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Hashem, please open up the road for me!!!
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Scientific studies show that it takes 90 days to break an addictive pattern in the mind. Start your own Log of your journey to 90 days! Post here to update us on your status and to give each other chizuk to stay strong!

TOPIC: Hashem, please open up the road for me!!! 92242 Views

Re: Hashem, please open up the road for me!!! 19 Aug 2013 19:08 #216542

  • cordnoy
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Does He accept tips?
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads:
GYE Handbook | Gibbor's Insights | GYE FAQ - Thanks Skep and DMS123456789 White Book | Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous)

If one gives up at the first sign of a struggle, he is really not ready to be successful."
"Tryin' and doin' are two different thin's - tryin' is hopin'; doin' is succeedin'.
"The right thin' to do and the hard thin' to do are usually the same."


Disclaimer: I am not a cheerleader; B"H, there are many on the site. I am here to change myself, and with God's help, by some mistake, I might even help change others.

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re: Hashem, please open up the road for me!!! 19 Aug 2013 19:10 #216543

  • tryingtoshteig
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cordnoy wrote:
Does He accept tips?

No, He gives tips.

ועצת ה' היא תקום
"ויעזור ויגן ויושיע לכל החוסים בו ונאמר אמן" -- ArtScroll Gabbai's Handbook

Re: Hashem, please open up the road for me!!! 19 Aug 2013 19:18 #216546

  • tryingtoshteig
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This thread reminds me of an oldie but goodie.

Ride the train -- Journeys 2
"ויעזור ויגן ויושיע לכל החוסים בו ונאמר אמן" -- ArtScroll Gabbai's Handbook

Re: Hashem, please open up the road for me!!! 19 Aug 2013 19:21 #216547

  • cordnoy
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one of my all time favorites
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads:
GYE Handbook | Gibbor's Insights | GYE FAQ - Thanks Skep and DMS123456789 White Book | Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous)

If one gives up at the first sign of a struggle, he is really not ready to be successful."
"Tryin' and doin' are two different thin's - tryin' is hopin'; doin' is succeedin'.
"The right thin' to do and the hard thin' to do are usually the same."


Disclaimer: I am not a cheerleader; B"H, there are many on the site. I am here to change myself, and with God's help, by some mistake, I might even help change others.

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re: Hashem, please open up the road for me!!! 22 Aug 2013 19:18 #216864

Good Morning My Dear Friends,
As RH approaches I am thinking to myself, "Have I really made any progress in the fight for my life in this world and the next??"
"Will the RBS"O assess my B'Asher Hu Shom to naively believe I am changed when in my heart I know that I have not?"
This really worries me.
This year, I made a real change by joining and remaining relatively active on these message boards, on Duvid Chaim's conference calls, and with a partner.
Have I stopped slipping and falling? NO, BUT I am starting to build the infrastructure that will protect me from the harm this addiction causes.
I feel that I have a path and a real plan to show the RBS"O that next year will be different, In fact, this year has been different. I realized that the path to teshuvah of the 12 steps will help improve a lot more in my life than just this addiction.
I know that I really still need to move forward with a sponsor who will always be there to help me through tough times. I know that I need to uncloak my veil of isolation and privacy no matter how embarrassing it is and I am prepared to do that.
HKB"H, please see that I am truly sincere this year. This is the first year that I am actually convinced myself that things are now different.
I have friends like all of you on this forum who are always there to be mechazek me, I have friends like Dov, and Duvid Chaim who open my eyes and mind to a way of thinking I could never have contemplated, I have friends on the conference call who I know only by the first names or initials that they shared on the call who I truly love for infecting me with enthusiasm for change and anticipation of hope, and most important, I have a friend in my partner who is my constant lifesaver. So although I still slip and I still fall, I am putting some building blocks in place.
Now, besides the unkosher fantasies that still plague me, I also fantasize about the clarity of thought that I one day will have just like Dov and Duvid Chaim, the enthusiasm I will have like all my GYE friends but most of all, the feeling of fixing my destruction my giving back and paying forward by helping others with this struggle like all of you, my dear GYE friends have done and continue to do for me.
Even though I still feel R.I.D.,
I made a pischo shel machat, Please make me the pischo shel ulam!

Re: Hashem, please open up the road for me!!! 01 Oct 2013 23:40 #220079

Hello my dear friends,
Sukkos was so beautiful and so I cannot understand why i fell so fast and hard right after. Well, I picked myself up and I am starting my shiva nekiim again.

Re: Hashem, please open up the road for me!!! 02 Oct 2013 00:03 #220083

  • dms1234
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Just forget about it and keep moving forward. I love the attitude change!
I am happy to speak on the phone. Please email me at dms1234ongye@gmail.com

My name is Daniel, I go to face to face meetings and I work the 12 steps with a sponsor. 

Re: Hashem, please open up the road for me!!! 02 Oct 2013 00:34 #220090

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Sorry to hear about the fall.

Great atitude, fell shmell just KOT!!

Just one q, what is going to change?
Yankel | My Ladder | Talking to Hashem
I'm just a dude, another guy on this bus.
Have a great day, unless, of course, you made other plans. ~ obbormottel
"Nothing changes as long as everything stays the same" ~ Dov

Re: Hashem, please open up the road for me!!! 02 Oct 2013 00:44 #220091

I am embarrassed to say that until now my Samsung Galaxy did not have a filter because the YH scared me that it will slow down and crash the phone. I installed K9 this morning and now I am not crashing so let my phone crash as long as my neshama becomes pure.

Re: Hashem, please open up the road for me!!! 02 Oct 2013 00:50 #220093

  • Gevura Shebyesod
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Good for you KOMT!
!אנא עבדא דקודשא בריך הוא

וּבְיָדְךָ כֹּחַ וּגְבוּרָה וּבְיָדְךָ לְגַדֵּל וּלְחַזֵּק לַכֹּל

And every day that you want to waste, that you want to waste, you can
And every day that you want to wake up, that you want to wake, you can
And every day that you want to change, that you want to change, yeah
I'll help you see it through...


"If it would be so easy there wouldn't be a GYE, but if it would be impossible there also wouldn't be a GYE."

"Sometimes a hard decision leads to an easier outcome."

- General Grant



My story: guardyoureyes.com/forum/19-Introduce-Yourself/111583-hello-my-friends

Re: Hashem, please open up the road for me!!! 02 Oct 2013 01:45 #220101

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WOOHOO!!!

KUTGW!!!!
Yankel | My Ladder | Talking to Hashem
I'm just a dude, another guy on this bus.
Have a great day, unless, of course, you made other plans. ~ obbormottel
"Nothing changes as long as everything stays the same" ~ Dov

Re: Hashem, please open up the road for me!!! 02 Oct 2013 06:21 #220118

  • dms1234
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Yay!! Big win. Feel proud and then keep moving forward!!
I am happy to speak on the phone. Please email me at dms1234ongye@gmail.com

My name is Daniel, I go to face to face meetings and I work the 12 steps with a sponsor. 

Re: Hashem, please open up the road for me!!! 03 Oct 2013 21:20 #220240

Hello Friends,
I just got off Duvid Chaim's conference call and I am so inspired by him and all the participants.
I learnt alot about myself and about how much I will benefit from the program. While I thought lust was my biggest problem, I realized today that the other sypmtoms of this allergy are even more devastating.
So I sent DC this letter to thank him. I want to share it here with you because to me it was an epiphany.
Hi DC,
Thank you so much for today's call. I am amazed how you are able to be so incredibly focused on each person on the call with so much to do around you. This ability to focus and repel distraction is a great inspiration to me.

I never realized that me being a volatile pipe bomb that can explode at any moment, with my wife and family routinely rolling their eyes and ignoring my sudden outbursts of frustration, was a symptom of my addiction.

Just last night I took my daughter practice driving while my older daughter was warning her " don't go practice driving with Tatti...it's not worth it."

I look forward to "fixing" this more than my lust addiction because that is where my family is impacted. I love them all so much and it kills me when I lose control and drive them away.

Thank you for selflessly working with us.
Last Edit: 03 Oct 2013 21:22 by pischoshelmachat.

Re: Hashem, please open up the road for me!!! 04 Oct 2013 05:08 #220279

Dear Friends,
I just heard 2 beautiful stories that I want to share with you about the levels of Kedusha attained by some special people.
The great tzadik, R’ Levi Yitzchak of Berditchev ZT”L, as much as he defended the Jewish people when praying for them before Hashem, was somewhat feared in Berditchev itself. As the Rav of the city, he was not shy about admonishing members of the community when he noticed things that needed improvement.
One year, just prior to selichos, he received a ‘message’ that the prosecutor in the heavenly court would be presenting an overwhelming accusation at the Jewish people, likely to produce much grief and suffering. He exerted extra efforts as he led the selichos that night, but couldn’t help but feel that his words were not convincing enough to break through the looming indictment. Distraught and very worried, he decided to take a walk through the dark, quiet streets of Berditchev – perhaps he would be able to clear his head and come up with a specific strategy.
Walking randomly, he somehow ended up in the poorest, most ramshackle part of town. Suddenly, he noticed bright light emanating from perhaps the most decrepit of the houses. It wasn’t a light that anyone else would be privy to – it was a spiritual light that shot right through the house, soaring heavenward. Curiously, he knocked on the door, and a moment later a young woman opened it. Upon seeing the holy Rebbe, she automatically assumed that at this hour, he must be paying her a visit for a serious reason – most likely he had come to lecture her about some sin that she had done. She immediately burst out crying, “ Rebbe, it’s true that I have sinned terribly, but believe me when I say that I have truly done Teshuva. I have suffered so much already in my short life… please Rebbe…”
“ It’s okay my child – don’t worry. Just please tell me what was this terrible sin that you committed, “ the Rebbe asked, trying to understand the strange light that she herself was apparently unaware of.
“ I grew up in a village just outside of Berditchev, “ she replied, relieved that the Rebbe was not there to rebuke her. “ When I was only seventeen years old, both my parents died suddenly and I was left alone in this world. We had a barn and some animals and my parents had a contract with the local Duke to supply him with milk, cheese and other dairy products. After the ‘shiva’ I thought that I could meet with the Duke so that I could take over their contract and thus support myself. I went to speak with him in his castle, and he heard my tragic story. He seemed genuinely moved by it and as he approached me he said that that he would be willing to sign a three-year contract with me, at double the rates of the previous deal, but on one condition – that I allow him to touch my hair… and before I had a chance to step away and protest, he stroked my hair! His unholy hands on my hair were like a knife in my head! I quickly turned and bolted out of the castle. Shocked and devastated at being so abused and defiled, I cried all the way home and all through the night!”
“ And then what did you do,” asked the Rebbe gently but anxiously.
“ The first thing I did the next morning was to cut off my long, beautiful but now contaminated hair. Then I realized that the unscrupulous Duke would be insulted by my rejection of his advances, and would seek to do me harm. I packed a small bag and ran away, abandoning my childhood home, hoping to find refuge in the anonymity of the big city – Berditchev. With no help or support, I tried hiring myself out as a maid – I was willing to do the most menial and disgusting work. Finally, a kind Jewish family took me on. After working for this wonderful family for a few years, they found me a shidduch – another orphan like me, but a fine, hard-working young man. They even bought this old house for us so that we could have something to start out with. We struggled, but happily for about a year, when all of a sudden my husband took ill and shortly after, passed away. We had no children and now I am again, all alone in the world. So you see Rebbe, I have suffered a great deal and I have done Teshuvah for my sin. I can only hope that Hashem has forgiven me.”
“ Yes, I am sure that you have done a full Teshuvah,” the Rebbe said, “ but what did you do with those hairs that you cut off ?”
“ Oh, is that the reason for the Rebbe’s visit, “ she responded with a half-smile. “The truth is that I burned all of them, except for one hair that I put aside.”
“ And why did you keep that one hair?” asked R’ Levi Yitzchak.
“ Because whenever I am feeling down, when I am frustrated and upset with my tragic, miserable and difficult life, I take out the hair, and I recall my sin, and I look up at the heavens and say, ” Ribono Shel Olam, You are right and your judgements are true.”
R’ Levi Yitzchak comforted her and went out to the street. He looked upward, tears in his eyes, and beseeched Hashem. “ Ribono Shel Olam, take all of the accusations of the satan and put them on one side of the scale, and on the other side, put this girl’s one remaining hair, and I am confident that the merit of this young Tzadekes will outweigh the other side by far. Surely a nation which produces such innocent holiness, deserves to be saved.

One more short story, from R’ Vallach. Harav Mordechai Yoffe ZT”L (1530-1612) is also known as the Baal Halevush. He wrote ten seforim, all titled with the word Levush (clothing). It is told that the following story is the reason he was finally inspired to write them.
R’ Mordechai was an unusually handsome man. Serving as Rav in a large community, his tall, imposing figure, dressed in the special attire of the respected medieval Rabbis, made him an impressive sight wherever he went. One day, he was summoned by a very influential woman, a gentile, to come to her mansion to discuss issues relevant to the Jewish community. Not able to refuse the curious invitation, he went to meet her. As soon as he entered the salon, she closed the door behind him and began to advance toward him. The look on her face made it clear that she had nothing but evil intentions. Quickly trying to find a way out of this impossible predicament, he asked her if he could first use the bathroom. Congenially, she told him that the bathrooms were outside in the backyard and that she would be anxiously awaiting his return.
When he got outside, he noticed that, as was common in those days, the washrooms were connected directly with the open sewer system that carried all of the refuse down to the river. Without hesitation, he jumped into the nauseating, repulsive sewage, and ran through it until he reached the river. He exited the cesspool drenched, filthy and stinking beyond description. He however, didn’t care about his appearance and how unbefitting it was for a Rav to be seen that way – his only consideration was the fact that he needed to escape from a terrible and sinful situation. Suddenly he heard a “Bas Kol” – a heavenly voice call out to him saying that since he soiled the ten articles of his respected rabbinic clothing, for the sake of the honor of Hashem, he would be Zocheh to write ten seforim, which he indeed did write, naming them all after the various articles of clothing.

Re: Thank you T Zugger! 06 Oct 2013 06:51 #220343

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Welcome aboard-don't worry-see my post re my journey here-I can only tell you that my life is so qualitatively different since that momentous Motzaei Shabbos, seeing a great therapist and really being clean for the longest period so far in my life. This site is the only person for Beni Torah of all ages to confront and deal in these issues.
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