when I 'm in the mood of lust that I can not cope .
Similarly, I do not understand step 4 of the 12 steps , I feel that in the past, it is because I was too nice to people , doing what I thought be of Chesed , I got screwed , that disappointment in return , plus my wife wanted me not to see the true face of people and neglect . So I do not understand how this step 4 of Chesed disinterested, can help me.
Sorry, it's rough , but I'm a bit of a stalemate here . And I 'm 12 days. And I do not want to fall ... Help me dear friends.