The 90 day chart is not a substitute for recovery. It's more like a jump start. If you do not take recovery actions during the 90 days, the 90 days will just serve as a temporary distraction from real recovery.

day 1:

From now on I will try to post every time I sit down in front of a computer. I feel like I have moved up a level in addiction. Its kind of scary, but I need to try harder.

KOT!!!

What does "trying harder" mean?

Thanks for the encouragement dudes:
I WILL not fall today. Thats all that really matters. After all, I think its quite clear that this is one of my purposes in life. THe struggle and the urge are so crazy. But when I realize that this test is my very essence, I feel like I can do it. Of course I can do it. Otherwise Hashem wouldn't have given me this test!!!

YEA

I JUSt fell:(
This is the third day in a row!
THe first day made me fall the second day which made me fall today.

Heres what happened:
I was in the shower. I started to think of stuff I saw today and yesterday when I fell. I started to touch myself. "Just a little" my YH told me. OH I fell right into his trap, and he had me convinced that it was worth it.
At least, I didn't look at p--n. I didn't feel OK with it afterwards.
I am an addict. I admit it. I am sick. I really don't want this garbage, but I've made it into a part of me. HOW DO I GET IT TO LEAVE?
RIght when I think I'm doing great, and that today is a no brainer, I fall.
THe YH is sooo much stronger than me.
I need HAshem's help and I know it. But how do I tap into that source? I can't concentrate in davening, and nothing I do is fullhearted!
I want to win, but I need tp bounce back first. Every time I say that this was the last time, a part of me knows that thats not true. I honestly need something to show me that I CAN do it.

Sorry to hear

But you have an opportunity now that will (hopefully) never come again. You have the opportunity to get up when you are down.

There are nitzotzos that are stuck and can only be "redeemed" when someone who had a yeridah and get up.

They need you!

-Eli

As others here will say, don't let it get you down... pick yourself up and KOT (that's "keep on truckin'" for those, like me, who took about 20 times seeing that before figuring out what it meant).

One thing I have to keep reminding myself is *not* to get too absorbed into *myself* with this challenge... yes, we're all trying to improve ourselves... but that effort must not come at the expense of blocking out the bigger picture... I have a responsibility to my wife, kids, the Jewish people as a whole, and last (but certainly not least) HKBH... ok, I also have to be careful about putting too much pressure on myself with this - maybe just wife/kids will do for now... but, be that as it may, I must make sure not get stuck inside myself... because that sets me up for worse.

Hatzlacha rabba... hope today is a clean day for you and for all of us.

Dearest fellow struggler,

you ask "how do I get it to leave?", I ask you, what if it's not going to? (which is likely the case, at least for a nice long time) We need to learn what to do even when it IS there.

You write "I need HAshem's help and I know it. But how do I tap into that source?....I honestly need something to show me that I CAN do it."

If you show yourself that you can do it, why should you need Hashem's help?

I think the way to tap into the source of Hashem's help is by realizing that that is the only hope I have. To realize that I cannot trust myself.

Have you opened up to anyone real yet? That is a great way to really internalize that we have a massive problem, until then it is still only in ourselves and it is very dificult to attend to.It is also a way to catch ourselves if we see that we are headed towards fantasy land.

So get up, stand strong, and change what you have been doing until now, because it hasn't worked. As Dov wrote "nothing changes if everything stays the same".

You are worth it brother!!

Hi LEARNING,

Do you have access to the chat feature on this site?
I'd love to talk with you.

DAY 1 (+ idk know how many "battle scars")

SKeptical: I think so
I am so uplifted by this forum.
Today I noticed a lot about the things going on around me. So many little things have the power to build up and hurt me. I just need to think about how painful the fall is. It really does sting more than it feels good.
I can still fell the pain from falling so many times. Its something that will never leave me if I think about it.

Day 2

I gotta go so I'll make this quick. I almost fell but I was able to get out of the situation thank God.
I forgot to post and I was already in the shower. You know the rest of the story. It was way too close.
I'm not bona let this effect me.

i am trying to get rid of all the loopholes i keep finding.
I fell in the past two days twice because I have not been posting etc. and I am finding myself alone with internet access

LEARNING


Why did you really fall?

It wasn't the internet that made you fall, and the lack of posting is a symptom of falling, not the cause.

I never see you on the chat system. Do you have it disabled or did you maybe not sign up for it?

Hey Learning,

I am on the same page as you. I fell today, and before today many times. It's the worst feeling afterwards. I haven't posted because even though I am completely Anonymous on this site, I feel guilt and am scared to post. I'm going to make an effort to post every single day from now on. Iy"H I can do it. Lets finish this together. 90 days is our goal, but lets take it one day at a time. As they say, a journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. I have confidence in both of us.

Welcome TTA!!

As you have written, it is hard to open up, it brings the problem into reality, forces us to look at it straight in the eye. It's an awesome first step, congragulations!!!

Is there anything else you are planning to do to stop? (also what are you trying to stop?)

KUTGW!!!! KOT!!!