A_new_begining wrote on 20 Jan 2012 13:36:
I think that the 90 days is great, its quite weird though because up until the point that i decided that I am ready to take this on and start to run my life rather than letting P and M run my life... I never managed to go for longer than a week...1 week! that's it! in my years of trying I never went longer than that. I am a perfectionist and when I want to do something I become very upset when things dont work out the way I wanted, and P and M was definitely NOT what I wanted.
BH, i spoke to a close friend and Rav and he was very surprised that I came to him but was so authentic and genuine and wanted to help me and pointed me in the direction of GYE. I started up a couple weeks ago and started with the 90 day chart and BH I am actually getting there (i'm on day 67 or 68) I have been staying away from watching any movies or anything that might incite the lust in me and that's been hugely helpful. BUT the last few days, iv been looking at some site where people can upload and post pictures of anything from cars, to shops, to places, to their dream home to inspirational quotes, and I stumbled on some quotes that just got my blood boiling
![](https://guardyoureyes.com/components/com_kunena/template/default/images/emoticons/new/sad.png)
the more I lingered there, the more i found myself thinking about some of the things I used to think about and it was crazy how in over 60 days my head had been clear of these and all of a sudden they came wondering back in.
BH i realised what was going on and quickly left but found myself looking at the same site again that evening. wow the YH has crazy ways of luring us in but we have to just remain strong and we have to learn to recognise what makes us go after the shmutz and learn to pull back and take control before we are dragged in..... it happens in an instant. anyway I thought I could just share my experience to further strengthen in my own mind what I really want for my life and family and hope that this serves as chizuk for everyone else out there who shares in this painful reality.
Hi there A_new_begining!!
I see that you're "newish" around here like me, so WELCOME!!
I'm really impressed with your progress and wish I could say that I'm already at day 68. I'm at day 17 or so, and I can really identify with your struggle that you had the other day.
When I first started the 90 day thing I had a lot of enthusiasm being that I was coming off of a low "low". The very next day I received an explicit text message offer on my phone. I had never received something like it before on my phone. It must have been from some number I called. I immediately deleted it. There wasn't even a question about it. I have my wife as my accountability partner so I told her what happened. So we called Verizon and blocked the number. A few days later I received another one. This time I was shocked and upset. Here I am trying to improve and the fruits of my old labor is coming to haunt me!! A couple days later, on the day I was supposed to renew my "tafsik" neder, I received another text message. This time I didn't delete it right away. I had already been debating in my mind, what if such a thing would come before I renewed my neder, then there was no way I would renew my neder and I would surely fall. And then it happened! I had the text message in my phone with only a few hours to go until my neder was up and I signed my life away.
Somehow I got the courage and I called my wife and told her I was about to throw the towel in. B”H she is a great accountability partner and definitely not a pushover!! Giving in was just not an option! I deleted the text while she was on the phone and renewed my neder also. B”H I managed to change my phone number and I haven’t received any texts since!!
BLESS YA ALL!!!