PSM, I've just read your last and first page of thread. Wow! Such great stuff. I'm gonna have to link some of the stuff on the first pages when I figure out how to do it.
It's gonna take me ages more to read the rest of your thread but will make a shot at it some time.
Your last post was interesting. It was fortunate that you had been on GYE and that your wife knew about it - so you ha an insurance policy when your wife saw your porn. Not that I'm advocating this as the purpose of GYE. But in real life that's how Hashem views us: okay my son, you may have fallen but you are walking forwards, you're in the journey. As Reb Fischel shachter says: l that's pshat in daber el bnei Yisrael veyisa'u.

All I can say, from the depts. of my heart is, May you be zocha to be completely healed, to never fall again, to have wonderful shalom bayis, and may you're wife trust in your inner goodness and drive to better yourself, and that you will be zocha to one day hold your grandson on your lap (assuming you're not that age now) and think about how far you've come! Vimrue Amen!
Oh, And one more thing, PLEASE say, "vchain L'mar.

VCHEIN L'MAR.
Thank you so much! B"H 2 einiklach. Your bracha brings me to tears.

Then great-grandchildren. That should give another 10-15 years to work on it

Have a Gut Shabbos.

P.S. Remember, we're all here for you whenever you need.

Hi pischoshelmachat,

I just read your entire journey from beginning to end.

Its so painful but so inspiring at the same time.

I am at the other end of the scale just started a family.

Hashem should give you strength to continue.

Shabbat Shalom

Please dont wait as long as me to fix this. There is so much life to enjoy and this steals away our enjoyment of life.

I really feel for you, the wife element of addiction is extremely tricky. I'm sure it is more difficult because of you wife's experience with her friend. I don't have a lot of wisdom to share on that. My wife also suspected me of things I never considered doing. Wives are in a very scary and vulnerable place, and it is very normal for them to have these fears.

The only thing that helps, is when they see change. She seems to see that already, and it should help. You can definitely assure her that many people at SA meetings are "meerly" dealing with porn and masturbation issues. I don't know that from experience. I've heard it from dov.

Have you been part of dov's phone meetings? That may be a good compromise. My wife had a very hard time with them when I started, but she saw the positive affect, and eventually learned to accept it.

Dov also reports that his wife hated when he went to SA meetings for a very long time.

The bottom line is that priority #1 is recovery. Without that, nothing else matters. Work on recovery, and everything else will fall into place. Just be patient. It may take some time.

Keep us posted. We are here for you.

Hi Gibor
Thank you so much for your support.
I do participate in Dovs call and I benefit much from Dov.
For me it is very scary because what my wife fears that it is not only p/m is true. Now b"h my battlefield is p/m but my war did involve more dangerous lust bombs.
My dear wife is extremely supportive and accepts that I will do some radical things so my commitment to her to fix myself is not just an empty promise but an action proactive revolutionizing of all my thoughts and behaviours.
Thank you so much for your support. If you are comfortable, I would love to increase my network of friends I can call for support.
My email is pischoshelmachat@gmail.com

A gutte voch
What a beautiful shabbos. I love shabbos. When I came home from shul my wife told me that she rethought the issue and she is happy for me to do whatever I feel will help keep me safe. So I guess I will go to a live meeting on Wednesday night.

May you have much hatzlocha in finding the best method of recovery for you.
Glad to hear that your wife is behind you on that front.

Great news


Wife being on board is another pressure off you

KOT

THATS AMAZING! See it's just like Shlomo613's vort, that with kedusha if you really try you are guaranteed results. I feel like saying Mazel Tov, even though you haven't went anywhere yet, because you felt that this was your next step toward recovery and last week you were stuck between a rock and a hard place. Now you only have the rock!
Hatzlacha on Wed. and let us know how it goes.

Thank you SG
Now my mind is working diligently to find an entire arsenal of excuses not to go Wednesday night. B"H so far I have none.

So happy for you !!
And your honesty is really admirable ! Hoping you'll don't find any excuse before the meeting !

I began to read your entire thread btw

Thank you. I see that if I am relentless in keeping safe, close to hkb"h humble etc.,this challenge is must easier.