Since I have already admitted that I take my Karma rating personally, I might as well mention that I have noticed that I lost two karma since my fall.

If there is someone that I upset somehow, please let me know what I did, either here or in a PM. One thing I can tell you is that it wasn't intentional in the least.

Thanks!!

Hang in there, Yankel!
Zul zayn a kapara!

You have many zchusim on you side for being there for us all through tough times.

FWIW i just raised your karma

and remember not to eat pickles, chrain, nuts (veyesh omrim donuts) till shmini atzeres

a gmar chasima tova to you and yours and der gantzer kehilas Oink, ravrevayu im zerayu

FWIW????

Fishing Worms in Water?

yep, today is a high-traffic tashlich day, so fish in water is apropo

but FWIW is 'for what its worth'

WATLITW (thats an old bardifact, 'with all the love in the world'

Pidaini
Darn! You are still beating me!

ZemirosShabbos wrote:


IWOATDIO....sorry.

it's worth one and two dollars in oregon?

I Was On A Truck Delivering Incendiary Onions

ZemirosShabbos wrote:


I Was Only Able To Do It Once

Well.....

This is my 2000th post!!

and with that I have quite an insight that Hashem granted me this morning!!

Last night I realized that I have probably lost hours and hours worth of notes. Now, if I would have KNOWN that I lost it, it might have been better, but I wasn't even sure, so I had the doubt also.

I really thought I would go into depression, and with that lots of porn and masturbating, but instead I sent out an email that I am very scared and decided to hold off the depression until I am sure that it's lost.

I woke up this morning much calmer, sort having accepted the fact that I may have lost it. Then I realized something else....I was still clean!!

I was feeling all cocky "now Hashem owes me!! I had/have the complete right to be depressed and go do whatever the hell I want, and I didn't!!"

and then a soft voice sort of whispered "Don't be stupid!! You know very well that it's exactly the other way around!! You owe everything to Hashem for enabling you to enjoy life even though you are in a bit of a difficult situation! Just imagine what your experience would have been if you would have gotten depressed, gotten all into porn...you would have been absolutely miserable!!"

I would therefore like to use my 2000th post to thank Hashem for this day that He allowed me to experience in a sane state of mind and for showing me clearly what it could have been had He not helped!! (Pshat in Hareinu Hashem Chasdecha, that Hashem should show us his kindnesses that He does)

Thank You!!

אלפים!

thats a lot of alephs, every one is an aleph. aleph is teaching, you teach us all. aleph is number one, every post/day is one, only that post/day.

Pidaini wrote:


I like it!

Were rooting for you finding your notes!

Pidaini so sorry to read (a bit belated ) about your momentarily fall . I am sure all the chaverim agree that we trust you will transform this one into an aliya and all the "falls" will eventually become a collection of zechuyos. nevertheless i must admit to you truthfully and honestly that i felt a shudder passing my soul and body from head to toes when i read about it ( i am talking for myself ) . it shows to me how much more we have to be on the guard from the YH and from the dark side of ourselves. And how ours is a cruel and unrelenting war. Our YH is so brutal and vicious that it doesnt have one drop of pity for us . He is out to get us whenever and wherever and in whatever form he will see fit . If we are watching the forefront he will come from the back and if we are watching our backs too he too will find the softest part or the small crack in the fence to enter and attack. If you despair now , he has done his job. IT is not the acting out what he is looking for it is your despair and sadness. Please we beg you not to play his game . You are a precious , loved and unique son of Hashem . Hashem needs you for His Master Plan in this whole creation . And by getting up , drying your tears , looking for His Closeness and starting again you will do much nachas for Him. Have a Gutt Yom Tov and a Gmar Tov ( and gmar tov means we need you so much for your input in this never ending war.)

Hate writing this, it's much easier to just keep on bottling myself up and then trying to let it out by watching porn and masturbating, only to realize that not only did that not help but I now have even more to bottle up

This past one (or continuation of pre-Rosh Hashanah one) started for absolutely no good reason. Well, not really. I had a very disappointing Shabbos and although I went through it quite ok, (I'd give myself an A-) I knew that the real struggle is after the negative feelings go away.

I don't know why it is, but I find that the quiet after a storm is much harder for me than the storm itself. My thoughts are that I enjoy excitement, whether it comes positively or negatively. Any form of extreme feelings gives me a boost, so when it's over, I fell empty, lacking something in life.

I haven't even called my new friend these past two days (sedning him an email as we post), wouldn't have wanted him to talk any sense into me (like he is doing now on gchat)

As for the question, "what's gonna be different this time", I don't know right now. I haven't really started the steps yet, so even though I don't want to continue because it hasn't helped yet (how could it if I just said that i haven't really started it), I'm going to go ahead with it.

Thank You GYE for emulating Hashem's ways and always being there for when I want to come back!!