it sounds like r.yankel needs more time to get more specific. he did say that he is in mush mode. we all can relate to that. i'm sure that r.yankel will feel better after speaking to his friends, and then his next post will answer all your helicopter questions

What I was missing before coming to GYE was the realization that this was a decision that I have to make. The decision isn't easy, deciding whether to be uncomfortably comfortable of comfortably uncomfortable is a very difficult one, but before coming here I didn't realize that there was an option of being comfortable with discomfort!! Before GYE I was waiting for the path that would take me away from this comfortably, without "pain" without discomfort, after GYE I learned that nobody has yet found that way, rather they have found that the way out may be uncomfortable, but it was out.

I won't take a plunge into the unknown, into something that I don't really think is possible. It's only when I see that it is possible, just not "ideal" for me, that's the point of decision making and that's when I need to just take the plunge, to face the discomfort.

I've seen several posts recently that say that understanding, or reason, or just making a really good schedule and sticking to it, planning well, having a purpose etc. etc. will do the trick.

Knowledege and understanding was almost useless to me. I learned halachos, I learned mussar. It did not help. Our brains are quite a weak tool when dealing with the power of lust (and many other struggles/bad habbits as well).

Having a good schedule etc. can be a good framework and can make it easier to stay out of trouble, but every so often trouble comes knockin anyway. Bad mood, lonliness, feeling a bit under the weather, got insulted, saw something "accidentally", just for a second, was left with unfiltered internet and just wanted to see a news story, watch a video to relax, etc. etc. When it comes knocking and we open the door, it's like letting in the cat in the hat. No telling what will happen next, but it aint good.

I tried all that stuff for years and I just kept getting worse. Until I admitted I had a problem and opened up about it to real people. Realized I can't do it on my own. I need help. Willpower and/or knowledge cannot save me.

Here are some healthy attitudes that have helped help me.
- Let go of my "right" to lust. I can't afford it.
- Let go of my self-pity.
- Let go of my expectations.
- Let go of resentment.
- Don't try to "figure it out". I don't need to understand (read: control) everything.
- Realize that I am not in control of my life (B"H, there is Some ONE much better at it, and HE loves and cares about me unconditionally)
- Stay out of isolation. Connect to people (especially when feeling vulnerable).
- Humbly give to others (without expectation of reciprocation).
- Get of my 18 wheeler and onto a trycycle. Let go of my lofty expectations and accept my reality.
- Live in reality and not fantasy.
- Do NOT let a fantasy live in my head. Let go immediately. can't afford it.
- Be happy and humble.
- I will not die from a lust attack. Let it pass. I can be comfortable being uncomfortable.
- Be busy, especially if it involves being social.
- Excercise

Just some stuff that came to my mind, and I felt like putting it out there.

YOU CAN DO IT! Why do you need movies????? If you are truly living life you won't need movies. The sweet taste of life will make it that you don't want to go anywhere near movies.

gibbor120 wrote:


That couldn't have come at a more convenient time for me!!

As all are aware already, I'm having my struggle with movies (again). I was thinking about it today, as BH I'm still Shomer Shabbos, and I was thinking just along the same lines.

I realized that the first thing that hits me when I think of "No more!!" is "But the urges are gonna keep coming back! They're gonna make you k....k......k.....KRAZY!!!!!!!!!!"

That shows me a few things, one is that I (ME) feel it is my right to have a life without urges, without trying to learn and every nuance in my mind telling me to go watch a movie/escape. Together with that is that if I have an urge I have to "deal with it" either appease it or make it go away...but that's just not true, I can do what I need to do even if I do have urge.

Another thing is that I'm not living One day at a time, if I was then who gives a darn what will happen! I need to take it one thought at a time, one decision at a time!! Of course, I want to be sure upfront that everything will be easy, but fact is fact, I'm not going to be sure, So what now? Am I going to wait until G-D himself comes and tells me that I'm gonna ride a nice smooth ride from here on, or will I finally just realize that my ride IS perfect as it is?!

Thanks for listening, and as always, comments are (almost) always appreciated.

Spiralling out of control. Don't know why, or actually, i don't need to know why! (part of my obsession is to figure it out)
I am hereby declaring a stop. To do the best i can to stay away from all time wasters....ALL! May the almighty help me acknowledge Him and how i cannot do this without His constant support.
Thank you