Great framework to put it into. Adrress the issue, but don't dwell.... Thanks!

The Three Second Rule is great for the street. It has three stages :alert, avert, and affirm. You are allowed 3 seconds to alert yourself to the fact that you have a nisayon. That is the alert stage, we cannot always get our wits about us in less than that amount of time. Next is to avert our eyes and minds or remove our bodies from the area and not look. Then we have to affirm that we did right. "I guarded my eyes!", "I did well just now!", "Hashem sent me a nisayon and I passed."

Blind Beggar wrote on 11 Aug 2011 05:40:


Thanks for that, but i would add the 2 minute rule if you might have sliped, thus way you can make sure you don't do it again. You can make the 2 min how ever long you want the point is not to get stuk on a "maybecouldbe" slip.

Both gr8 eitzos.

Quote from "windows of the soul" day 2
"Inadvertent Seeing
You might be wondering: how can a man live in the world without seeing immodestly dressed women? Isn’t it inevitable that every time he steps into any public area his eyes will take in everything?
The fact is that we are required to avoid looking at immodestly dressed women and images, and to develop an aversion to looking. As long as one follows these two stipulations, even if he inadvertently sees, he is not culpable. But after inadvertently seeing, he must turn his eyes away. If he continues looking or takes a second look, he commits the aveirah of “straying after his eyes.”

chazak chazak wrote on 10 Aug 2011 22:08:


I have found a similar "trick" to work while standing in the grocery store check out aisle.  Focus on at the candy bars or other similar knick knacks, read the labels, etc.  It keeps your eyes focused away from the other shmutz.  Also, in the street, sometimes it's difficult to look away completely.  I will focus on a ladies face rather than other features.  It's not usually the face that is triggering.

gibbor120 wrote on 11 Aug 2011 13:48:


As long as that's not done in a lustful way. everyone  has to know themselves what triggers them.

agreed.

here is a quote from the book " The Light Of Ephraim" pg 191

"The outside forces bring about interplay between the emotions and the mind in order to create fantasies. Rabbi Nachman speaks about the power of the mind to create a fantasy and then blow it up in your mind's eye in order to satisfy an emotion. Sexual offenses are usually the consequence of a fantasy created by the mind as a conscious or subconscious response to an emotional need. You can understand, then, why the eyes are so important when you are working on mind control. Because in order to create a fantasy a fantasy out of an earlier emotion, the mind needs some real images. That is why the less images you are in contact with, the less ammunition you will give your mind to blow up these images into fantasies."

true are these holy words, it all starts in the street, bec once we look and it gets blown up we want more and more etc..........

hey guys shabbos nachamu coming up and that means a lot of struggles, i wish you all hazlocha on them and let us know after shabbos how it went.

great reminder, thank you

fyi, i find you to be very helpful

and here is a good idea to keep in mind when you are busy guarding your eyes

Blind Beggar wrote on 03 Jul 2011 21:21:

ZemirosShabbos wrote on 12 Aug 2011 15:56:


THANKS ! very true point!

and thanks for the "buttering up"!

good shabbos!

great post. this is something that i find to be tremendous problem. but i guess its the small things that make a big difference. another problem i have is in the airports where people tend to dress down:(  keep the ideas coming

Although my problem is way bigger than letting my eyes wonder on the street ( I kinda wish that WAS my only problem), I found that no filter in the world will stop you from running into the bathroom and soiling your soul if you allow yourself looking at people on the street.
I went to a healthfood store the other day with my wife and kids. It seemed that every other customer there fit into category of "asher atem zoinim achareyhem". I stared into the floor, into the kids' stroller; until I had to tell my wife that I'll wait for her outside and ran out of the place, and stood outside looking on traffic. I've been sick for two days with images that entered my periferal vision. I know that if I allowed myself a direct and conscious look I would immediately act out once back at home. At the very least ( and if my wife were willing that night) I would play the images in my head while being with her. Or (which is even more likely) both.
An einikle of Baal HaTanya writes that someone who fails to guard his eyes, his entire avoda is ayin v'efes.
The question is, how do you live your life with your eyes closed? I hope that when I'll have dealt with the compulsion part of my problem, I'll be able to look the world straight in the eye. But we certainly need to watch our gaze from getting away from our conscious mind.

we dont need to have closed eyes with someone holding our hands, we can look somewhere downwards when we are between people, not seeing the full body, also just gazing, not directly looking, maybe avoiding places where we know for sure that there are heavy triggers, like department stores, simches (unless we can enter & exit without going thru challanges), etc...
the main thing keeping the mind off it
try it hashem will help you, same as he helps me