First of all, I am clean, TODAY!!!

Gratitude, THANK YOU HASHEM!!!

So it goes like this, my daughter is getting her eye teeth (the pointy ones) and has been keeping us up at night, problem #1. Had another few little unnerving things happen. So, I had a hard time keeping my eyes in their sockets, and they got some very nice sights. Was really trying to be a good boy, and telling myself at every moment "this is where Hashem wants me" and "just because you looked doesn't mean it's over".
I was trying hard and Hashem sent me TZ again(without me asking TZ this time). Throughout the day I had a few insights, as follows:

1) It seems there is a cycle, good days and rough days. I always thought the quiet days were that way because of either we had already fallen, or because we had worked hard enough to "earn" a little respite.

Today I realized that it is exactly the opposite, the good days are days we are supposed to use for the rough days that are on the way.

It is during those good days, when our minds are clear, and we can think about life correctly, that we are suppsed to prepare ourselves for when the storm hits.

I think the Me'or Einayim says, What is a nisayon? It is when Hashem takes away our emunah, and depending on how much we knocked it into oursleves beforehand, that is how much of a remnant will stay. It is explained by a barrel where wine is stored, the longer the wine is soaked, the more the barrel will hold its smell and the stronger it will be, even after the wine is taken out.

2) I need to keep in touch with real people. period.

3) Ben Durdaya sent me one of his posts, and from it I got another insight into "unmanageable". I had to go to a chasunah tonight, and I was scared. That is in a way "unmanageable", I can't live a normal life if I am afraid to go out of my house.

That's enough for now, just an interesting reference, Baba Kama 38a at the bottom (that's what TZ and I learned). Ulah did not want to go console someone who lost their daughter with his babylonian friends because they say "what can we do" which means that if there was something to do they would do it, that's the gist of it. just some food for thought.

Pidaini wrote:


I liked your whole post. The above quote though was very helpful. In light of the whole "Is 12 steps for everybody?" discussion, I think it is safe to say that everyone can see life as unmanageable, depending on the person. If Avodas Hashem for someone really is ki heim chayeinu, and they can't serve Hashem with the pure heart they yearn for because of their addiction, then to them life is unmanageable, no?

Either everyone is an addict or the 12-steps isn't just for addicts. Who cares? We should all do whatever it takes.

Thanks again, Pidaini.

nice post
yes its true
similar to "holding your breath"
but the more we are taking action, the less of that we will incur
its also about getting thru the moment
many times when we are havin a rough day, we are looking several days ahead, hours ahead, and it becomes difficult

focus on the now
i know i am preachin to the choir and you know this, but i know i need to hear it over again

b'hatzlachah

i thought that it meant that i realized im not the manager and the hashem it!

אלו ואלו דברי אלקים חיים

(and now I am remembering that I also heard this thought from Hashemssoldier, it just didn't click then)

Just a cute story,

My chavrusah isn't going to end up coming this elul (not getting into that), so I've been learning alone both morning and afternoon.

This afternoon I was sitting and learning like a good boy, but I was having some "lonely" spells. As I was thinking "Hashem put you here...." He sent me a hug.
My mobile (for english readers who don't know what cell phones are) started vibrating!!!

And it gets better!!

Hashem gave me a squeeeeeeze, it wasn't just anybody, but one of my good friends from OINK!!!!

And then the

I said "hello?"

He answered "Hi Yankel, I'm just calling because I was feeling a little lonely"

Thank You Hashem!!!!

LONELY?!

When you have a wife?! who has an english accent?! huh?!

and I just heard about that English accent...good kasha TZ

למה? יאמרו הגוים

is it true that the english accented people love american accents?

no, and heres a story that proves it:
An english guy comes to America. When he gets to the hotel where he is staying, he asks someone where the lifts are. The guy answers "Lifts!? you must mean the elevators. they're over there"
English Guy: "These American barbarians, they steal our language and change all the correct wording"
American Guy: "Sir, it is true that you invented the language, but we invented the elevator, so the name goes by what we call it"

Regarding the Gemara that I brought down earlier (BK 38a) Ulah did not want to go console someone who lost their daughter with his babylonian friends because they say "what can we do" which means that if there was something to do they would do it.

The N'mukei Yosef explains that it is considered "giduf" to Hashem.

The Taz in Yorah Deia 376 brings down a Yam Shel Shlomo which brings down the story of Dovid when his first child was dying.

It's an awesome story, Dovid Hamelech hears that his son is deathly ill. He throws himself on the floor screaming and Davening, doing teshuvah, fasting. The child dyes, and Dovid's servants don't know how to break the news to him, so he ended up asking. when they answered that the child had died, Dovid got up and asked for food to be brought to him so he eat! So his servants asked him what happened, and he answered "can I bring him back anymore?"

The question is that it seems as though Dovid was also saying "if I could I would"?

The Taz explains that the servants were asking why he stopped davening and all suddenly, so he answered that now there is no turning back the clock anymore, so now I accept it and am even able to eat normally.

Whereas when a person is mourning a lost one and from the anguish of what happened he wants to change that which Hashem wanted to that which he wants, then it is like cursing Hashem!!

I saw someone just clarify the point a little more. We have to accept the life that Hashem has given us and understand that were we to be given the choice between a) the life that we have and b) the life that we would want to have, we would have chosen the life that Hashem wants to give us!!!!

that can also be used in regards to a fall...
once we fall theres no turning back the clock, so just get up and do teshuva normally, do what you have to do to get better and dont wallow in your depression

(im talking to myself more than i am to anyone else, and Yankel of all people knows that the most)

that's the only way Rebbe.

Heemanti Ki Adabeir, I will believe when I (continueously) say it.

KUTGW!!