stillgoing wrote:


Wow that is an interesting question. I think you technically do tshuva when you stop acting out on the urge. When you give it up to G-d, or call somebody, or get involved in something else, that's tshuva, because the failing is to give in to the anxiety. Once you are an addict and you feel you can't stop, the failing is not to desire the sex - that's ancient history - it's not fighting the anxiety.

By the same token for an addict to employ the services of a prostitute is a much smaller averah than if a regular guy does it because the addict is facing a terrifying alternative, which is not to give in. He doesn't really care about the prostitute, he just wants the anxiety to stop.

That's how it seems to me anyway.

hwhap@gmx.com wrote:


I try not to think about if my aveiros are bigger or worse than those of others. I got myself into this mess so I don't see how I can use it as an excuse. Regardless, thinking about it too much is damaging to me. I must focus strictly on the task at hand and that is staying safe today.
I already feel my thinking about what I did in the past is hurting me.

pischoshelmachat wrote:


You are right, it's academic.

Thanks for your shares.

Hello Friends.
I am starting to get worried.
Firstly, I am starting to feel a subtle urge, itch, temptation.
Secondly, I am not focusing as I should.
I am quite afraid that the Y"H is planning an ambush to prevent me from reaching 90 days. I am davening and crying to HKB"H, I am on the phone conference with Dov, and I am speaking to people.
I am doing all that I was taught and it is working but I am uneasy about what might be lurking around the corner.
Deep inside, I miss my lust, the images, the fantasy and I am still afraid to say Good Bye forever but I am begging HKB"H to free me of them or protect me from them.
Please daven for me.
I never want to go back to my old ways.
NEVER NEVER NEVER!!!
I love my new and old friends from GYE who are really mechazek me. I feel really good after speaking with GYE friends unlike the bad feelings I have after playing with my lust friends. So why do I have to force myself to call my GYE friends and have to force myself not to play with my internet lust friends?

Maybe you like two things. You like porn and you also like feeling like a tzadik on GYE.

I think in 12-step parlance you need to revise your.step one. Something has been overlooked (the normal case I think) so you need to go over it again.

You might be trying to ignore how porn and masturbation "helps" you. If you can write that down the list will be like armor plate for your step one and you'll lose the fear and go on to 90 days and more. Send me an email if you want to talk.

What is your email?

it's my user name here

The yetzer hara couldn't give one damn if you reach 90 day's or not. ... he is concerned with right now.

cordnoy wrote:

I beg to differ. I think he knows how to time his attacks to when I am most vulnerable.

I will not spew my kefirah on this site, but i will simply say this: the y"h cares about one thin', and that is to make you sad. if you decide 90 days makes you happy, he will work on that. if you decide today makes you happy, he will counter that.

bhatzlachah

pischoshelmachat wrote:
If I would engage in fantasy, they would come back full force this very minute. Don't worry about it. Worry about taking recovery actions.

gibbor120 wrote:
If I would engage in fantasy, they would come back full force this very minute. Don't worry about it. Worry about taking recovery actions.[/quote]

I am doing everything prescribed besides going to SA meetings. With your chizzuk and that from all the wonderful folks here, i hope to stay sober each day.

I go nuts for this thread. PSM you are the man. I read many of the posts here. You are determined to get over the challenges. Keep it up and strong. TOGETHER WE WILL WIN BS"D.

My yetzer hara retired a long time ago. I did a much better job of messing things up on my own. I didn't need him anymore.