There doesn't have to be a stira between sheifos and living one day at a time.
For a simple example, if you sit down to learn daf beis of baba kama you can want to finish the masechta (ok we'll make it easy, taanis) but at the same time completely focus on the daf or even the line in front of you. In learning that is the ideal. have a sheifa but focus on the present.
If you are constantly thinking about the masechta you won't have really accomplished much by the time you turn all the pages. If you focus on one amud at a time you will eventually finish the masechta and have learned it.

Life is the same, in order to learn how to live life, maturely you had to decide some idea of what living life maturely is, you had to have made that a goal of yours, and now you are going one day at a time towards that goal. (It might have all been done subconsciously, but that is what you did)
who is telling you what to learn (If you meant in terms of torah)?

I think that if you sat down and thought about what your ambitions are for five years from now, ten years, and when you are an old man,you might start to find some direction in your life.
Attaining those goals might help you find a way to focus your energy and get you excited about life instead of just moving slowly to no where in particular (other than being a 90 year old that hasn't acted out in 60 years.)
I don't mean to minimize your efforts for working on yourself in GYE areas, but you have to pick yourself up and move forward. I don't believe that you are focusing your entire day from morning to night on recovering from lust addiction. If so that might not be healthy either.
Think big. No huge. Monster huge. you might not become a rosh yeshiva but you will have one hell of a ride trying. same for business man. If you are not aiming you definately won't make it,
If you have no goals in learning than why would you ever push yourself to make the extra seder, to come on time to seder. why would you chazer? after 20 years you will find that you are learning the same things again and again but not building your personal building.
keep trucking, keep living, keep taking it day by day. but find yourself an aim to be a bigger and broader person in 10 years from now. (and not just by eating more cholent)
Gee this is the shtarkest mussar i ever gave here, but you deserved it. (not as a punishment but in the sense of earned it by being the great guy that you are) Your hatzlacha in life is important to me (and probably many others) you can go big and should.
a gutten shabbos/voch

I have similar problems . We are all in this together and the mamash reason we are here is to recover (in every area of life, as lust engulfed us)!

SO LETS GO! LETS LIVE!

Quick Motzei Shabbos post.

Since this was the last post I read before Shabbos, it was on my mind by Davening as I started doubting myself. BH, after asking Hashem for help, I was able to calm down and realize that nothing drastic is going to happen if I don't "figure this out" right away!!

Disclaimer: This is an anonymous website, and Hashkaphic topics such as the one that I am about to write about are not to be taken as correct until discussed with an appropriate authority!!

From what I have heard about all the Tzaddikim that I heard about and who I would like to emulate, I have come to have but one goal in my life. I should be ready to do whatever Hashem wants me to do at whatever moment, with the my complete potential. That is a way of living, it is a mindset that I am in middle of installing (BH successfully) and that is my single ambition. To put it simply, I want to be an eved Hashem ready to do whatever He may ask, and that to me is much bigger than one specific thing.

Right now, I am learning what I have been told to learn by my rebbe, based on where I am holding right now in life. I am on GYE (in general, maybe not specifically at this moment ) because that is clearly where I need to be at this point in life. There other things on the side as well, and slowly, BH, I am climbing, climbing....

Yaakov's Ladder!!!


Edit: That is my general outlook, I didn't go into the specifics of the questions asked because I felt that it would take away from the point, but if someone feels that it will be beneficial (for anyone, including myself) then please let me know and I can do so.

Pidaini wrote:

That's true, Yankel.
I hear what you are saying. I guess we can continue the conversation in person one day. Maybe I will get in touch with you next time I head up to Yerushalayim )תבנה ותכונן במהרה בימינו)

9494,
Reb Boruch Ber zatza"l is quoted as saying that his whole life he strived to be like his REbbe Reb Chaim. Had he not strove so big, he wouldn't have even become REb Boruch Ber.
I heard a tremendous story of Reb Chaim Kamil who was in his nineties, blind in one eye but said "I still haven't given on becoming like Reb Akiva Eiger" )נורא למתבונן(

That being said, i recently saw in the name of the heiliger chofetz chayim, the folowing:
והיו הדברים האלה- these words of torah that you are learning right now.
אשר אנכי מצוך היום - That I am commanding today. this very day.
על לבבך- If that is your attitude, that what you are learnig right now is exactly what Hashem commanded you particularly today, and put all your focuses on one day at a time, one daf gemorah at timem then the torah will be preserved in your heart.

I have never met a Talmid Chochom that didn't have Sheifos when he was younger (or even when he was older for that matter) ,
I am also not so old, but in the fifteen years since i got married and moved out of the yeshiva dormitory, I can clearly see that those with shifos got somewhere and those that were floating are either still floating or sank by now.

It is true, though that even if you have big sheifos, you might have to put them on the side while you are weathering a particular stage in life. You don't have to erase them, just put them on the side and focus on what you have to work on right now. and then come back. (If not for the sheifos, you probably won't make it back) For example i had a long time in my recent life that I went months without opening a sefer. I am mostly able to answer up in shamayim after 120 for not learning during that tekufa. But when it passed I started picking myself up again slowly. Only because I hadn't given up on my determination to know kol hatora kula. Will I get there? Hopefully. How? one mishna at a time. one daf at a time and one siman in shulchan aruch at a time. (and one page of zohar at a time - in the right time)I should live long enough to celebrate.

hi guys
i am happy this conversation is taking place, not just because i believe that we have a lot of potential, and shiefos is the way to get there,( see below), but also because i believe that it is also a part of recovery from lust.
this is because i think that if i recover, bezras Hashem, i want to recover my life as well, which means in plain english, that recovering is, let's say, eliminating the bad, but we want to become GOOD people as well, and eliminating bad doesn't propel you automatically into good, you need to actively pursue it. why is this important to recovery?
because when you have plans for good things, you snap out of bad things quicker.
you take some your energy past the "holding back" stage, and you DO good things.

what i mentioned about shiefos, is a part of my haskafas that i was mekabel from Harav wolbe, though i have to find it exactly written in his seforim in order to quote it. i believe the main chazal is " chayav odom loimar, masei yagiah ma'asei l'ma'asel avoisai." - " a person is obligated to say" when will my actions reach those of the Avos?"
i also was mekabel that although we probably won't get there, we Still have to say it, in order to reach our potential. that is our FULL potential.
how do we know what to aim for. we don't
that is why we should aim for the sky, and see where we get.
this is because if we don't; we FOR SURE won't get anywhere.
one day at a time refers to action. aim for the sky refers to shiefos (ambitions)
saying, that doing whatever Hashem wants from me, is very noble, but if you notice the yetzer is also nodding his head, he is saying" yeah as long as it is a general idea, and nothing to specific- go ahead."
everyone has a mission in life. some bigger and some smaller, but Hashem didn't create anyone just to good in general.
if anyone wants mekoros on anything written here let me know.

I very strongly believe that what those two Gedolim were saying was that they felt a connection, a relationship, to R' Chaim and to R' Akivah Eiger as a model for someone who uses their potential to the fullest. As R' Zishe said "I'm not scared of when they ask me why I wasn't Avraham Avinu, I'm scared of when they ask me why I wasn't Zishe". Trying to actually be someone else is not only not the ratzon haboreih (if it was, He would have made us that person) but it will block me from revealing my personal addition to the world! So when I hear about a gadol that says something like that, I can only believe that they meant bringing out the best of them selves as they saw in their personal model, whoever it may be.

If I have an ambition to do the best I can at any given moment, then I will end up growing to be who I really can be. Not one specific thing, that for me is actually minimizing the potential that I have, but for whatever it is that I am supposed to do.

Having that ambition isn't only a "general idea", it actually takes tons of action, more than running after one thing. I look at my day at the end of the day and can analyse if I did the right thing with all my time that day, if not then I know where I need to be more careful, where I am likely to make mistakes.

So if you ask me what my she'ifes are, I'd be able to go through the entire day and explain how my she'ifah for Davening is to Daven with a bren and connection as I was told of and have watched myself, ehrlicher yidden's davening. I have a sheifah to learn with a bren, with a hasmadah and a presence of mind, as I have geard of and have watched ehrlicher yidden's learning. I have a she'ifah to do mitzvos that I do with a bren and with simcha and excitement, as I have heard of and have watched, ehrlucher yidden's doing mitzvos. I have a she'ifah to be completely present at whatever I decide is the right and proper thing to do at whatever moment for that is what Hashem wants me to do then, as I have heard about and seen ehrlicher yidden, do.

For me, having one specific "she'ifah" is actually just me having a certain Taycah of what I want my life to look like, it is an expectation that I don't think is necessary and on the contrary. is extremely dangerous to play around with. Not only for disappointment reasons, but for gaavah reasons, and taking away from the ikkar and yesod of "I will do whatever it is that I am supposed to do".

To me this idea seems too hard to live by. If I have to decide every day whether or not to go to shul I think the pressure of being constantly on top of myself would get to me. If I make a commitment to go every day, whether I feel like it or not, it just becomes routine. Just like I never think about whether I'm going to brush my teeth today, I just do it.

Surely the goal is to train ourselves to do the right things without a constant struggle.

Dear Doctor, (obviously as a doctor, brushing your teeth comes by easier than it does to me )

We have spoken about this point over the phone. and there is a nice amount to write about it, I just need to have the time and presence of mind to write it all.

BTW, Would you mind giving me a ring today?

Back to current events.

I have a flight on Wednesday, as everyone must know by now, I love flights!! after all, it's my best excuse to lust!!

On Shabbos I was thinking about it a lot, or more than I wanted to, and I had a little conversation with Hashem. I asked Him to help me realize that I have a whole day of Sunday, Monday, and Tuesday, that I am not going to be flying and that I can use fully without feeling arrested by the fact that I'm flying in three days time. Not only that, but in essence even Wednesday and even when I'm travelling, I can still experience each minute and live them and use them in a productive way. It may be uncomfortable, but why does uncomfortable have to mean that I can't experience it?

Which btw triggered a thought on the Passuk "even when I go in the valley of death I will not fear bad for you are with me" Dovid hamelech doesn't say that there won't be bad, he says that since He knows that Hashem is with him, he doesn't need to fear bad!! I don't need to lose myself just because it's not exactly what I would like to do!!

thanks for listening!!

The flight should be successful.
The entire flight will not (probably), but the first five minutes can...and that is all God is askin' from you, and since that is your aim (to do whatever God wants of you at any given moment), I am sure that you will succeed.

Regardin' the five minutes after that - it is, for right now - none of our business. And as was written about here about a year ago - worryin' about those five minutes now might even be AGAINST what God wants me to do at this very moment.

b'hatzlachah

hi r.y.p'daini
look maybe we should let the inyan stand, about lifetime shiefos, i guess there maybe room for different opinions.
going back to my original suggestion that i wrote, that a short term goal can be useful as a project, to keep one busy and full and energised, seems to work for me, and that's why i suggested it.
however if you feel that it isn't right for you, we love you anyway.
i hope that you make strides in your avodah ( not to be confused with avoid a)
and you find youself shtaiging as time goes on.
i think that it may be unreasonable for many (myself included) to espect to see daily progress in ourselves, but if, lets say a year, passes, and if we look in the mirrior and see the same old selves, it is time to worry a little( is that a dirty word?), because staying in the same place is not cause for celebration.

unanumun wrote:



Everyone holds of living with cheshbon. Which by definition means making goals!
EVERYONE holds that we should have clear sheifos. כולם מכל התקופות.
Now, about how much to stress the long term sheifos, vs what does Hashem want from me at this moment, vs all goals in between, there are quite a few mihalchim. It can often make someone feel like he let himself down, when he doesn't meet his own expectations. So how often, it depends on the individual, and many chushive rebbeim may often advise a talmid at specific times in his life that he shouldn't be thinking more than today. That's ODAAT- probably good advice!

So the shaala is focus. How long term, how specific, how short term, etc. And for that there are different mihalchim, and it often depends on the individual.
Someone may need to invest much much more energy in reminding himself ODAAT, than reminding himself of his long and short term sheifos.

I know that I need to.

As a matter of fact, that's precisely why I'm on gye!

Thank you for that, because I sort of felt alone here, and I Needed Chizzuk!!

I also was being extreme, trying to bring out the other side, whereas the truth is as you put it, and as MBJ also mentioned to me in a chat.

As long as it doesn't get in your way, she'ifos are great, for me though, I have found them to do just that, to get in my way rather than help.

lavi wrote:


Let me say, I've been on GYE for over a year, and I am certainly not in the same place. I would say that I'm not even on the same planet!! before I was in cyberspace, now I'm on earth!!

Not only that, but I do see progress in much less time than a year, not every day, but I clearly see myself growing, slowly but certainly growing!!

Thanks everybody for the thoughtfulness and support!!

okay, r.y.p
enjoy your trip!
it seems now your challenge is to take your "earth" that you toiled for and put it in "cyperspace" on the airplane!