Dov, Thanks so much that was awesome...... I mean the fact that you actually edited your post...and twice!!

Can I add a vort from the Shach this week that hit me like a ton of bricks, just that point of not really being ready to give "it" (whatever that be) up.

The Shach al Hatorah explains tha Pasuk "

He says that if we forgo the money that we lent, on shemitah, then Hashem will bless us "in the land" that we will find a treasure in the earth.

But what happens if one does forgo and he doesn't find a treasure "then one needs to know that his heart wasn't completely with him in the mitzvah of shemitah and he had decided not to lend anymore [because of the coming shemitah]"

that is the end of the Pasuk "only if you are ready to completely heed the mitzvah until the end"

Wait a sec, CALL THE NEWS!!! STOP THE PRESSES!!! CALL GUINESS!!! WE HAVE A RECORD!!!
Is it possible that dov posted a ONE-LETTER POST!?!?!?!?!?!
Dov wrote:

!

thanks Dov
much appreciated, and I get it now

and thanks to you and others, I am changing things...in shemiras einayim on comp...talkin to therapist openly...talkin to others openly face to face, and etc

the struggle I am having is not a miserable one
what I had before I gave up, and as of now, most of the time I don't miss it

when I do miss it, I am not miserable, but happy fighting the fight

so keep on posting please

you make think thru our actions and thoughts

b'hatzlachah

Woh! A ton of stuff went down while I was gone! Lots of important yesodos for recovery. I appreciate that everyone has been posting and clarifying things. This is all really helpful for me.

Update: Today is my 13th day clean! Sunday was a little difficult with shmiras einayim. I find it very difficult to be consistent in that area. This morning, I felt an urge to act out. I was able to get control over the thought and change it and move on to something else. B"h the rest of the day was good, but like Dov says- if I am not actively recovering then these urges will become more frequent and stronger, and I'll be left with a life of misery.

gibbor120 wrote:


I am writing the history of my problem. From when I first started acting out all the way until now. I describe the first time I ever acted out and every subsequent time I can remember until now. It helps me see the progress of my problem and good a good overall picture of it. This is not my idea. A friend who has been sober for 16 years told me to do this as the first step. As I'm doing this, I am seeing how sick I really am and how badly I need to change. I'm not sure what the next step is, but whatever it is- Im gonna do it!

Also, I think that this is helping me "not hold my breath". I'm being proactive in my recovery.

I would suggest finding someone who has been in recovery for a while (not sure how long) who could help you figure out what you need to do. I think that's what's helping me the most.

Ok, I gocha. You are writing a first step inventory. It sounded like you were just writing "the diary of a sex addict" maybe to sell to hollywood one day .

I don't think my diary would make much money. It's not so interesting.The same stupid dtuff over and over again. Once it's all out on paper, I could really see how pathetic this all is.

Anyway, yesterday I completed two weeks. I'm feeling really good. I even feel optimistic. But I need to be cautious about this. Getting cocky will only ruin things for me. However, this time time is different because I'm in contact with a recovered SA. I think that this relationship is making all the difference in the world. He is guiding me and helping me understand what is really important in order to make a real recovery.

But let's not get ahead of ourselves... for today I will be clean and tomorrow we'll see what tomorrow brings.

Great to hear!!!

KUTGW!!

Yesterday was day 15! and still going strong! If I have time later I'll post again before Shabbos.

KUTGW!

Today is day 18 and thank G-d I'm clean. Trying real hard not to hold my breath- trying to get a hold of someone who can guide me in the next step of my journey. This whole thing is starting to get a little scary- the whole changing my life thing. But I'm committed to following through on doing whatever it takes, no matter what, one day at a time.

Oh, and another thing I'm starting to learn- patience is the key.

Wow. For me patience is sooo the key...but it is not a thing I need to do with life. It just is acceptance of reality. Real things take time. Maybe everything else can be instant, microwaved, or 'Pop!' downloaded!...but the good stuff - real things - just are. And they take time.

Thanks for sharing your acceptance of reality with us!!

Yesterday was day 19 and we are still clean and moving forward.

Dov- Thank you! This journey of mine only got off the ground because of you. And the continued chizuk and advise I get from you throughout is so helpful and necessary.

I guess along with my most recent post- I'm feeling more scared about Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur this year than usual. It actually feels real and I find myself thinking about about it a lot more than in the past. I guess it's OK to be scared as long as I keep in mind that I am bringing clean days and real steps toward recovery with me into the Day of Judgment. I just have to show Hashem that I'm trying and all will be OK.

Yesterday was my 20th clean day.

I heard a mashul last night in a shiur on Rosh Hashanah that is such a simple concept, but made such an impression on me that I want to post it.

A child is going through the developmental stages and is about ready to learn to walk. The parents take the child by his hentelech and stand him up. Then they let go. The parents take a couple steps back and encourage the child to move forward towards them. Imagine what the child is thinking, "These people are crazy! They are leaving me stranded with no support. I don't know what I'm doing. But I they give me everything I need and take care of me so I guess I'll trust them." The child takes two steps and falls down. The parents begin to cheer uncontrollably, "Yayyyy!" The child thinks to himself, "These people are crazy. They force me to do something I can't do then they laugh and make fun of me that I fell.

There are a few lessons here, but two that really hit home for me. One, the child doesn't realize that the parents aren't cheering because he failed to walk, but rather because since he fell he can take three steps the next time and four steps the next time etc. Because of the fall the child is able to develop more.

Second, the child does not realize how much his parents love him. They are willing to put him in a situation where he will fail in order to see him grow from it. For parents, who love their children more than anyone else in the world, to place their children in difficult situations because it's good for them is the greatest gesture of love possible.

I hope we all have a wonderful, successful day!

Today is my 21st day clean! I can't believe its been three weeks already. It feels great.

I was thinking about the mashul I posted this morning and want to elaborate a little. I think that these lessons are very important, but they are just ideas and good perspective to keep in mind when faced with life challenges. It's not enough to just realize that Hashem loves us and sometimes wants us to fall; we need to do something about the problem also. If we get up and fall right back down without taking more steps this time then the last then we failed to use the precocious fall properly. Parents only care to watch their children if they will eventually see them walking. Hashem is no different. He loves us dearly and we need to acknowledge that by doing something.

I know this is pashut to everyone, but I just wanted to clarify.