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My Story - Reallygettingthere

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Scientific studies show that it takes 90 days to break an addictive pattern in the mind. Start your own Log of your journey to 90 days! Post here to update us on your status and to give each other chizuk to stay strong!

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TOPIC: My Story - Reallygettingthere 56694 Views

Re: My Story - Reallygettingthere 17 Jan 2015 02:08 #247343

gevura shebyesod
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KOLPSW!!!

!אנא עבדא דקודשא בריך הוא

וּבְיָדְךָ כֹּחַ וּגְבוּרָה וּבְיָדְךָ לְגַדֵּל וּלְחַזֵּק לַכֹּל

"If it would be so easy there wouldn't be a GYE, but if it would be impossible there also wouldn't be a GYE."
"Sometimes a hard decision leads to an easier outcome."
- General Grant

My story: guardyoureyes.com/forum/19-Introduce-Yourself/111583-hello-my-friends

Re: My Story - Reallygettingthere 20 Jan 2015 03:09 #247414

reallygettingthere Current streak: 72 days OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 759 Karma: 27	Traveling this week. Made a Taphsic to $100 to my wife's high school if I turn on the TV (I really don't like that institution so I have one more reason not to turn on the TV)
	Roy in the SA White Book noted that we frequently prayed and it did not work...because the best we could muster was begging G-d to "Please take it away, so I will not have to give it up! No amount of sobriety can cure the insanity -ChaimCharlie The emmes hurts but fake chizzuk will hurt more -Bards Remember, best block, no be there - Mr. Miyagi

Re: My Story - Reallygettingthere 30 Jan 2015 21:34 #247947

nitzotzeloki OFFLINE Gold Boarder Posts: 311 Karma: 11	i finally get to say this. LEICHTER!!!!!
	i used to look back all the time saying "oh no! what have i done! Hashem help me erase the past." and i never heard a response. finally i started looking forward saying "Hashem i'm leaving the past to you and i'm forgetting all about it. help me have a good future. help me from here and on be the person You want me to be." and that's where i realized Hashem had been waiting to help me all along

Re: My Story - Reallygettingthere 30 Jan 2015 22:01 #247951

reallygettingthere Current streak: 72 days OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 759 Karma: 27	Welcome to the club!!
	Roy in the SA White Book noted that we frequently prayed and it did not work...because the best we could muster was begging G-d to "Please take it away, so I will not have to give it up! No amount of sobriety can cure the insanity -ChaimCharlie The emmes hurts but fake chizzuk will hurt more -Bards Remember, best block, no be there - Mr. Miyagi

Re: My Story - Reallygettingthere 30 Jan 2015 22:05 #247952

cordnoy
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Illustrious club!

My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads: Mikvah Night - Page 1, Page 2, Page 3, Last Page

https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/1-Break-Free/210029-Tryin

Warning: Spoiler!

My job: Punchin' bag of GYE - "NeshamaInCharge"
Quote from the chevra: "Is Cordnoy truly a Treasure Island pirate from the Southern Seas?"

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re: My Story - Reallygettingthere 06 Feb 2015 22:31 #248280

reallygettingthere
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Hi everybody. here's the update:

BH for the most part Im doing great. slipping every so often and that can be improved but haven't had a fall in a while. I am slowly learning (it's been two years) not to make lust part of my routine

Oh

Make no mistake

I'm an addict

BUT

Taking lust out of my routine had a significant impact on me being able to manage the addiction.

AND understanding what sort of void the lust fills and filling it with something else.

(stress mostly)

Baruch Hashem things are great.

Love you all

Eli

Roy in the SA White Book noted that we frequently prayed and it did not work...because the best we could muster was begging G-d to "Please take it away, so I will not have to give it up!

No amount of sobriety can cure the insanity -ChaimCharlie

The emmes hurts but fake chizzuk will hurt more -Bards

Remember, best block, no be there - Mr. Miyagi

Re: My Story - Reallygettingthere 06 Mar 2015 19:30 #249995

reallygettingthere Current streak: 72 days OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 759 Karma: 27	I just had the realization that I turn to lust for validation... (I'm not psychologist but I'm guessing that this is what goes on in my brain: Oh no, someone dissed you are hurt your feelings etc. here, this will make you feel real and alive)
	Roy in the SA White Book noted that we frequently prayed and it did not work...because the best we could muster was begging G-d to "Please take it away, so I will not have to give it up! No amount of sobriety can cure the insanity -ChaimCharlie The emmes hurts but fake chizzuk will hurt more -Bards Remember, best block, no be there - Mr. Miyagi

Re: My Story - Reallygettingthere 08 Mar 2015 02:11 #250020

cordnoy
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Perhaps that has somethin' to do with the question that therapists have asked: When watchin' porn, do you view yourself as an active participant, or as a bystander?

My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads: Mikvah Night - Page 1, Page 2, Page 3, Last Page

https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/1-Break-Free/210029-Tryin

Warning: Spoiler!

Re: My Story - Reallygettingthere 08 Mar 2015 04:19 #250042

reallygettingthere Current streak: 72 days OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 759 Karma: 27	I have certainly have made myself an active participant not just a bystander when watching porn although not always.
	Roy in the SA White Book noted that we frequently prayed and it did not work...because the best we could muster was begging G-d to "Please take it away, so I will not have to give it up! No amount of sobriety can cure the insanity -ChaimCharlie The emmes hurts but fake chizzuk will hurt more -Bards Remember, best block, no be there - Mr. Miyagi

Re: My Story - Reallygettingthere 24 Mar 2015 02:07 #251120

Dov OFFLINE Administrator Posts: 1960 Karma: 383	reallygettingthere wrote: I just had the realization that I turn to lust for validation... (I'm not psychologist but I'm guessing that this is what goes on in my brain: Oh no, someone dissed you are hurt your feelings etc. here, this will make you feel real and alive) I relate 100%, chaver.
	"Off the 18-wheeler and fine on this tricycle!", "I do not particularly care exactly which "lav" suicide is. I'm not interested in it for other reasons...and you are probably the same."

Re: My Story - Reallygettingthere 26 Mar 2015 16:23 #251302

cordnoy
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Dov wrote:

reallygettingthere wrote:

I just had the realization that I turn to lust for validation...

(I'm not psychologist but I'm guessing that this is what goes on in my brain: Oh no, someone dissed you are hurt your feelings etc. here, this will make you feel real and alive)

I relate 100%, chaver.

or if you get angry
or if you are afraid of somethin'
or if you are rejected
or if you are pained
or if you are jealous

bottom line....it is all because of self
that's what you, and I don't mean you; I mean I am worried about.

now that I have that realization, what am I gonna do about it?

My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads: Mikvah Night - Page 1, Page 2, Page 3, Last Page

https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/1-Break-Free/210029-Tryin

Warning: Spoiler!

Re: My Story - Reallygettingthere 21 Apr 2015 00:27 #252713

reallygettingthere Current streak: 72 days OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 759 Karma: 27	or because I like to look at naked women...
	Roy in the SA White Book noted that we frequently prayed and it did not work...because the best we could muster was begging G-d to "Please take it away, so I will not have to give it up! No amount of sobriety can cure the insanity -ChaimCharlie The emmes hurts but fake chizzuk will hurt more -Bards Remember, best block, no be there - Mr. Miyagi

Re: My Story - Reallygettingthere 21 Apr 2015 03:21 #252730

cordnoy
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We like ice cream, steak (together?), bowlin', ice skatin', etc.
Yet, when we are stressed, we don't generally storm up to the bathroom to go bowlin'!
We don't drive around our hotel room for an hour and a half to see if there is an ice skatin' rink.
I'm no chacham, but what it seems to me is that yes 'naked women' (and we will leave our private chat off this discussion) is somethin' we like to look at, but it is more than that. And whatever that 'more' is, is comin' from the stress, fear, tiredness (l'~~BAD WORD REMOVED~~ascha), hunger, etc.

And yes, i know some people eat when they're stressed as well.

b'hatzlachah

My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads: Mikvah Night - Page 1, Page 2, Page 3, Last Page

https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/1-Break-Free/210029-Tryin

Warning: Spoiler!

Re: My Story - Reallygettingthere 17 Jun 2015 18:26 #257064

reallygettingthere
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UPDATE:

I acted out last night.

...after walking away from a gemora.

No real shock though. That's my nature. I need to deal with it and accept the reality that my learning and teaching is not some sort of magic charm.

I have been very lax in some of the things that contribute to me keeping my sanity and i am reaffirming my commitment. (not watching any sort of Movies, TV, etc. ANY... EVER they are poison for me. all of them... always)

Eli

(That being said, I do not remember the last time I acted out. I am not obsessing over my fall... much healthier... veiter)

Re: My Story - Reallygettingthere 06 Jul 2015 22:00 #258831

reallygettingthere Current streak: 72 days OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 759 Karma: 27	It's amazing (not surprising, just amazing) how much easier it is when I stay away from my triggers... Although the stress level in my life has gone up 500% over the past month, the significantly reduced number of trigger experiences has definitely been a major part of me staying clean BH Eli
	Roy in the SA White Book noted that we frequently prayed and it did not work...because the best we could muster was begging G-d to "Please take it away, so I will not have to give it up! No amount of sobriety can cure the insanity -ChaimCharlie The emmes hurts but fake chizzuk will hurt more -Bards Remember, best block, no be there - Mr. Miyagi