It's great that the first thing you are doing is figuring out why you fell.

Realizing that the main battle has to be long before the fall, rather by the slightest triggers, is still fresh by me. It's taking time, but I know that that is where it's at. If I am at the point of wanting to fall already, I'm almost as good as fallen.

Raising the bottom, marking a new red line is very important.

Just another point, I found it very dificult to change the way I davened, if my heart wasn't in it what could I do? and it got me very frustrated. What has been helping is talking to Hashem in my own words at random times. Taking a very few minutes to go somewhere where I won't be disturbed by onlookers and just talking my heart out, the more I do that the more I find my davening becomes better. Just my experience, take it or leave it

The main point is KUTGW!!! You're on the right path!!!

KOT!!! KOMT!!!!

ה' עמך גבור החיל
keep it up
focus on a day at a time
helps by me

Day 1
THanks guys.
I had a sort of frightening day.
This was good. It really woke me up, an reminded me that I'm an addicted. I "woke up" at least 3 times today.
I thought about my fall a lot, and realized that I really have to change my whole mindset. I can't even think for one second that its even a little ok to lust. THe reason for this is because like many addicts, I get triggered by the smallest things, and then its practically over.

Hey,

I saw this post and I thought it was a great idea. Do you mind if I join to in my journey to cleanliness? We're pretty much on the same schedule. I feel like having someone do this journey with me will make it much easier to breaking the habit. Let me know, please.

LEARNING wrote:

This is an awesome post... your mindset is spot on... we always have to be on guard! KOT and have a great Shabbos!

Day 4:

TryTryAgain: I think that that would be awesome and really helpful on both our journeys. How would you want to do this though?

Anyways, I was feeling really weak, and decided that I wouldn't fall unless I posted on the forum, so here I am.
I want to stay clean today but the urge is really strong!
I had a hashkafa class, and we talked about some sensitive stuff, so my mind started to wander. WOw I am really sick to get triggered by such subtle stuff!

I posted
I thought I was safe
That was my mistake

I just fell. I really know I can get back up, but I'm not sure how long that would last. I think that this happened becuase I lost my guard but didn't realize it. Even the smallest thing sets me off. I need to maintain my efforts in this area. I slack off WAY too easily. I need to help others more. I need to get past this step and make a legit effort!
Tomorrow is day 1

Chaver, Are you saying you having made a legitimate effort? That sounds absurd for a guy reading your thread.

It's not possible to not get triggered, we need to be able to have ways to stay in real life. Being able to talk to real (safe) people is one of the best ways I've experienced. Telling them that I am being pulled towards lala land, and bringing myself back into the present.

it's a commitment, not so much the effort, that makes it or breaks it. A proclomation to ourselves that I am ready to live without this stuff is really what I needed.

Fell shmell!! just KOT and KUTGW!!!!!!

I think that 90 days may be a lttle bit of a lofty goal for me. I want to try 1 week clean and work my way up from there. Please tell me if this is a bad idea

How about just staying clean right now. Lather, rinse, repeat.

KOMT!!

Try one day at a time, with or without a 90 day chart. I never thought that I could be one week clean, but with the help of the chevra and the wonderful emails, I am 94 days clean, and I feel so much more positive about everything.

Learning: I'm not quite sure. To start, it's helpful knowing that someone is going along on the same journey as I am. Everyday we can post to update our status and keep motivating each other by seeing who gets to 90 days first. I know I don't want to lose so if it's a competition then I will try THAT much harder to win. Let me know if you have any ideas.

TryTryAgain that sounds really good.
Lets try (no pun intended) it out.

The chart is certainly helpful in the sense of Kinas Sofrim Marbeh Chachmah. However, some of us can get motivated and inspired just by reading the emails and offering their own advice and insight as well.

Awesome! I have to update my chart (being that this is the first time I'm on the site since Thursday and make it that today is my 2nd full day clean. Iy"h both of us will be able to keep it up!