TryTryAgain: That's awesome! I can tell that you are proud of yourself. I just want o let you know that I had some of my worst falls when I was feeling highest. Beware at all times. We're with you every step of the way. I know you can do it! If you feel an urge just think of this forum and your ultimate goal.

Today was a busy day borsch Hashem. I almost forgot to post, but remembered before going to bed. I haven't had any major urges for a while. This is partly because I made a hard decision to dump my smart phone. Boy was it the right choice! I have a little fear though because I know that if I really wanted, I can access p**n. I must keep myself strong and remember that even wanting to look is bad for everyone.

LEARNING wrote:
MAZAL TOV! Owning a dumb phone is the smartest thing you could do

Ok. I fell.
The reason: I was home ALONE!! and my computer doesn't exactly have a filter (Its new)
It was a fall, yet I know that I'm headed in the right direction now. 5 days! That's my new record to beat. It is a relief to know that I was clean for that long.
I wasn't feeling in the danger zone the whole day, but right when I stepped into a room by myself, I could not resist. I basically thought that it was being handed to me and "how can I not take this chance? It doesn't happen that often that I'm alone!" I need to learn to control my lust addiction, even when I'm only battling myself.

Last week, I was home alone, but thanks to the chevra here, I was able to stay clean. Once you realize that porn and masturbation are only subsitutes for physical intimacy with your Eshes Chayil, and mask issues rooted in a lack of emotional intimacy, I think that you will realize that porn and masturbation reduce your normal desire to be physically intimate with your wife.

LEARNING wrote:


You cannot learn to control it if deep down you think this is the best stuff in your life. You don't desire something and then control it! You have to see the object of desire differently, so that you don't desire it. The desire is an inevitable consequence of how you view the thing you desire. If deep down you think that the reward for your good behavior is paid in olam ha-ba, and the bad guys in this life have all the fun, you are going to cherish these little moments when you can finally throw off the yoke of being a good boy and have some fun. Then you are going to do porn for ten minutes and then feel bad about it for the next three days. Over and over again.

The reality is that it's not as it seems, the good guys also have the best life in this world and in olam ha-ba, because the achievements and the pleasures of the bad guys are empty and sterile. There is nothing new under the Sun, Torah and mitzvos are the whole of man (wife, children, work, davening, learning ..) But you don't see that yet, you don't agree. Your duty then is to investigate and ponder whether porn and masturbation are the best for you, as a way of life, and when you do that you will inevitably find that they are not.

You probably also have a deep-seated and uncomfortable belief that you are doomed to always having an overwhelming desire. You believe that like you believe that things fall to the ground.

I can help you if you give me a few days' time.

Or if you prefer a different approach make up your mind that you are doomed to lust and give it up to Hashem. And call somebody, do the program. If you are alone in a room you can use it to watch porn undisturbed but you can use it to call someone too.

I'm sorry ploni, didn't you mention that you'd keep your method in your own threads?

ploni.almoni@gmx.com wrote:



Did LEARNING ever mention anything about olam haba?

We all know that we don't want porn and masturbation in our lives, and that it is not good for us even in this world, the problem is when we don't see that and the desire is stronger than our logic, it is then that we cannot trust ourselves for at that time it seems to us that we do indeed want that (as the "90,000 reasons to say NO" has proven), it is then that we need to turn to someone outside ourselves, to a friend and to Hashem to help us be able to see the truth. It is for those times that we need something else than our own thinking.

ploni.almoni@gmx.com wrote:


You can help him in a few days, when you have not been able to help yourself for more than 3 months at a time?! Why offer something to an innocent person when you cannot vouch for it and prove that it works? Why not let him discover what Dov has discovered, and let the poor man be clean for the rest of his life?

ploni.almoni@gmx.com wrote:


Giving up to Hashem is purest Yiddishkeit, even if you don't want to use it as a method to keep clean, it is the truth of life. Hashem runs every single nuance in the world, there is no way you can run away from it!

One can deny that fact, and hide from it, and pretend that everything is in his control and a consenquence of his actions, but fact remains fact that it is all in Hashem's control.

ploni.almoni@gmx.com wrote:


Do you mean the 12 step program?

If you do, I think that would be somewhat discouraging to tell that to someone who wants to keep clean through this method. And if I'm not mistaken, your method has allowed you (and even encouraged you, as you wrote you would make the same choice again) to fall as well.

I would like to ask you to please continue only mentioning your method in your own threads.

Pidaini, I am not even reading your post, because you already showed me that you don't value my views.

Just remember that nobody can make you angry, you can only get angry because of what you think.

Different things work for different people. Their is no right or wrong way. For Person A, a good mussur shiur will help him break free, but for Person B, seeing it as a challenge will do it.

B"H every human being is different. Learning is looking for different methods to help himself break free. Help him by supporting him and giving him advice, but lets not bring negativity into his thread. It is very unnecessary.

I don't mean to sound like I run the show or anything of the sort, but it's stuff like that that might turn someone off to this site.

Stay positive please, thank you.

On a different note, part of what is keeping me going is the fact that I challenged Learning to a race of getting to 90 days first, which is why I post updates in his thread (I wouldn't post to "steal his thunder" Cv"S).

Right now, I'm closing in on my 7th straight clean! This is my longest streak in over a year! I don't know exactly what happened, but today, when I had thoughts or feelings (3 times) that usually caused me to fall, I either closed my computer or watched sports instead of looking at inappropriate sites or pictures.

I think the reason is really split into 3.

1) The previously mentioned challenge that I sent to Learning. I'm very competitive and I want to "win". Obviously I don't want the "win" at the hands of Learning falling, I want him to "win" with me!

2) Sometimes when I want to stop a bad habit, something in my brain "clicks" and I stop. It isn't necessarily voluntary because otherwise I would've stopped a while ago, but I know that for years I tried to stop biting my nails (which isn't on the same level, but it is a very difficult habit to stop), but to no avail. Finally, sometime this past year, I just decided to stop and surprisingly I haven't bitten my nails in almost 9 months! Hopefully this is the same!

3) Most of you probably won't like this reason, but I feel like it is a factor. Their is a girl who I am very close with and can honestly see myself marrying. I know marriage is right around the corner and whenever I talk to her I see it looming over my head. In light of this, I don't want to go into marriage with this addiction because I read a lot on these forums about how this addiction hurts their spouses, and I definitely don't want to hurt this girl in any way!

As I said in my previous post, what works for one person might not work for another one, but this is what I feel is helping me, and just might work for you. No method is foolproof. Everything is trial and error.

Anyway, I would love to hear feedback if you guys don't mind. Let me know what you think!

P.S. Learning, You did a huge thing by throwing away your smartphone! That is a level I can't see myself reaching! Kol HaKaovod!

Hey Dudes,

You guys ALL help me. Every single post is special to me and keeps me going. Even if we don't necesarilly agree with one another, we need to see that we are all in this TOGETHER.
TryTryAgain:I realized that the smartphone just was not working. It was very hard but it had to be done, and baruch Hashem, I feel so much stronger without it. If you can't dump your's try to make a neder not to use it at home or something.
You clearly have a clear mindset and seem strong. I hope for the best. Let's do this together!
I did something kind of different this motzei shabbat. I got out of the house. I lowered the risk of falling by a lot. When I actually contact the real world and don't just hide in a house, I feel much more free.
I pray for all of you on this forum. We are all in the same fight for freedom and Mashiach.

Learning,

It's not so much about being against not having a smartphone, it is just that it is difficult for me not to have one. Last yer, I went without having a smartphone. In a sense it was good because I had a life, but I felt somewhat disconnected. I am not the type of person who can't live without my phone, or is on it 23/6, but having the world at my fingertips just makes me feel more "secure".

However, the fact that you dumped your smartphone is HUGE! I believe that you can do anything if you can dump it! I am incredibly impressed. It's truly amazing!

Regarding the point that you made about going out on Motzei Shabbos: I find that going out prevents falls, too. Try to go out more often. Don't go to places that may make you fall as soon as you get home, but hangout with friends, get pizza, go to somebody's house, etc. Things that aren't good include going to a "bad" movie or going to the beach. And if their are females that aren't dressed appropriately, look the other way. A trick that works for me when they aren't dressed right, is just keep my eyes bouncing. Don't stare at one spot because the spot you will stare at will not be the appropriate one.

Keep up the good work though. I can't wait to hit 90 with you in February!

Thanks for all the help.
TryTryAgain: We are going to do this. I can just feel it.
If you cannot get rid of your phone, maybe just try not to use it alone, or at home (where you are more likely to fall). Phone in bathroom or in a room alone is arecipe for disaster. You might think that it's OK etc. This is your YH!
I feel that keeping busy helps me SO much. I've been so busy the past two days, I have not even gotten a chance to post!
Hobbies also help.

Let's do this one day at a time!

B"H! Just as you said, take it one day at a time. If you try to grab too much like 90 days at one shot, you will fail because it isn't possible. It says in Gemara, Mesechet Succah, If you try to grab too much you won't get any. Don't grab too much. Just today. Tomorrow you will grab tomorrow. Good job!

Excellent post! Some people react well to Mussar, while others view the challenge as their life long mission. The latter, together with the Pilpul Chaverim on this site, and the emotional intimacy with my Eshes Chayil are my best weapons in this life long struggle.

Weekends area problem for me. I fell twice. Once on friday and once on Sunday. I honestly need to believe in myself. I KNOW that I can do it!
If I don't learn from my falls, then they really were pointless. However, If I see my mistakes, make amends and move on, the fall even helps me.