skeptical wrote:


I was referrin' to the post about addiction to food and how it relates to the lust addiction. I'm sure you had a few of those recently.

I had a few steaks lately.

Thanks Y'all!!

It's really amazing how isolation takes a toll, but before that, I'm not ready to survive without GYE, so that question is a theoretical one for now, THUS I will not be giving it too much thought right now.

I had a rough time with looking at women today, and with one particular woman that I was having a hard time with, I started saying a kapital tehillim and a little prayer to The One Above. My daughter was sitting next to me and said "Totty, why are you davening now?" I just answered plainly, "I am davening to hashed to help me".

I am feeling that pull to oblivion, looking at other people who seem to have no whims about life and feeling jealous of that point, wishing that I could be so carefree.

The mistake in that is that I can be that carefree if I'd let myself. I'm too intent on trying to control too much that I give myself only two choices, either to stay in control or to escape everything altogether. The notion that I can stay with what is going on and just let go of expectations and controlling isn't naturally as compelling as lusting.

BH, I have Hashem, friends, and GYE so that I can acknowledge that urge and remember, one day at a time, that I can be free, liberated, entirely. I don't need to be so controlling, and I certainly don't need to serve lust!!

Thank you all for listening!!

Beautiful! I'm glad you're teaching your daughter Zlata Yenta from such a young age that we can daven during the day to hashem to help us. What an opportunity for chinuch. if not for that woman you were staring at, you would have missed a grand opportunity at hands on chinuch! see sefer chassidim # 100 on the great simcha we should have when an unexpected mitzva comes up. inasmuch [that's rabbi twerski's favorite word] as this is true, you have THUS [don't think i didn't notice that!] merited a grand opportunity.

p.s. for non oinkers... suffice it to say, "thus" is the new donuts...

I am feeling that pull to oblivion, looking at other people who seem to have no whims about life and feeling jealous of that point, wishing that I could be so carefree. - r.y.p.

i can understand you and the point your bringing out.
and if you think that a bit more carefree additude will help you, ok, i think i can relate.
just the jealousy aspect is quite interesting, i mean people who seem to have no whims? are they better off? maybe they're nerve-dead, or worse, or maybe that have decide just to give in to every temptation that comes along.
hmm.... b'sherirus libi ailech....
or people who don't appreciate the gadlus of a struggle-unlike you- who wants to get somewhere in life, (even though we don't mention it here, because it creates pressure).
i personally have worked a lot to be a calmer person, but carefree.. it is something that i want nothing to do with.

They may dress a certain way for whatever reason, but there's no such thing as a person who is carefree with no whims about life.

Thanks again!!

Just for clarification, the specific woman who I was objectifying was a frum woman of our community who was working together with my family on a project. She wasn't dressed at all provocatively, it was just her female form that I was abusing.

Secondly, I admit that am not looking at the full picture of those people's lives, I was looking to get away from the uncomfortable feeling that I was experiencing, and I saw that in them, especially since the way that I deal with being uncomfortable is by running to sex, and they don't have any problems doing the things that I would want to. It's not that it will help me, on the contrary, it's only damaging, taking me away from real life, but I still desire it because in the moment it looks more pleasurable (and may be, for the moment)

I was in a terrible mood this morning, but Hashem helped me by sending someone who called me. I didn't call them because I was actually busy and didn't think I'd have the time, but just then I had a few minutes!! BH. After talking to them for just a few minutes, discussing how we need to accept where we are at the moment, and do what we can for now, I felt much better!!

Thank you all for being here!!

Yesterday was a tough day. I had slipped the night before, and then yesterday went to youtube for about 20 min. I was in a bad frame of mind, feeling down, feeling that inevitable disaster that was just waiting to happen.

A friend then texted me that he was feeling down and had just spoken to Dov and feels better, so i took the plunge (not without texting him first that I didn't want to because I don't need it, I shouldn't need it, and that I don't have time, to which he responded You do need it, whether you should or shouldn't is irrelevant now, and you do have time. So why don't you wanna?" )

I spoke to Dov and we discussed how he used to know of only one way of ending the fight and that was to just give in. He learned that it doesn't need to be that way, that even though we need to deal with the consequences of our actions, and that is pure hell (the desires, the urges), if it bothers us enough then we will stop before we get to pure hell ultimate-after the fall and deal with what we have now.

That really clicked, I guess it was that point that I didn't want to accept. I wanted a way of getting back to before all the lusting, to a point where I wouldn't have to deal with the aftermath of my actions, and I wasn't ready to admit defeat.

BH, I am here, another day clean, learning more and more that I can't do this myself, and I need to be ready to accept help from others...especially Hashem!!

Thank you to all my friends who were there whenever I needed them!!

i spoke to Dov and we discussed how he used to know of only one way of ending the fight and that was to just give in. He learned that it doesn't need to be that way, that even though we need to deal with the consequences of our actions, and that is pure hell (the desires, the urges), if it bothers us enough then we will stop before we get to pure hell ultimate-after the fall and deal with what we have now.- r.y.p

i commend you on your courage about trying to find what you need to keep going.

the point about if it bothers us enough, really strikes a ring of truth to me.
it is not easy to face it, and i would much rather say that i could overcome addiction or temptation in a nobler way, however it was only when i couldn't live with my situation, did action follow.
i understand that this is connected to two lessons i learnt from cordnoy.
1) ask if can you live with it.
2) it is live or....

if i may add though, for some the very thought of the above is a strong way of moving forward, and for others live has to be valuable enough in order to trade it for the the comforts of addiction, and simply to live, may not do the trick.

in any events, i wish you TONS of hatzlacha, and i am looking forward to hearing more.

Aint nobody who can say it like you can!!!!

Pidaini wrote:


Pidaini wrote:


Pidaini wrote:


Pidaini wrote:


Pidaini wrote:


Pidaini wrote:


Pidaini wrote:


Pidaini wrote:


b'hatzlachah

HEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I feel like I've been away for forever!!!! (somehow while I was gone I gained two karma.....maybe I should stay away longer!!)

Sooooooo.....there is a lot to say, and I'm not gonna write all of it.

Some main points are, I can live through flights, one flight at a time!! I used to look at trips based on the flights, worrying about them from beginning up until the flight. Hashem has helped me realize that I can deal with the flight while I'm flying and enjoy wherever I am at that time. So this trip, instead of it being One long trip with 4 international flights, it has so far been 3 trips!! (I don't think it came out as well as I'm experiencing it, I'm sort of tired now and don't have time for everything)

Secondly, I realized that I have a choice, I can either enjoy the life that I have or I can ruin it. So that leaves me that even when I make a smart choice and and I accept life, I don't get the credit for it turning out grand, I just get credit for not ruining it (Yes, BH the trips were fantastic because I did what I was supposed to do and was where I was supposed to be!!)

Thirdly, while flying a stunt kite and finally feeling a bit in control of something, the wind stopped and the kite fell straight out of the sky.....just goes to show whose really in charge.

Lastly, I've been slipping the past two days. That came after isolation and not hearing, reading, or talking about surrender or acceptance. The chizzuk email today is mamish timely.

I'm still thinking "I don't need help, I just need to stop" just like last time, and I know that's where the answer lies. It's hard to do, and I don't want to do it, and it's Friday tomorrow so it's gonna be easy to push aside.....but I need to.

I am finally in a more structured place, physically, hence it is easier on the mindset.

It's great to be back, and let's all take it One day at a time!!!

great to see you here again,

Welcome back!!!!

Pidaini
LOL!!!!!!! Talk about KAVOD!!!

Very Inspiring I'm loving all the energy in your post!

Dunno if this applies, but for me being down to receive help is dependent on my being humble, I'm sure you know it but its the obvious things we need reminding

Much love

Thank You SD!!!

Interesting that you say it that way because that sort of jolted me. In other words, you are sooo right, asking for help = humble, but that could come in two ways, the smart way is for me to be humble so that callilng isn't such a big deal, but by me it's still that me needing to ask for help (for otherwise I know that I am doomed) brings me to realize that I'm really not all that I think I am...THUS I'm humble[d] by asking for help!!

Thank You again!!

and the love is accepted and recipricated!!