Today also ...very difficult .....lots of very difficult things to deal with....

I dont get to pray on time .....very frustrating ....unbelievable .....all because im not as careful as i could have been .....

Im not falling yet ....but the constant temptation is there always .....in the crunch time all these lessons are boiled down but i somehow make it out but my time taking is costing me ....

I need to reach out more often

keep away from having a challenge at any price
stay away from the front line

I wonder if a night occurance ......that might have been avoided ....should count as a fall .....for now i only include personal concience m!@#$!@#$ as such ....or actions resulting from veiwing material.i shouldnt even know about.....

I have been giving tzedaka for every problem ....as whatever kapara i can get

These problems cause real pain and suffering to all

Its been said i focus on that aspect too much ....that i should focus more on the fact that all of this stems from A: illness and B: extrenuating circumstances ...

But when a bus leaves my kid without telling us ....we are already at a lawyer .....

I wonder where the evil i unleash each time i screw up goes ....probably to permanently indict me ....it is said that a night accurance can be completely mitigated by tikun klali and when asked how something so horrid can be turned around so easily the answer was we also dont understand how what we do in a fall causes so much negative soo quickly


Much joy to all.... it is adar

A "Night occurrence" that happens unconsciously is not your "screw up" and is not a fall. I know it says in the seforim that it causes Pegam etc. but it's still NOT YOUR FAULT so stop beating yourself up over it so much. I might point out that the Gemora also says that under certain circumstances it can be seen as a good sign from Shamayim.

May you have Hatzlacha in everything and Menuchas Hanefesh.

I appreciate the chizuk ...it does help ....i hope you are all having it easier than me ....although i am ok now

laughingman wrote:


Super! If you really want to 'reach out more often', just email me and I'll give you my cell# and you can call and talk whenever you like - if I can, I'll answer and it'll be good be"H. I think it's obvious that posting on a forum is a far cry from 'reaching out'...

You have my email, chaver.

Hi laughingman!

Take Dov up on his offer and let us know how that goes!

I read through a few pages of your thread. The effort you are putting into this struggle is impressive. Yasher Koach! I hope you don't mind if I make an observation and if you do just tell me to "stow it". Many many of your posts, even at times when you are doing extremely well, contain the word "slip". If not the word "slip" some other negative focus. You seem to have a constant need to qualify your success and avoid giving yourself full credit for things. Even your chizuk posts focus on struggle. I think you even point out your focus on negativity and struggle in your comments. I can relate to this very much. I used to do the same thing and I'm sure I still do. See there, I just did it. I couldn't just say I used to do that and now I'm really succeeding at staying positive! What I am finding is that I can acknowledge the positive and I don't have to place a condition or limitation on it. The more I acknowledge the positive the more it comes true. My thoughts and my words have a huge effect on my mindset. So when people ask me how I'm doing, I say fantastic! People here often ask me if I've found serenity. In the beginning I was afraid to give myself credit for the serenity I have found, so I'd say I found a little or a glimmer etc. Now I say yes. I don't need to qualify it. The serenity I have found is well earned and real. Does it mean that I'm living in Olam Habah, no. There will always be some higher standard that I can hold myself to. Maybe if I keep acknowledging the positive I will get there!

But most importantly

Hatzlacha !!!!

how was that scary phone call?

Hey, Laughingman.

First of all, in a sense, your post seem to be including a bit more positivity, AND you've been opening up more. So gevaldig. Baby steps.

About the invitation to call, I've accepted Dov's invite, and we shmoozed. He may not have cured all my problems and hiccups, but he also didn't bite my head off :-)

So give it a shot. I guarantee. (That he won't bite.)

Back to the climb ....

Havent gotten to it ....simply no time ......very much pressure

for something we know its for our benefit, we find time

We always somehow find time for things that are to our detriment.

True enough .....just ...time difference an all....really working on all these things .....and elections ....and pesach .....6.30 and i been up since 4.00