Transplanting post from a different thread - kids say hilarious things, let's share them with each other! I'll go first. 

grade school son comes out of bath
Son: "I'm freezing!"
Me: So get dressed
Son: but I'm holding something, how can I get dressed if my hands are full?
Me: put your stuff on the floor and then get dressed.
Son: but how will I know where I left my stuff in the morning?
Me: put it in its place
Son: I don't know where to put it
Me: don't you have a box for all your stuff?
Son: yes, but i usually don't put anything there.
Me: So start putting your stuff there
Son: but since I do not usually put my stuff there I won't think to look there. 
Me: so how do you usually find your stuff in the morning?
Son: I usually lose my stuff until someone finds it (usually me or his mommy stepping on it or throwing it out...)
Me: maybe start putting your stuff where it goes and then you will know where it is
Son: I think I'll just leave it under my pillow. That's where i leave my kippa.
Me: ok then. goodnight, love you.

A few minutes after I put my son to bed, his bedroom door slowly creaks open. We ask him, “kiddo, why are you out of bed?”. 

He walks over to the couch where my wife and I are sitting and begins bawling uncontrollably. Through his sobbing I’m about to discern what upset him so. He was saying that he brought his favorite toy to playgroup, and someone took it away. 

Now, keep in mind that it’s now his second year in school, so it was at least 1-1/2 years ago. 



To say I was confused would be the understatement of the minute. 

3 year old son looking at a pack of watch batteries

kid: why do you have so many coins?
me: those are batteries, they go inside of watches and car keys
kid: do you have one in your watch?
me: yes
kid: nuh uh, I don't see it
me: it's inside the watch, you can't see it when the watch is all closed up 
kid: not true!
me: ok
kid: stares and drools....

3 year old son looking at a big ziplock bag of coins

kid: wow ILH, you're so poor!
me: oh really? why do you say that?
kid: because you have so much money!
me: did you mean rich? poor is when you don't have a lot of money. rich is when you have a lot of money
kid: *sing song voice* I dunno...
me: *ruffles kid's hair* I love you kid, you're such a cutie.

My son was misbehaving today (Erev Shabbos, of course), and it was clear that he needed to get some fresh air. I deposited him outside along with his boots and jacket and told him to go play. 
Trying to “show me”, he just stood by the door. I told him “listen, buddy. If you stay in one spot you’ll get cold (and then come right back in), so run around and you’ll stay warm. 
He says “okay”, turns, runs maybe 3 feet, promptly slips on the ice and falls. *sheesh*

Told my kids I am taking some of them to a friend's wedding. 5  year old asks me if my relative will be there, I answered "no he will not." He then asks if there will be anyone there with a Telsa. I said I don't know why? He says "If there will be a lot of Teslas there then they can make a show (i.e. with tesla lights and sound)"

LOL

The other night, after finally getting my son to agree to get into pajamas, he goes to his room. Comes back quite quickly. 
I say to him “wow, buddy. Well done!”
 He asks me “isn’t it cool how fast I got into pajamas tonight?”
 Genuinely intrigued, I reply “yes, it is indeed quite cool. How’d you manage that?”
 He says “this morning, when I got dressed, I left on my pajamas, so that I could get ready for bed so quickly”.

The other night (actually the same “other night” as my last post), a while after both kiddos go to sleep, the baby wakes up. I go in to give him his gag pacifier, and his older brother, who was awake, firmly informed me “the baby woke me up first, I didn’t wake him”.

I gave my 5 year old a kids size seiko watch i found laying around. I told him it is waterproof and he can shower with it. he asked if it is good for hiking. I (scratched my head in confusion) and said yes. He skipped away singing and dancing with joy about his hiking-worthy watch. how does he even know what hiking is? lol

last night my toddler found a garbage bag waiting to go outside to the bin, and decided that it is a good toy to drag aroud the living room while babbling away. LOL!

tzitzis dude wrote on 20 Feb 2025 00:55:

my man, using his big boy brain 

ilovehashem247 wrote on 20 Feb 2025 12:00:

Yeah.
I was totally shepping nachas, while my wife was all like “you can’t do that, it’ll make your pj’s sweaty and stuff- right, Totty?” And then I was all like “… that did seem like pretty smart thinking. And it actually got him ready for bed, didn’t it?…”